Читать книгу Clouded Judgement - NICHOLA HARVEY - Страница 4

GATHERING BY THE DELIGHTFUL smells wafting as I promptly arrived at Teddy’s, my timing was perfect. But as I strolled up the footpath and onto the front porch, my stomach flopped. The nerves for some ridiculous reason had set in as my imagination began running amok with every possible scenario over the greeting I may or may not receive. I located one of the antique metal chairs beneath the verandah and gently lowered myself into the soft cushions. My chin brushing the delicate petals of the two-dozen pink tea roses clutched in my shaking hand as I sat down — flowers I’d thoughtfully purchased on the way over to ignite forgiveness, both ways. That was the plan anyway.

A shuddering breath expelling, I steeled myself for the inevitable and pushed back to my feet. But upon opening the door and entering the foyer, I heard the magical sounds of piano from Teddy’s compiled playlist flowing amongst the high-spirited laughter, making me realise my fears were unfounded. Given a rush of confidence, I closed the door behind me and made my approach towards the kitchen with strides matching my equally widening smile.

It was a blossoming state that was short-lived.

The second I heard the name Damien Rivers pass my sister’s lips in her typically fast-paced manner, my broad smile morphed into a hardpressed line, and my evenly paced footfalls slowed. Of all people, and more importantly, why did it have to be that little charmer? Didn’t he learn the last time I belted him? Memories I intended to recreate if he came anywhere near Dominique again. It seemed my idiotic sister needed a timely reminder as well.

But upon marching into the kitchen, my aggrieved steps immediately faltered in the doorway. Anguished tears misted my mortified gaze as I surveyed an emaciated Teddy flit between the elaborate gas cooker and the island bench, passing piping hot trays filled with homemade gourmet pizzas to Poppy. She spotted me before Teddy, offering a token a smile at least.

“Hey, Ari,” she addressed, slicing through each pizza meticulously with the stainless-steel pizza cutter she wielded.

“Um…hi, Poppy,” I spluttered as I scrambled to collect my thoughts. But having heard our awkward greeting, the room suddenly converged into an ominous silence as anxious gazes observed, clearly waiting for the tense exchange between myself and Teddy as she finally looked up.

Holding my dazed expression, she brusquely shared her discontent, “It seems I’m not worthy of a hello.”

Ashamed over my apparent lack of attention, I ducked my head, avoiding everyone's judgemental gazes. My jaw ticked, and my eyes darted as I self-depreciated: how had I not noticed her pain or the fact she hadn’t been eating or sleeping? And how had I selfishly determined my feelings preceded hers? Putting it simply: I had failed her. Perhaps, if I’d spent less time wallowing, and more time paying attention, she wouldn’t appear to look so pained.

“Ari, are you, all right? You look pale.” Hearing her sweet voice along with the sound of her bare but soft footfalls walking over the timber boards towards me, jolted me awake.

I was about to express similar words when wisely, I thought better of it. I was here to make amends with Teddy, not argue with her, so I purposely dropped the bouquet onto the bench before promptly sweeping a surprised Teddy into my arms, laying a wet, hungry kiss to her lips all the while breathing in her perfumed scent. Oh, how I had missed this, missed us.

Underappreciating us had cost our relationship significantly. If anything, these past few days of separation expressly had taught me to appreciate the warmth our love brought all the more. And as she unreservedly lips locked with mine, and her hands frenetically roamed, greedily seeking to feel every dip and curve of my torso, I got the message loud and clear; she felt the same way. Whilst I clung to the roots of her thick tresses, unable to stop kissing her luscious mouth, nor did I want to.

Unfortunately for us, our present company neglected to share our sentiment.

“All right, you two, enough of giving each other CPR. We’d enjoy our food a whole lot more without the porn show,” Dominique scorned, incessantly clicking her fingers.

I peered over Teddy’s shoulder and scowled, flipping my treasured sister the bird.

She tutted reproachfully, “You’re such a charmer, brother.”

Smiling wryly whilst I reached out and grasped the bouquet by its silk-wrapped stems, I proudly retorted, “It’s one of my best qualities.” Ignoring her sarcastic snort, I swiftly returned my attention to Teddy. “These are my way of an apology…” I shyly confessed, laying the considerable arrangement across her outstretched arms.

A sincere smile formed over red, swollen lips. “Apology accepted.” Burying her nose in the delicate petals, Teddy closed her red-rimmed eyes and took a moment to appreciate their permeating fragrance before tentatively looking up at me. “We need to talk, but it can wait until after dinner,” she articulated, “and once we’re away from ears,” she pointedly added, jerking her chin in the direction of our gossiping sisters at the dining table.

Attempting to swallow the golf ball-sized lump that had uncomfortably slipped its way back into my throat, I stiffly nodded. “Okay.”

Sensing my worry, she grasped my hand and gave it a light, reassuring squeeze. “Don’t stress; it’s nothing bad, I promise.”

“Oh, thank goodness.”

Sighting the relief washing over my face, she chuckled setting the flowers back on the bench. “Let’s eat. I’m starving.”

I noticed, but if one valued their manhood, they were the type of words one kept to one’s self.

Dinner with Teddy’s roommates felt like old times – before that ominously dark cloud had descended upon us. For the first time in days, I felt myself relaxing, cherishing the moment before it evaporated. My heart warming as Teddy’s excessive giggling intensified thanks to the crude and sometimes inappropriate jokes frequently rolling off my sister’s tongue. I paid no mind to them as I sat back, enjoying Teddy’s tasteful playlist whilst sipping on the glass of bourbon clutched in my hand. Occasionally a subtle chuckle slipped when the odd joke diverted my attention and away from my dubious thoughts. Although, not for long.

To others, Teddy appeared happier, yet I knew differently. Hidden behind that steely armour was a sense of sadness and uncertainty over us, and our future. Likewise, her concern and fears were unfounded; I was here, wasn’t I?

Though at this stage as I peered down at her plate, feelings were the least of my worries. For someone who earlier admitted she was starving had barely taken a bite. I frowned, surreptitiously shaking my head as she played with her food.

As opposed to just merely eating her dinner, she spent much of it dissecting the tiniest sliver of pizza and chewing on individual sections of topping slowly. Even then, she went as far as covering her mouth with the back of her hand, hoping to conceal the gagging that promptly followed as she forced herself to swallow. Teddy’s worried expression darted soon after for what I assumed to be to see if I’d noticed. Sadly, I had, and as I locked eyes with her silently sharing my dismay, a guilty flush crept up her throat and over her cheeks whilst toying nervously with the white gold locket at her throat. Her mouth also moved as if to speak, but elicited nothing more than a strangled sound before tearing her eyes away whilst I wimped out, hiding my disheartened sigh behind a drawn-out sip of bourbon.

Teddy was wasting away in front of me, and unless I spoke up, she’d continue to wither. Perhaps her lacklustre eating habits were an issue best brought up in Doctor Montgomery’s office, safer too if I valued the head on my shoulders, which I was also surprisingly fond of.

I had just guzzled the last of my drink and was about to grasp the bottle around its square-shaped bottom to pour another when I felt the discreet tap of Teddy’s fingers on my thigh beneath the table: she was ready for that dreaded talk. I felt my chest constrict and reluctantly set my glass down. But as we pushed our chairs back and stood simultaneously, our sudden departure was typically noticed by our eagle-eyed sisters.

“I guess we’re cleaning up while you two sneak off to do the dirty like always?” Scarlett cheekily piped up. Dom sniggered distastefully alongside her.

“What’s new?” She suddenly yelped and scowled across the table at Poppy. “Hey, what was that for?”

Curtailing my laughter became quite the struggle as Poppy scolded her wayward roommates. Her loosely tied bun atop of her head wobbling as she wagged a stern finger at them. “They have important things to discuss which don’t concern you, so leave them alone – both of you!” No wonder she had great classroom control, she was rather scary.

My brow raised sharply as Teddy noticeably huffed and stalked off. I calmly gripped the top of the chair and spoke directly to Scarlett, “Poppy’s right, we do have issues that need discussing. So, do you ladies mind cleaning up whilst we do?”

Scarlett replied sagely and sensibly, “Yeah, sure. Come on, Dom, we’ll leave them to it.”

Without any further arguments, they promptly began cleaning up. Thanks to the past few hellish weeks, they had learnt and understood not to disagree with me.

In particular, after Teddy’s blatant refusal to inform her roommates about Emmett. In my eyes, I viewed it as keeping loved ones out of harm's way. Teddy sadly saw the opposite and felt they’d be safer by not knowing, a rebuttal that left my head shaking in astonishment, during which I’d hastily taken it upon myself to inform her so as well. Naturally, I landed in the doghouse, more so as a horrific case of verbal diarrhoea overcame me with his name ‘accidentally’ slipping off my tongue. Which, in turn, caused quite the colossal row amongst us all with Dominique and Scarlett consequently following me. Both girls making themselves a little too comfortable for my liking in the spare rooms until Teddy showed up, begging for us to return a few days later with an apology that was pretty damned epic, to me expressly.

“Thank you,” I murmured gratefully, tapping the top of the chair as I pivoted and exited the kitchen, anxiously making my way through the hall in the direction of Teddy’s bedroom.

Entering through the open doorway, I glanced across the room to the wingbacked chairs and frowned at the tension marring her drawn face. Visibly just as anxious about the conversation ahead, she crossed and uncrossed her legs, only to recross whilst restlessly dancing her hands about in her lap.

Closing the door behind me, I shot her a furtive glance and asked outright how she was feeling, “Are you nervous about our conversation?”

The wavy curls draping over her slim shoulders swayed as she shook her head. “No,” she readily admitted, following me with a jaded gaze as I strolled across her room. “I’m just on edge and have been ever since I revealed my secret to your parents.”

“Yeah, it’s been a pretty shitty time all round I’d say,” I uttered despondently, raking my hands through my hair as I settled into the chair beside her. Sitting askew, I casually rested an ankle over my knee and leaned against the backrest, motioning with a wave of the hand for Teddy to begin. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Everything.”

I frowned. “That’s rather ambiguous.”

“Don’t be difficult,” she tutted disapprovingly.

“I apologise. But what exactly do you want to talk about?”

“Us, this dark cloud, and…Emmett,” she informed me hesitantly, and with good reason. Just hearing my depraved uncles’ name made my skin crawl and the rage boil away inside. If I’d known ahead we were venturing down such a difficult road I would have swiped the bottle of bourbon off the table, forgetting the glass intentionally.

I tugged at my collar and loosened my tie. “What about – Emmett?” Christ, even speaking his name felt like acid on my tongue.

“We’ve not discussed the aftermath, not civilly anyway and that’s mostly down to your anger management issues,” she reminded me reproachfully.

“Yeah,” I scoffed, dropping my elbows to my knees and leaning into the palms of my hands. My head hung in shame as I judiciously recalled my latest outburst, “not my proudest moment admittedly. But in saying that, there were several reasons behind my abysmal behaviour, not that I’m not trying to justify my actions either,” I clarified as Teddy opened her mouth to argue the point with me. “Just hear me out, okay?” Once she nodded, I began my explanation, “Firstly, learning my uncle was the culprit was quite the shock. Then the realisation that he, along with your bloody mother, were behind us remaining apart all these years. Compounded by everything else they’ve put you thorough recently, I simply couldn’t take anymore and just lost it.” As I uneasily purged my feelings, Teddy remained quiet, my heart quaking at the flow of tears streaming down her pale, hollowed cheeks. “Ignorance, selfishness, whatever you want to call it, I wasn’t thinking. I simply reacted every time, never giving a thought to your feelings.” Her tightened sob was enough to break me. I reached out and slipped our hands together, my voice trembling as I expressed my remorse, “If it’s any consolation, I sincerely regret every aspect of how I’ve acted and responded; from that initial day at the island up until now.”

Her voice a croaky whisper, she shared her own sorrow with me, “Carys blames me for the discord in the family, and still refuses to speak to me whenever I try to make amends. Bryson, mercifully still picks up when I call.”

Peeved by my oldest sister’s indifference, my lips thinned. “Don’t worry about Carys; she’ll come around eventually.”

She snorted, wiping away her tears with the pads of her fingertips. “I’m glad you’re the optimist. Currently, I feel anything but.”

“Carys was always close to Em…he and his family. He doted on her, being the first-born and all. I suspect it’s just the shock causing her odious behaviour. Give her time, okay?”

She stiffly nodded before casting her saddened gaze downwards.

“What else is bothering you?” I quietly asked, my head cocking as her trembling lips clammed up. As per usual, she compelled me to ask again, “Teddy, what else?”

“There’s another reason I look awful.”

I eyed her quizzically; she cocked an eyebrow. The penny eventually dropped. “Ah, your weight loss.”

“Yeah that. I saw the frown on your face when you first came in, not to mention over dinner. I’ve also been sick, and not just from stress either….” Teddy paused before tentatively speaking, “…I’m pregnant.”

My jaw fell open. What the? Pregnant? I licked my drying lips before swallowing the shock. “How? I mean, I know how, but how? I thought we were careful?”

“Not careful enough, apparently,” she stated flatly. “The doctor explained it only took one time without the use of a condom. I have a feeling it was the night I instigated our lovemaking, remember?”

How could I forget? That lovemaking was beautiful in every sense of the word. That aside, I wanted to kick myself for my carelessness, more so after not heeding to Doctor Montgomery’s advice, sternly given to me only weeks before.

“Aren’t you happy about the news?”

“Y...Yes, yes, I’m thrilled, actually.” As I pathetically stumbled over my words, she snatched her hand away.

“You could have fooled me!”

I inhaled sharply and ran my clenching hand through my already dishevelled hair. Why was it, no matter which way I responded, it was seemingly the wrong way?

“I’m just worried about the impeccable timing – you know, with all that’s going on currently.” I held Teddy’s misty-eyed gaze and swallowed. The tension between us felt palpable, and not in a sexual nature for a change.

“You’re right, the timing isn’t great,” she replied quietly, sagging against the backrest, and rubbing her flexing fingers across her forehead. “I’m only a few weeks along, so I guess having an abortion isn’t entirely out of the question.”

Teddy’s abhorrent answer to the ill-timed nature of the pregnancy sent me flying out of my chair. “No! No abortion! We shall work through this. I know we can….unless that’s what you want?” I knelt in front of her, searching her troubled face with pleading eyes. “Please, tell me that isn’t so?”

A feeble smile formed as she sifted her fingers through my hair. “No, the thought never crossed my mind. I guess we just got our wires crossed.”

I sagged as the relief washed over me. “You have no idea how pleased I am to hear you say those words.” I brushed a lock of hair behind her ear and clasped her sweet face as I locked our lips together in a gentle embrace. Our foreheads touching as we parted, Teddy’s voice trembled, reciting her fears.

“What if I can’t be a parent, Ari? What if I’m far too damaged? I’d hate myself if I inflicted –”

I immediately tilted her chin, my gaze intent as I quietly assured her, “Hey, hey, stop, right there; you shall be an incredible mother to our child, and like always, I shall be right alongside you telling them so. So no more of this self-doubt, okay?” Her head reluctantly bobbed, causing my brow to furrow at the untold worry, but as she was already fragile enough, I remained just as silent. “Everything shall be fine, you’ll see.” As I urged her towards my embrace, my voice shuddered regardless of the optimism I attempted to convey, “Everything shall be fine.”

After further and in-depth discussion regarding the rest of our future, we crawled into bed and made sweet, sweet love. An all too consuming feeling that radiated through every responsive touch and languorous kiss, leaving me yearning for more. Even now, as we snuggled tightly, and my fingertips lightly caressed along her sticklike torso, I had another erection. But as part of my conscious effort not to overdo the sex, I raised a subject guaranteed to leave me limp.

“I’m buying earmuffs, and not just for our ears, your belly too – I refuse for our child to ever be subjected to or deafened by mother’s high pitch squeals.”

Teddy snorted derisively. “Your poor mum, she thinks none of her children appreciates her enthusiasm.”

My lips twitched in suppressed amusement. “We do; sort of.” I scoffed. “I just wish mother wouldn’t hurt our ears with all that blasted excitement.” I peered down at Teddy just as her beaming smile faded and she rolled away from me, flopping an arm across her creasing forehead. “What’s wrong?”

“We need to tell Doctor Montgomery sooner rather than later about the baby, mostly because of the medications I’ve been on.”

Concerned by the worry etched in her voice, I rolled towards her, kindly coaxing as I tenderly cupped her cheek. “Hey, look at me, please?” With a languid sigh, Teddy slowly met my tender gaze. “It’ll be fine. He’s a doctor and is astutely aware that accidents tend to happen from time to time.”

She grimaced, unconvinced once more by my optimism. “Doctor Montgomery’s already warned me getting pregnant wouldn’t be the best option for me, right now anyway. His prime reason being that he’s also extremely aware I’m still not in the best place to have a child anytime soon.”

Drawing Teddy closer and encompassing her within my arms, I pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead. “Let’s wait and see what he has to say before we jump to any conclusions. You never know, he might actually be thrilled for us.”

My optimism could not have been any farther from the truth.

Doctor Montgomery’s jaw hit the floor the second we shared our joyful news with him. “Well, I’m delighted to see you took my advice,” he eventually uttered caustically. “But how could you both be so bloody reckless?”

“It wasn’t intentional, Doc…” I countered calmly. “It just happened.”

“Intentional or not, adding a defensive child to the mix while these unpleasant issues remain in your lives – it’s just damned irresponsible!”

At that point, I felt his comments were unwarranted and seriously thought about putting him back in his place. But as if the good doctor sensed my irritation, he glowered, raising a pointed finger directly at me.

“Don’t bother, Ari! You both need to hear what I have to say! So I suggest you sit there quietly until then!” he growled aggressively. “Am I clear?”

“Crystal,” we replied in unison, shrinking back into our seats.

Other than that little reprimanding, life had changed and for the better, both at home and work.

In particular, my staff. They were profoundly thrilled that their morose boss had finally left the building and replaced by someone much more amenable. Discovering I was about to become a father was the principal reason behind my chuffed mood, I suppose. Something Asher kindly noticed, his rare praise catching me off guard during one of our regular lunches at Rockpool Bar and Grill, Southbank beside the Yarra River, or the upside-down river we Melbournians quaintly called it.

“Wow look at you, one minute you’re all dark and gloomy, now you’re all sunshine and roses. What’s gotten you so sappy lately?”

Shoving a piece of the deliciously juicy scotch fillet on my plate into my mouth, I glanced up and grinned. “Just life. Ultimately, Teddy and I are on the same page and in a beautiful place, and that’s all you need to know – for now,” I simpered, chewing away happily.

Asher twisted the fork in his hand and chuckled. “You normally tell me everything. Anyone would think Teddy was pregnant the way you were acting.”

Unwittingly, I began choking on my food.

His eyes widened. “Teddy’s preggers?”

“Keep your voice down,” I whispered hoarsely, lifting the water glass to my lips and taking a few tentative sips. “The answer to your ever-enquiring mind is yes; Teddy is pregnant. Nevertheless, we are only in the first trimester, meaning we aren’t telling anyone just yet. So, Asher, I implore you, please be a mate and keep it to yourself because if I receive an angry phone call from my mother, then I’ll know you shall have told yours.”

“My lips are unequivocally sealed,” he wisely replied, closing an imaginary zip across his lips.

I gave a satisfied nod. “Good.”

Asher eyed me speculatively over the lip of the wine glass in his hand. “Well as your mate, I’m curious, particularly when only days ago you were contemplating taking a break: care to fill me in?”

I shrugged apathetically. “All it took was one night of carelessness my friend. And just so you know, Teddy isn’t aware that’s what I was thinking, so for the love of God, please don’t tell her.”

He picked up his knife and fork, resuming his meal of Asian style pork belly as he scoffed. “No, I’d hate to upset a pregnant woman, specifically yours.”

“Thank you. I appreciate your discretion.”

“I’ve always got your back, Ari; you know that. Anyway, let’s discuss finding you a new engineer. When do you want to start headhunting?”

And just like that, the discussion regarding my private life was over.

“The sooner, the better.” I smiled widely sawing off another chunk of steak. “And whilst we’re on the subject, can you ask HR to advertise further afield for both the engineer as well as a grad student. Stipulate that the grad student needs to be either fresh out of university or about to graduate. But as long as they’re more than happy to work whilst learning beneath our new employee, I don’t mind either way.”

“Like an understudy?”

I concurred with a brief nod, “Something along those lines, I suppose.”

“Fresh meat, I like your thinking.” Asher grinned and dug into his pork. “This little search is going to be fun.”

I lifted my fork to lips, murmuring in agreeance, “Indeed, it shall.”