Читать книгу Emotion-image therapy (EIT) [analytical and effective] - Nikolay Linde - Страница 4

Whatever a man does he does it for some emotional state. He connects the result with the desirable emotion. It is this emotion that is the criterion of success. But we can ask: “And what if he does it for clear conscience? What does it have to do with emotion?”

Then tell me, what the state of clear conscience gives to a person? This state provides the feeling of wellbeing and dignity, calmness and being of one self. These emotions are very dear to a person, and the one who feels that way will not want to lose them. These emotions are extremely significant and the one who feels that way, will not want to lose them for some temporary benefit. If on the other hand a man feels that his conscience is not clear, he has unpleasant emotions of shame and guilt. He wouldn’t want to be feeling that way, so [normally] he would try to behave accordingly.

The same is true of any business. Whatever business you would try to consider, the ultimate goal for which you would do it, is emotion or emotional state. Certain emotional state is a final “bonus”. Though a person may think that he does it for some actual result, and not for some emotion. But if not for emotions, then the man doesn’t really want the result, he will not even try to achieve it. Let me give an example.

Example 1. “An unhappy rich man”

A successful rich man once asked me, why, though everything is all right with him, he doesn’t feel happy.

– I have – he says – everything. I have a family, children. I have an apartment – a usual one – 130 square meters. I don’t need much. Well, a nice car “Jaguar”. And I don’t need anything else. But for some reason I don’t feel happy. I am thinking all the time how to increase my wealth. I go jogging to keep fit, but my mind is always busy, thinking over something all the time. I am a member of five boards of directors, I have a boat in joint ownership, I have some land… I have to manage it all properly… My friend and I made a very big deal costing hundreds of millions of dollars. We did everything correctly and in keeping with the law, but as a result we both have the feeling of emptiness.

– And why are you trying so hard? You can live with no worry and enjoy life…

– No. I want to be the first!

– And for what?

– I don’t know. Just want and that’s all!

– Well, imagine that you have achieved everything and are standing on the first step of the pedestal. What have you got out of it?

– I don’t know. I think people must love me…

– Well, and who will love you for that?

– Indeed. People will envy me will even hate me…

– Then for what? Do you think somebody may give you a medal? Make up an image of the one who will give you a medal. Just the first thing that comes to your mind…

– [After thinking a little and then looking at me slyly] What? I can’t believe it, is it really my mother?

– Of course, mother! She used to tell you: “Be patient, sonny. Try hard, sonny.” She herself was a workaholic, a foremost person in industry. It turns out that you are working not for yourself but for your mother. Though she loves you in any case…But she didn’t teach you to be happy, she taught you to be hardworking and persistent!

Commentary. The businessman wanted to feel happy getting his mother’s approval, but he didn’t realize that. His mother’s approval, when he followed her advice, gave him the feeling of wellbeing, self– accepting and “clear conscience”. But if he got some pleasure for himself, his personal happiness, it was as if he was idle and became “bad” at once. He tortured himself seeking values of hard labor and achievements that his mother approved, though his real mother would in every case have approved of him. He was guided by the desire to get the approval and the fear to get disapproval. But from his own point of view he didn’t apply enough efforts, so he exhausted himself by hard work but failed to get the desirable happiness.

Thus, people are guided by feelings, even though they don’t notice that.

However, few people would agree to get “pure” positive emotion, not supported by actual results, as, for example, drug addicts. Most people try to achieve real results, the result that would give the feeling of profound satisfaction and even, as many people hope, the feeling of happiness. It is the real result and not an illusion of it, that gives the feeling of solidity and confidence, that gives fool value to other emotions, connected with this result. Unfortunately, people often deceive themselves, and when they achieve their real goals, they don’t feel happy, sometimes they don’t even feel delighted. Why it happens is a long story. But the fact is that personal emotional reaction determines the significance of the result for this person. For example, when a child cries bitterly because his balloon has flown away, the adult may not be very upset, but somewhat disturbed because he is not sure how to console the child, how to explain to him that what happened is a trifle.