Читать книгу How Not to Act Old: 185 Ways to Pass for Cool, Sound, Wicked, or at Least Not Totally Lame - Pamela Satran Redmond - Страница 13
Оглавление#7 Don’t Dance to ‘Sexual Healing’
Dancing to a sexy song – especially an old sexy song – is probably all right as long as there aren’t any other people around – particularly any young people. But if young people are watching, attempting to get lost enough in moving to the music to enjoy it, much less be any good at it, will be impossible. All that snickering will make you too self-conscious.
Plus, you know, sexy dancing is different these days. Instead of face-to-face, people dance doggy-style. The unsubtle-yet-accurate name for this kind of dancing is ‘grinding’. I really don’t think this is something you want to attempt in public – at least, I don’t want to see it – but in the privacy of your own home, you might want to give it a go.
HOW TO GRIND, IN 6 EASY STEPS
1 If you are a woman, stand by yourself and move your hips in a figure eight motion. Look bored and unfocused, not smiling or making eye contact with anyone – as if you were, say, wiping down the kitchen counters.
2 If you are a man, approach the casually dancing woman from behind. Touching her hips, press your pelvis lightly against her buttocks and begin moving in rhythm with her, following her lead. Do not make any untoward thrusting motions, and try not to act as if this is the most exciting thing that has happened to you since you were fourteen.
3 Continue rotating your hips in tandem. The woman in front can raise her arms or hold them out to the side while dancing. The gentleman behind her can touch her hips and stomach or run his hands up and down her sides, though all this touching must be done gently, never forcefully. Basically, touch as if you’d just met the person, not as if your penis had taken up residence in her butt.
4 Partners can switch positions, with the woman grinding against the man’s behind. Front-to-front grinding is, however, usually discouraged.
5 Men, if you get an erection – and really, if you don’t, you’re so old you’re beyond the help of this book – move subtly away or at least adjust yourself so that it’s not poking into her. Remember, you are so cool that even publicly rubbing your genitals against a stranger’s hindquarters leaves you completely unfazed.
