Читать книгу How Not to Act Old: 185 Ways to Pass for Cool, Sound, Wicked, or at Least Not Totally Lame - Pamela Satran Redmond - Страница 5
ОглавлениеContents
| Cover | |
| Title Page | |
| Copyright | |
| Dedication | |
| Introduction | |
| #1 | Stop Using E-mail |
| How Not to E-mail Old: 10 Musts to Avoid | |
| #2 | Don’t Say ‘Awesome’, ‘Dude’, or ‘Phat’ |
| Guide to 11 Young–Old Slang Expressions | |
| #3 | Unstrap that Rolex |
| #4 | Don’t Fear the Waxer |
| 40-year-old Bikini-Waxing Virgin? 9 Things to Expect | |
| #5 | Avoid Direct Confrontation |
| #6 | Don’t Leave a Message |
| #7 | Don’t Dance to ‘Sexual Healing’ |
| How to Grind, in 6 Easy Steps | |
| 8 Best Old-people Songs to Dance to … and 7 Young Ones that May Actually Get You Going | |
| #8–19 | How Not to Work Old |
| #20 | Beware the Accidental Hook-up |
| What Exactly Is a Hook-up? A Teenager Tells All … Well, Some | |
| #21 | Don’t Smoke Pot |
| #22 | Don’t Fear the F-word |
| #23–29 | How Not to Weekend Old |
| #30 | Don’t Get Too Excited about Mondays |
| #31 | Avoid Avoiding Babies |
| I Would Love to Hold the Baby, but … | |
| #32 | Don’t Be Proud of Being Befuddled by Technology |
| Web Directory 102: Sites You Should Know | |
| #33 | Don’t Advise People to Carry an Umbrella |
| 16 Things You Never Need to Say to Another Adult | |
| #34 | Don’t Admit You’re Crazy about Springsteen |
| #35 | Don’t Be the Monica |
| #36–44 | How Not to Be a Cougar |
| #45 | Stop Talking about Menopause |
| #46 | No Lame Parenting Advice |
| 19 Things Never to Say to a Young Parent | |
| #47 | Don’t Fear the Tat |
| 8 Tattoos for Old People | |
| #48 | Don’t Make Love |
| #49 | Do Not Block the Aisle |
| #50 | Throw off the Middle-aged Burka |
| 12 Things You Can’t Even Think about Wearing (for Women) | |
| #51 | No Poodles |
| Pet Making You Look Old? 5 Swaps to Consider Now | |
| #52 | Don’t Yell into Your Mobile Phone |
| 8 Ways Not to Phone Old | |
| #53 | Don’t Talk about Your (Grown-up) Children |
| 5 Things to Talk about Instead of Your Kids | |
| #54 | Don’t Fear Rap |
| Easy Listenin’ Rap: 9 Songs Even You Might Like | |
| #55 | Don’t Drink Cosmopolitans |
| 3 Young Cocktail Recipes | |
| #56 | Learn to Type with Your Thumbs |
| #57 | Cancel the Trip to Provence |
| #58 | Edit the Anecdotes |
| #59 | Don’t Fear the Thong |
| #60 | Don’t Lust after Paul McCartney |
| 8 Hot vs. Crusty Comparisons | |
| #61 | No Chronic Health Discussions |
| #62 | Screw the Housework |
| MadLibs: A Young Person’s Guide to Housekeeping | |
| #63 | Break that Saturday Night Sex Routine |
| #64 | Stop Surfing the Net |
| 25 Web Expressions You Should Know Now | |
| #65 | Have No Problem |
| #66 | Sponge off Your Parents |
| #67–73 | How Not to Party Old |
| #74 | Don’t Be Shocked by a Touch of Girl-on-girl |
| 10 Other Things Not to Be Shocked By | |
| #75 | No to the Negativity |
| Anti-negativity Spin Chart: 6 Upbeat Substitutes | |
| #76 | Enough with the Man-bashing |
| 5 Deathless Man-bashing Jokes | |
| #77 | Don’t Fear the Silence |
| #78 | Don’t Live Somewhere Old |
| #79 | Don’t Say the Doctor, the Copper, or the Teacher ‘Looks Twelve’ |
| #80 | Cancel the Dinner Party |
| #81–87 | How Not to Facebook Old |
| #88 | Crumble the Dried Flowers |
| #89 | Forget the Sixties Nostalgia |
| #90 | Don’t Wake Up Before Dawn |
| #91 | Enough with the Jane Austen Worship |
| 15 Cool Dead Famous People | |
| 8 Uncool Dead Famous People | |
| #92 | Don’t Fear the Remote |
| #93 | No History |
| #94 | Don’t Plan |
| #95 | Don’t Be Named Bob or Pat |
| Change Your Name/Change Your Age: 10 Updates for Your Old Fart Name | |
| #96 | Torch Your Books |
| 7 Ways to Read Younger | |
| #97 | Get off the Eternal Diet |
| Young Person’s Diet and Exercise Plan: 13 Simple Steps to Never Gaining a Pound | |
| #98 | Say Yay! |
| #99–124 | How Not to Holiday Old |
| #125 | Don’t Live in a Big House and Complain about Money |
| 6 Ways to Renovate Your Money Complaints | |
| #126 | C’mon, Tell Us All about Your Sex Life |
| #127 | Scratch that Golf Game |
| #128 | Never Admit You Have No Freaking Clue Who Leighton, Dappy, Rihanna, Little Boots, Tinchy, or Pixie Are |
| #129 | Turn Your Stereo Up and Your TV Down |
| #130 | Unless You’re in Nagasaki, Don’t Give (or Ask for) Directions |
| #131 | No Hovering |
| #132 | Don’t Cook the Roast |
| 12 Steps to Making Dinner Young | |
| #133 | Don’t Lust after the Lifeguard |
| 10 Signs You Might Be a Lech | |
| #134 | Dehyphenate Your Name |
| #135 | Don’t Fear the Teenager |
| #136 | Stop Bossing Everybody Around |
| #137 | Don’t Send Greetings Cards |
| #138 | No Matching Anything |
| #139–143 | U Can’t Has Convertible |
| #144 | Don’t Go Thinking that Gut Is Normal |
| #145 | Enough with the Midsummer Murders, Already! |
| 12 Other Cultural References Sure to Date You | |
| #146 | Don’t Count Out Exact Change |
| 9 Ways to Annoy Old | |
| #147–160 | How Not to Act Old at a Wedding |
| #161 | Don’t Watch the Evening News |
| #162 | Stop All that Moving Around |
| #163 | Hold the Moo Goo Gai Pan |
| Old Food/Young Food: 18 Culinary Comparisons | |
| #164 | Shave the Soul Patch |
| 12 Things You Can’t Even Think about Wearing (for Men) | |
| #165 | Stop Hoping Lauren Conrad Will Just Go Away |
| 12 Other People and Things That Won’t Disappear Anytime Soon (No Matter How Much You Wish They Would) | |
| #166 | Don’t Be a Chicken |
| 8 Fear-conquering Ideas | |
| #167 | Step Away from the Giant Pumpkin |
| #168 | Autumn Is So Not Your Favourite Season |
| 8 Other Favourites You May Want to Rethink | |
| #169 | Get Rid of the Harley |
| 14 Things that Used to Be Young but Are Now Old | |
| 17 Things that Used to Be Old but Are Now Young | |
| #170 | No, that Was Not Mary-Kate Olsen You Saw on the Number 66 Bus |
| #171 | Don’t Have Black Friends, Gay Friends, Guy Friends, Jewish Friends, or Young Friends |
| #172 | Don’t Wear Pyjamas |
| #173 | Gotta Love those Entourage Boys |
| #174 | No Bras the Size of Scotland |
| #175 | Neutralize Your Crazy Old Sperm |
| #176 | Don’t Fear the Birthday |
| MadLibs: How to Celebrate Your Birthday Right | |
| #177 | Stifle the Rants |
| #178 | Don’t Go Hatin’ on Christmas |
| Chocolate-chip Meringue Cookies | |
| #179 | Don’t Post Yourself on Youporn |
| #180 | Don’t Try to Be as Thin as Twiggy |
| #181 | Don’t Drive Too Fast … or Too Slow |
| #182 | Don’t Talk to Strangers |
| #183 | No Arcade Fire or Porkpie Hats |
| 8 Items of Hipster Gear You Can Get Away With | |
| 8 Items of Hipster Gear You Can’t | |
| #184 | Don’t Walk Small |
| #185 | Don’t Die. Or Even Consider the Possibility of Dying |
| 7 Cool Ways to Die (If You Must) | |
| 7 Uncool Ways to Die | |
| Footnotes | |
| Keep Reading | |
| Acknowledgements | |
| About the Author | |
| Other Books By | |
| About the Publisher |
