Читать книгу Yes, Please. Whatever!: How to get the best out of your teenagers - Penny Palmano - Страница 36

Although teenagers may remark that other friend’s parents are ‘so cool’ or ‘legends’, or that youngish mothers who wear even…‘younger’ clothes look ‘hot’ or ‘fit’, what they actually want their own parents to be is ‘normal’. ‘Normal’ is wearing normal clothes, not trying to look too fashionable or too young or even worse, too trendy. ‘Normal’ is ordinary language, not trying to talk in da lingo of teenagers and not trying to act or speak hip in front of their friends.

Treat their friends with respect, be polite and friendly, don’t make embarrassing comments or criticize and don’t reveal any information that your teenagers may have told you about them or ask any embarrassing questions. And don’t disclose anything that you have been told about anyone else by your teenagers to your friends.

As for your own children, never say anything to their friends about an incident relating to them, their behaviour, anything they said about anyone else or anything that could be construed as embarrassing. Another ‘no-no’ is to put your children down in front of their friends, for instance, ‘I wish you could talk some sense into Billy, I certainly can’t get through to him.’ Or ‘I don’t know why Billy can’t have his hair the same length as yours instead of all over his face.’ Comments like these will not only annoy and upset your own child but embarrass their friend.

You need to gain your teenager’s trust that you can be amongst their friends and neither do nor say anything embarrassing. And don’t be surprised when your teenagers don’t want to be seen in public with you. It’s not personal.

In my late teens a good friend of mine was distraught that her boyfriend had left her and the mere mention of his name would set her off in floods of tears. As she was coming to our home for supper I primed my parents not to say anything about it to her, but to talk of other things. They both guaranteed they wouldn’t mention it. As soon as she arrived, the first thing my father said to her was, ‘Hello Nicky, where did it all go wrong, then?’

Another time when I was sixteen, a guy I had fancied for months finally asked me to dance at a nightclub and drove me home. In our drive he had just leaned over for the kiss I had dreamt about for months when my father started flashing the outside light, then appeared in his pyjamas beckoning for me to go in. I was so embarrassed I could have died. I stormed past him and he seemed genuinely surprised that I was angry. Fathers!