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Politics and cats don’t mix

April 27, 2017

I don’t write about politics because—and this gets delicate—I hate politics.

No, it’s not that I hate politics. It’s just that I don’t like talking about it. Growing up, our family never talked about politics, religion, money and never, ever about sex. The one time that subject came up was when a stray cat strayed into our backyard and, I guess through immaculate conception, had baby cats. When I broached the subject, talk turned swiftly to whether our Miami Dolphins could go undefeated for the entire 1973 season.

When I was young, I asked my dad how much money he made. He looked at me like I had asked him to forward his salary to the church of Scientology. I changed the subject back to the Dolphins.

As a card-carrying journalist of 35 years, I often have politics coming out of my ears (which is embarrassing to clean up in public). I can’t imagine readers needing one more journalist to tell them what they think or should be thinking or doing. Between the late night hosts and cable news and comedy shows and political websites and what’s that other thing? Wait, yes, and between all those newspapers, too, who needs another political expert, commentator, talk show host or columnist?

Still, when a man uses bullet items, he can’t resist sharing his political musings and advice:

The border wall

No matter how you feel about bordering us off from Mexico at incalculable costs, instead let’s consider a trip to our neighborhood Lowe’s. They got all kinds of fences and pretty cheap. If, as a country, we opt against a Canterbury or Victorian garden fence, we can pick up a white, vinyl “Privacy Fence.” Not only is it made in the U.S.A. (whew!), but we could paint it red and blue, too.

Don’t know what 2,000 miles of decorative privacy fence will set us back, but say goodbye to all those illegal perennials sneaking over the border.

North Korea

This is a toughie. That dude is scary nuts.

Be smart.

National monuments

The president signed an executive order that could lead to the reduction or elimination of some national monuments. The 1906 Antiquities Act gives presidents the power to limit use of public land for historic, cultural, scientific or other reasons. Decisions made by recent presidents to preserve such lands are now under review.

But what about those ‘73 Dolphins??!!

Syria

Another toughie. Complicated. Sad.

Be smart.

Climate change

Future winter in Annapolis, a crisp 88 degrees ... I went snorkeling with a friend at the artificial reef that was once the Market House. Afterward, we waded over to watch Navy Seals train at the Naval Academy, which locals have taken to calling the found city of Atlantis. My friend’s snorkel mask was leaking, so we gave up and got into my kayak.

As we rode the quaint yet vigorous currents up Main Street, our thoughts turned to the scientific reality of man-made global warming. After a thoughtful 30-second discussion, we broke out our fishing tackle and cast for rockfish above what we think was the old Subway. Caught our limit before finding dry land in Crofton.

Mexico

Big. Neighbor. Undocumented perennials.

Be smart.

Tax reform

The president unveiled a tax cut proposal that would apply a 15 percent business tax rate not only to corporations but to small businesses. The standard deduction for individuals would increase, reportedly providing a modest cut for middle-income people.

As I said, I don’t like talking about money.

But what about that cat??!!