Читать книгу I Choose to L.I.V.E. - Embracing the Real Me - Saunya Williams Ph.D. - Страница 16

18

I Choose to L.I.V.E.

pain and enabled me to sketch a beautiful life onto an empty soul. I would sneak and use my mother’s makeup to do the best that I could to make myself look pretty because I believed that the abuse had made me so ugly. I had learned about makeup by watching my mother so I was confident that I had enough skill to emulate her. I remember how I used to get chastised by my mother for always lying about wearing makeup. I would wipe off my makeup before I arrived home from school, but I did not realize that my red-stained lips and “raccoon eyes” were the keys to my guiltiness.

During those years, I always wished that I had a lock on my bedroom door to keep my stepfather from just walking in on me. On many occasions, I had to cover myself with only my two hands because he would time his uninvited entrance to catch me naked. My stepfather would also enter unannounced to expose his nude body to me. He would often position himself on top of me or next to me to try to initiate some level of intimacy between us. My stepfather was also adamant about kissing and would hold my face to prevent me from turning away. Beyond that, he would feel, grab, squeeze, and force his “impression” upon me at any time.