Читать книгу I Choose to L.I.V.E. - Embracing the Real Me - Saunya Williams Ph.D. - Страница 6

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INTRODUCTION

One year in particular, I traveled for approximately 40 out of 52 weeks and spent over 150 nights in various hotels. The extensive travel was required for my job so I was accustomed to “life on the road,” as I considered my lifestyle. After experiencing so many challenges, I was certain that I had put the worst of them behind me. Unexpectedly, the weight of being molested as a child had started to resurface, and the weight soon became an unbearable encumbrance. The fact that the burden was so heavy was an indication that my previous attempts to bury that particular burden had not been as successful as I thought.

For many years, I had been living with a forward-thinking motto and more self-confidence so I was surprised to realize that my struggle with being molested was very much alive. I was revisiting the most traumatic battle of my life, and my feeling of being a conqueror had suddenly vanished. My chest felt like a building had collapsed upon me, and I doubted that I was strong enough to overcome the same battle again. I turned to God for understanding and asked, “Why me and why now?”

Simultaneously, I had been in a long-distance relationship with Raider for almost five years so I welcomed the opportunity to minimize the distance between us. I thought that my travel schedule would benefit our relationship by affording us with more time together. Quickly, I discovered that the excitement that he had shown toward me was not sincere. I was well aware that Raider had been experiencing financial hardship over the years, but I never imagined the enormous depth of his deception. I could not comprehend why Raider preferred to continuously live in a path of self-destruction, which included lies, theft, and domestic abuse.

Until then, I never realized that I had created an exhausting role for myself by relying on my personal relationships to fill such a huge void. I had spent the majority of my life believing that a successful relationship with a man was my only way to experience real love. When I lost the very thing that I had believed was the key to my healing, I did not know what