Читать книгу The Interpersonal Communication Playbook - Teri Kwal Gamble - Страница 88

While we tend to hold on to our existing self-concept—even when it is proved false—this does not mean that we cannot change it. We just have to work to overcome our natural resistance. To combat the tendency to cling to an erroneous self-concept, we need to develop the willingness and skills to reevaluate or reinvent ourselves. That way, we will be better able to shed outdated conceptions.

To start this process, we need to understand how we manage to maintain a self-image that others may regard as unrealistic. Perhaps because we are overly concerned with how we come across to others, we put all our energy into presenting ourselves in as favorable a light as possible. When we focus on ourselves, however, we are less likely to notice others’ reactions to us, and we may miss feedback revealing how they really see us. Sometimes, however, others are reticent to provide accurate feedback for fear of hurting our feelings. Other times, we base our assessment of ourselves on obsolete information, clinging to memories rather than face current realities.

We can also be our own worst critics and view ourselves more harshly than others. For example, we might convince ourselves that we are fat despite others insisting we are a perfect weight. Why do we do this? We might be acting on information that was true at one time but is no longer. Or we might receive distorted feedback from an overly critical friend that warps our view of ourselves. Or we might criticize ourselves simply because we believe that society prefers we own up to our inadequacies, while downplaying our strengths.

When you visualize yourself, do you see a person who can achieve anything or a person with limitations who is likely to fail? To change your self-concept, assess your strengths and shortcomings honestly, freeing yourself to reshape your self-image and grow.