Читать книгу Living An Orgasmic Life - Xanet Pailet - Страница 10
ОглавлениеOne Night Can Change Your Life
At thirty-five years of age, I absolutely HATED sex. Everything about it was painful. Intercourse just plain hurt, and I’d landed in the doctor’s office with female problems more times than I could count. Just thinking about sex was stressful. Talking about it was impossible. So, like many couples, my husband and I simply stopped having sex. If you had told me that I’d be having multiple orgasms, ejaculating, and riding hour-long waves of orgasmic pleasure in my fifties, I would have said, “You must be on drugs.”
How does a woman who has lost all interest in sex and whose libido has been in a decades long slumber wake up to discover the delights of lovemaking, reclaim her sexuality, and begin to live an orgasmic life? It all started from a chance encounter on OK Cupid, an online dating site, where I met Eric, also known as “Tantra Man.” Eric offered me an experience that changed the course of my life.
It was a hot summer night in Midtown Manhattan. When Eric welcomed me into his apartment, I smiled, breathing in the sweet smell of rosehips. He’d invited me over for a relaxed Sunday evening, promising a big surprise. He was an excellent cook and had made us dinner a couple times before, so I assumed the surprise was a special menu. Over the previous three days, I’d been musing about what might be in store. But he wasn’t wearing his chef apron and designer jeans per usual. In fact, his attire was downright unusual: he was wearing nothing but a sarong, a body length multicolored scarf, tied around his waist. I was startled and a wee bit tongue-tied at first—I’d never seen anyone wear a sarong in New York—but managed to untie my tongue and ask, with just a hint of sarcasm, “So is that my surprise? We’re going to Maui?”
He smiled, said, “Nooooooo…” and with a sweep of his arm, led me into the apartment, which was rather warm. I decided he must have chosen the sarong due to the heat and felt myself relax.
He directed me toward his beautiful leather sofa and I sat down. He placed a lovely tray of cheese, nuts, crudités, and crackers on the coffee table, along with an expensive bottle of red wine.
Hmmm…I thought. This, too, was a break from his usual behavior. He’d never served appetizers before. What in the world did he have in mind?
I’d met Eric several months earlier on OKCupid. When we first crossed paths, he was recently separated from his wife of many years. I found him to be incredibly needy, even clingy, and sexually aggressive in a way that really turned me off. Our relationship, such as it was, had been rather rocky. We’d broken up a couple of times over the first few months. He really hadn’t a clue how to treat a woman, but he was extremely smart, interesting to talk to, and a successful businessman. We were so well-matched intellectually that I stayed in the game. Not in a gazillion years would I have guessed he’d be the man to change the game for me entirely.
Eric sat down on the couch a good foot and a half away from me. I was thankful for the space and once again noted this break from his usual behavior. In fact, he was displaying none of his typical neediness, which gave me a chance to feel a desire for closeness I’d never felt around him before.
He spread some soft goat cheese on a cracker and handed it to me. “Please have some.”
I accepted and looked into his eyes. But I couldn’t find the words to wonder aloud about the big surprise so I simply said, “Thank you.” I was completely certain that he’d read the quizzical look on my face.
He smiled, moved about two inches closer to me on the couch, reached for some cashews, and turned his body to face me directly.
“I suppose you’re wondering what’s going on,” he said. “Well, I spent the last two days in a workshop with a Tantra master.”
I didn’t have a frame of reference for a Tantra master, so I just nodded and waited for him to say more.
As he began to share his experience, I noticed that his demeanor was completely different than how I’d experienced him before. He was confident, kind, and loving, and his passion for this Tantra thing was so intoxicating that I barely heard a word he said. Nonetheless, as he continued to speak, I found myself leaning in, hoping to understand what he was saying.
“The really intriguing thing about Tantra,” he said, “is the focus on worshipping the Goddess.”
Again, I didn’t have a frame of reference, other than the small big-bellied figurines I’d seen in a book about ancient matriarchal societies.
He moved back a little away from me and seemed to be taking my temperature on this idea, then said, “I was thinking we could dedicate this evening to Goddess worship.”
Unsure of the meaning of this proposal, I said, “I’m not sure what you mean. Goddess worship?”
He explained that the workshop with the Tantra master had opened his eyes to a whole new world, a world he wanted to share with me…if I was willing. He described it as a world that would involve all of my senses, a world in which I would be the focus of his attention, a world where he would put his sexual desire aside and focus solely on my pleasure. “I simply want to worship you as the embodiment of the Goddess.”
I stammered. Looked around the room for a place to hide. Battled my urge to race out the door and finally convinced myself that it couldn’t hurt. I could always get up and leave if this Goddess worship thing turned into yet another failed romantic attempt. “I suppose,” I said. “What do you want me to do?”
He smiled, picked up his iPad, and put on what he called his new “Tantra playlist.” Then for the first time since I’d stepped through the door, he moved close, touched my knee and said, “You just sit there and enjoy the music. Have some cheese and nuts. I’m going to draw you a bath.”
That first night of Goddess worship was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I literally just lay on his bed and allowed myself to be pleasured with no expectations. I did not have crazy, screaming orgasms (those came later), but I did experience my body in a way I never had before. I didn’t know I was capable of experiencing such an immense amount of pleasure. And the connection I felt to my sexuality was completely new to me.
That night was the beginning of a wondrous journey. I had a long road ahead of me, but that night lit a flame in my belly and gave me a mountain of hope. I did not have to be a broken woman forever.
