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Too Big, Too Small: Sex Organ Shame

In my case, while growing up, I had huge issues about the size of my breasts, which just seemed way out of proportion to the rest of my body. My mother never thought to make sure I was wearing a bra with decent support, so they bounced all over the place. I wasn’t upset about this because I assumed it was normal, until I found out it wasn’t. It was a warm spring morning, so I was wearing only a tight T-shirt as I walked along the busy street on my way to school. A red pick-up truck drew up beside me. Workmen in the back of the truck pointed to me and called out “Hey, big tits,” while giving me very sexual looks. I was devastated. My face turned bright red; I started crying and ran away. For several months afterward, I made my mother drive me to school. Every time I passed that corner, I felt sick to my stomach. It took years for me to overcome this body image issue and realize that my breasts are one of my most valuable assets.

Many men also suffer from body shame. The Guardian published an article, “Me and My Penis: 100 Men Reveal All,”3 an interview with Laura Dodsworth, author of Manhood: The Bare Reality (Pinter & Martin, LTD, 2017), a new book about men and sexuality. The author photographed one hundred men’s penises and then talked to them about body image issues and sexuality. What surprised her most? “A lot more men feel a sense of shame or anxiety about their size, or an aspect of their performance, than I would have thought. What really moved me is how much that shame and inadequacy had bled into different parts of their life.”

Internet pornography causes lots of cock shame. You have no idea how many men feel inadequate because they compare their completely normal size penis to the lengths and girths of porn stars. Men, the cocks in pornography are not normal! They are either digitally enhanced or are injected with drugs to induce an erection and increase engorgement. A 2015 study in the British Journal of Urological Surgeons reported that an average size erect penis is 5.1 inches in length and 4.6 inches in girth (circumference). A 6.5-inch penis is in the ninety-fifth percentile; most porn stars are in the ninety-ninth percentile of penis size! And the truth is that most women don’t really care about the size of a man’s cock, as long as he knows how to use it. In fact, a man with a smaller cock can have quite the advantage when it comes to giving a woman an internal G-spot orgasm with his penis if he learns how.

Cock shame comes up for boys in many different circumstances as they are growing up. The proverbial locker room cock size comparison has done quite a number on many men. But the majority of cock shaming comes from women who complain about the size of their partner’s cock, or even worse, compare one cock to another.

Cock Size Shame: Jim’s Story

Jim was only twenty-nine years old, but was having erection problems. He was referred to me because he was considering having a penile implant, which should be unnecessary in a healthy twenty-nine-year-old man. What was really going on for Jim? In Jim’s last relationship, his girlfriend had complained about the size of his cock, saying he was smaller than other men she had been with. Jim started a regimen of useless supplements (they do not make the cock bigger), as well as a series of intense exercises to stretch his cock. He completely bought into the notion that his cock size was inadequate. This shame had a huge impact on him.

When I first met him, he had low energy, his shoulders were bent over, and you could tell that he was carrying a big weight. He was struggling with school and his career. In one of our early sessions, we measured the size of his erect penis, and I showed him this chart indicating average penis size.

Distribution of Penis Size from a sample of 15,000 Men

Average erect penis is 5.16 inches (13.12 cm)

I could literally see the weight lift from his shoulders as it dawned on him that his six-inch erect penis was way above average. By the end of the session he was standing tall and beginning to feel his own power. I also gave Jim lots of compliments about his cock.