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Introduction

The concept of an “orgasmic life” first appeared on the vision board I created five years ago when I started my business The Power of Pleasure after having just left a two decades long sexless marriage. To me, living an orgasmic life means that you are living a life that flows easily, without struggle, just like how an orgasm happens. What I learned on my journey of sexual healing and awakening is that sexuality is at the core of our being. It is powerful beyond words. Not only can it help us achieve a state of sexual bliss, but it can also alter the course of our entire life. Dynamic personal growth and transformation are available when a woman fully connects with her sexuality and orgasmic potential. When this happens, she will inevitably experience a flood of new life force energy and a surge of creativity. The result is typically a profound shift in her intimate life that ripples out into every part of her world.

In the pages that follow, I will share my story and the stories of other women and men who have made this surprising transformation. Read with an open heart, and you will begin to feel the vital flame of your sexuality begin to flicker. In each chapter, I will share essential lessons that can take your sex life from ho-hum or nonexistent to fulfilling on every level.

You will learn a practical approach that is simple, but not always easy. Through a process of inquiry and self-reflection, coupled with self-directed activities, you will discover:

•The many factors that cause women to shut down their sexuality

•Why it’s so hard to talk about sex in a world where everything is about sex

•The number one reason women lose their desire for sex and what to do about it

•How sexual trauma can occur and how to heal it

•Your sexual blueprint: what it is and how to read it

•How attachment theory relates to your intimate life

•What the journey to sexual healing looks like

•How to find your path to pleasure

•Awakening your body through somatic and hands-on healing

•How to reignite your libido

•The truth about your pleasure potential

•What you can do to start living an orgasmic life in the bedroom and beyond

If I could transform my sex life at the age of fifty, I know for certain that you can as well, whether you are twenty-five or sixty-five. If you feel broken or disconnected from your sexual self, find yourself avoiding lovemaking, or can’t sustain intimacy, this book will help you reclaim your sexuality and move toward living an orgasmic life. Welcome to the journey.

A Note about Terminology

For many women, what we call our sexual body parts is a charged subject. I recently had a woman walk out of one of my classes when I used the word “pussy.” And while Donald Trump’s sadly derisive use of the term during his 2016 presidential campaign made “pussy” a household word, it still makes many women uncomfortable. There are many words for vagina and penis from which to choose, and what is offensive to one woman may be endearing to another. I use words for sexual body parts interchangeably to help you see that a word is just a word. It’s the connotation, belief system, and socialization that make words feel charged.

Here are the words for female and male genitalia I will use in this book:

•Vagina/Vulva

•Pussy

•Yoni

•Penis

•Cock

•Lingam

I encourage you to add to this list all the names you’ve heard, read, or used for vaginas and penises, including nicknames that you may have for your own, or your partner’s, body parts. Then pick the ones that you like and start using them.

For My LGBTQ Friends

The nature of this book that recounts my own heteronormative relationships, as well as client case studies involving my client population, requires me to delve into the differences between cisgender men and women when it comes to intimacy and sexuality. I have tried to use gender-neutral terms wherever possible (e.g., “partner” rather than “wife/husband” or “boyfriend/girlfriend”). I hope that you will find much of the information in this book useful in examining your own relationships and sexuality regardless of the genders of the subjects.