Читать книгу Comfortable Chaos - Carolyn Harvey & Beth Herrild - Страница 32

Mike is spending most of his time in the left-hand circle and only a few things are falling into his shaded area. He could save himself a great deal of frustration if he identified what he can truly control and focused his time in the shaded area where the two circles overlap. He should also decide to let some left-hand circle items go or redefine them so they are in his “want and can” area. For example, Mike could have a discussion with his wife about what areas of the house he feels most strongly about neatness and together they could find a way to keep that minimum standard. Maybe his wife and kids will partially clean up that area before he gets home and Mike can do the finishing touches.

If you suspect you are like Mike, operating primarily in the “want” circle, make a list of all of the things that you feel are vital for you to exert some control over in order to be a happy, healthy, and successful person. As you think of them you could jot them down in the appropriate circle in Exercise 4. If the item is something you want to control, put it in the left-hand circle. If it is something you definitely want to and can control, list it in the shaded area.

What does your diagram look like? Take a look at the things that are in your left-hand circle, but not in the overlap area. You may be able to influence some of these things, but not totally control them. If you are operating outside your “want and can” area by trying to finesse the outcomes of things that you don’t actually have control over, the results are stress, fatigue, anger, unhappiness, and depression. It is like beating your head against a brick wall.

Now let’s take a look at an opposite example. Paula is a freelance photographer who works from home and has twin 11-year-old boys. Her major frustration is getting the boys to start and complete their homework. It seems as if every evening the boys are up too late because they didn’t get their homework done earlier and then everyone is tired the next morning. Paula’s strategy has been to start reminding them of homework as soon as they get home from school but it hasn’t made a difference.

Paula’s own style preference is impacting the entire family. She enjoys the rush of a deadline and often stays up late herself to complete her work. Structure and schedules are definitely not her preference. Her situation is depicted in Figure 3.