Читать книгу 100 Of The Best Curses and Insults In Italian: A Toolkit for the Testy Tourist - Rachel Federman, Chuck Gonzales, Rachel Federman - Страница 10

SITUATION #5: WAITER HATER

As luck would have it, an important client has taken you to dinner at a Florentine trattoria where the snooty staff doesn't speak a lick of English. Desperate not to reveal yourself to your gourmand colleague as the inexperienced and finicky eater you really are, you seize the moment when he slips away to the WC (bathroom) to beg communication with your waiter. Your attempt at miming a person twirling long noodles around a fork is met with a blank stare. So you sketch a mounding plate of noodles and meatballs on a paper napkin and hand it over hopefully. The next thing you know, your waiter has doubled over with laughter just as your client returns with puzzlement to the table.

What to do:

Dignifying the situation with as little fanfare as you can, turn to face your waiter with a smile as sweet as vin santo (a dessert wine from Tuscany) and deliver the following threat in the same tone you might use if introduced to the Pope.

What to say:

SE NON LA PIANTI DI ROMPERMI TI RIDUCO IN POLPETTE!

“Leave me alone or I'll make hamburger meat out of you!”

It’s appropriate to say this because. . .

Unlike elsewhere in the world, where aspiring actors and model wannabes wait tables in order to scrape by and make rent, the service industry in Italy is one that is taken quite seriously. That said, just because your waiter is capable of memorizing who ordered the fried zucchini flowers, doesn’t give him the right to treat you like an uncultured buffoon.

In the know:

While tipping is customary in some European countries, it is not expected in Italy. And don’t let yourself feel guilty about that fact. You’re probably being charged without realizing it for that the carb-olicious basket of bread!

EXTRA CREDIT

Want to tell that waiter what you really think of him? Here are just a few suggestions off our insult menu:

SEI. . .

(You are. . .)

. . .UN MALEDUCATO

(. . .a boor)

. . .UN ROMPICOGLIONI

(. . .a pain in the ass)

. . .UNO STRONZO

(. . .an asshole)

. . .UN TESTA DI CAZZO

(. . .a d**ckhead)

. . .UN PORCO

(. . .a pig)