Читать книгу 100 Of The Best Curses and Insults In Italian: A Toolkit for the Testy Tourist - Rachel Federman, Chuck Gonzales, Rachel Federman - Страница 6

SITUATION #1: OFF THE HOOK

Never satisfied with the way you experienced Rome as a hostel-hopping pseudo-hippy twenty-something, you've come back to collect. You check yourself into a lavishly-appointed landmark hotel with unobstructed views of the Spanish Steps and Trevi Fountain. Your spanking new suede Ferragamo loafers (the love children of at least five grade-A swine hides) are loving your feet in a way your ex-girlfriend never quite managed. Giving your favorite filmmaker (Fellini) the nod, you sidle up to Harry's Bar and order yourself a bellini. Your living “la dolce vita” (the sweet life) vibe is received loud and clear by the hottest modella (model) in the room. You send her a drink. She returns with a wink. Just as you start to suggest slipping off to a quiet place where you can get to know one another, she whispers into your ear that her "companionship" will run you 500 euros. To top it off, your nosy asshole of a bartender makes a less-than-feeble attempt at concealing his snickers.

What to do:

Remind yourself that you're still the same rock star you were five minutes earlier. The only one poised to lose here is the tender, whose tip was just reduced to zilch (though he might not know it yet). So with your head held high (and comfort taken in the knowledge that your Pratesi hotel bed linens will remain pristinely disease-free), lean toward the bartender and smile conspiratorially as you boast:

What to say:

CHE MINCHIA GUARDI? ANCHE A ROCCO SIFFREDI OGNI TANTO LE COSE VANNO MALE!

“What the hell are you looking at? Even Rocco Siffredi fails sometimes!”

The bartender will understand your full meaning here since Rocco Siffredi is a hugely famous Italian porn star.

It’s appropriate to say this because. . .

You are a stud! And it’s not your fault you’re found irresistible even by society’s “harder-working” ladies.

In the know:

Don’t take home a hooker unless you’re prepared to find yourself behind bars of an altogether different kind! Before 1959, prostitution was fully legal in Italy and occurred primarily inside of case chiuse (“closed houses”). Then the legge Merlin (Merlin law) forced the closure of the case chiuse, displacing many prostitutes onto the streets. Today, understanding Italian laws as they pertain to prostitution can be just as challenging as pairing the right pasta and sauce: while prostitution is not actually a crime in Italy, "aiding, abetting, and, exploiting" prostitutes is!

Most of the prostitutes in Italy are students. The next largest population group? Housewives! Arrivederci, Windex!

EXTRA CREDIT

A few words you may want to know should you unwittingly find yourself engaged in a conversation with a hooker:

SEI SICURA CHE IL TUO PAPPONE SIA D’ACCORDO CON TUTTO QUESTO?

“Now you’re sure your pimp is okay with this?”

LO CONFESSO: SONO ANCORA VERGINE.

“I must confess: I’m still a virgin.”

ERI SERIA QUANDO DICEVI DI AMARMI?

“Did you really mean it when you said you loved me?”