Читать книгу 100 Of The Best Curses and Insults In Italian: A Toolkit for the Testy Tourist - Rachel Federman, Chuck Gonzales, Rachel Federman - Страница 11

SITUATION #6: OH, MAN!

It’s amore (love)—and it’s official. After months of negotiation, your Italian stallion boyfriend has finally moved in with you! You can practically hear the wedding bells and bambino (baby) coos. You note with pleasure that said ragazzo (boy) seems to have settled into your space almost seamlessly before discovering with horror the following morning that he has claimed one of your three closet shelves for his 19—yes, that’s correct, NINETEEN!—man-bags. When you ask him why a man—really anyone—should need so many bags, he counters that different bags look bello (beautiful) with different outfits. He may as well have just bagged your entire sex life, you’re so turned off.

What to do:

Suggest he reconsider and get rid of at least half of his purses. If he refuses, ask him if he might need a shelf in the bathroom for his makeup, too. If that still doesn’t work, redirect your approach and draw attention to his shrinking manhood.

What to say:

DICI CHE POTREBBE STARCI ANCHE UNA POMPAPER ALLUNGARE IL PENE SULLA MENSOLA?

“Think we can fit a penis pump on that shelf, too?”

It’s appropriate to say this because. . .

This is the guy you’re supposed to be spending your nights with. The one you’re supposed to be sleeping with. . .as in more than just sleeping. And he has 19 purses? Your southern half is insisting that you sort out this metrosexual mess pronto.

In the know:

Italian men are truly comfortable with their own sexuality. They use terms of endearment for one another such as bellissimo (beautiful) and caro (dear) with enough ease that you may never feel 100% confident which team any man is really playing for. Things like hugging and kissing each other, staring at themselves in mirrors for long periods of time, and sipping on pink “girly” drinks are in no way indications of any man’s sexual preference.

EXTRA CREDIT

Keep your “man” in check every once in a while with one of these reminders:

VOGLIO UN UOMO CON LE PALLE.

“I like my men with balls.”

E’ PER QUESTO CHE HO UNA RAGAZZA

“That’s what I have girlfriends for.”

SÌ, QUELLA GONNA TI FA IL CULONE

“Yes, your butt does look big in that skirt.”