Читать книгу Sex For Dummies - Pierre Lehu A., Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer - Страница 83

IN THIS CHAPTER

How dating has changed

Overcoming loneliness

Avoiding dating traps

When I mentioned to people that I was writing the 4th edition of Sex For Dummies, some asked, “Has sex really changed that much that you need a 4th edition?” If the book only covered how to do “it” I would understand their skepticism, but this book covers so much more, and if there’s one area that changed a great deal since the 3^rd edition it’s dating. In fact, it’s changed so much that we decided to give dating an entire chapter.

While there have obviously been tremendous changes to dating, at its most essential, dating hasn’t changed at all. It remains the introductory phase of a potential long-term relationship. To my way of thinking, hooking up (getting together just to have sex) isn’t dating. A future together is not part of the long-term objective of hooking up. Nor is getting together with a group of friends to go to the movies. The way I look at a date is that there are two people spending time with each other, both hoping it will be the first of many such get-togethers, maybe even the start of a lifelong relationship. I’m not saying that everyone you date is someone you think will be your future spouse, but if a date, after the first exploratory one, doesn’t have that potential, it shouldn’t be considered a date.

Dating is a relatively recent invention. For most of mankind’s history, parents decided who their children would marry, and many couples might have had only one or two introductory meetings, if that, before they tied the knot. The concept that an individual could choose whom they wanted to see socially didn’t exist. (And it still is that way in some societies today.) That’s not to say that surreptitious meetings never took place. (Who can forget those star-crossed secret lovers, Romeo and Juliet?) But such secret rendezvous didn’t have any of the trappings of a date as we know it. Since the couple couldn’t be seen in public, their flirting had to remain under wraps.

Once young people were handed the freedom to choose whom to spend time with, dating began as a societal norm. And for a long time the rules of dating remained fairly static. But then along came the Internet and smartphones, and dating morphed into what to some people has become more of a sport than a social activity.