Читать книгу Super Confidence: Simple Steps to Build Your Confidence - Gael Lindenfield, Gael Lindenfield - Страница 31

One of the most difficult aspects of my job is that I am often asked to write references for people. Summing up someone’s personality, aptitudes and skills, usually on one sheet of paper, is an awesome task, but I imagine that most of us would experience even greater difficulty if we were asked to perform a similar exercise on ourselves!

Most people when asked to describe themselves, begin to talk about the ‘roles’ they have in life, for example, a teacher; a mother of two boys; a tennis player; a housewife.

A good way to start some self-discovery is to analyse how we are commonly behaving, feeling and thinking when we are ‘playing’ certain roles in our everyday life. As an example, let’s look at how I analysed two of my own major roles when writing the first edition of this book.

My Role as ‘Mother’

• My behaviour – Looking after; encouraging; teaching; listening; learning; cooking; homemaking

• My feelings – warm; loving; protective; frustrated; angry; happy; excited; puzzled; satisfied

• My thoughts – Wondering how other mothers do it; judging rights and wrongs; planning the future; remembering nostalgic memories of the past; comparing my childhood to that of my children; wondering if I am being too protective

My Role as Therapist

• My behaviour – Listening; encouraging; teaching; giving information; leading; following; confronting

• My feelings – Caring; warm; excited; interested; satisfied; relieved; frustrated

• My thoughts – planning; looking at different possibilities; comparing; wondering if I am being effective

Perhaps you will have noticed that certain themes keep cropping up, such as my caring behaviour, my habit of comparing myself to other people, and my feelings of excitement and frustration. This gives me a clue to the kind of person I was being at that time (rather than the kind of person I thought I was or wanted to be!). Since that time my life-style and my roles have changed. This has happened partly because ‘Fate’ has given me new paths to follow, but also because I have chosen actively to develop certain sides of me and subdue others. As a result, my confidence has grown even more and my old habit of comparing myself to others barely surfaces.

1. List two or three major roles which you are currently playing in your life and give honest examples of your common behaviours, thoughts and feelings.

2. List the common themes.

3. Grade the following list of values for yourself. (This is harder to do than you may think, but useful because we often do have to choose between two values when we are making everyday decisions.)

4. Choose two significant people in your life and imagine how they might grade these values. (Being confident often involves having to negotiate with others over which value should have priority.)

5. Put a mark beside any of these values which you regard as non-negotiable, and add any others which you would also include in this category.

honesty loyalty self-fulfilment independence mutual caring self-discipline