Читать книгу Super Confidence: Simple Steps to Build Your Confidence - Gael Lindenfield, Gael Lindenfield - Страница 32

Confident people are aware of both their good points and their bad points and feel comfortable about other people knowing these, too. I have found that the people attending my courses can much more easily share the latter than the former!

Unfortunately, for many people, it still seems socially unacceptable to share their strengths openly with each other. For example, even in this competitive age, when you look through most job applications, you notice a marked tendency for people – especially women – to ‘play safe’ by underselling themselves. This tendency can also be noted in the personal columns of papers where people advertise hoping to find friends and partners. Here, humour is very often used as a cover for the embarrassment of declaring your virtues openly to the world.

People lacking in confidence have usually had an extra-strong dose of ‘hide-your-light-under-a-bushel’ messages programmed into them and they often need an extra-strong antidote to counteract that! The boasting exercises on here and here are most effective and a good boost for anyone who feels their self-esteem needs the occasional ‘recharge’. And don’t worry, I have never known anyone ‘overdose’ on them yet, or, indeed, become permanently addicted! Practise them until you can openly relate your strengths in a relaxed manner, using a strong, clear voice without becoming giggly or crippled by other awkward behaviours.

Similarly, practise the exercises on here, which will help you to assertively own your faults and weaknesses. They will help you to be more accepting and forgiving of yourself. I have found that most people lacking in confidence have impossible expectations of themselves. They often demand nothing less than perfection from themselves and are consumed with guilt for not living up to these exacting standards. Interestingly, they also have a tendency to expect these standards from people they have designated as their ‘models’ of confidence. As someone who frequently finds herself in this position, I would like to say that it is very tiring, standing up on that pedestal unless, of course, you really are made of stone!

In addition, these exercises will provide a very good foundation from which to practise the assertive techniques for coping with criticism. I will discuss this in the next chapter.