Читать книгу SNAP! - Gary Small - Страница 24

No matter what phase you have reached in your quest for change, you will discover that some strategies are more effective for you than others. By experimenting with different approaches, you will find the ones that work best for you. If you encounter an unforeseen snag with one approach, you may wish to abandon it for a different method. Mental flexibility is key for discovering what motivates you and overcoming the barriers that may be holding you back.

One principle that drives many of our decisions about behavior change is known as operant conditioning. This is a form of learning that occurs when a consequence of a behavior reinforces that behavior. For example, we know that Emma from chapter 1 is a naturally shy individual, and her reclusiveness leads to feelings of loneliness. If she were to become more outgoing, she could create new friendships that would mitigate her sense of isolation. The pleasurable feelings she would experience when she gets out and spends time with new people would be the positive consequence that reinforces her new, outgoing behavior. Of course, a barrier to achieving the popularity she desires may be the initial anxiety she experiences while trying to be more extroverted. If she were to focus on ways to cope better with her anxiety, Emma would have a better chance of minimizing it and overcoming the barrier it poses to her changing.

Effective Strategies for Change

 • Detail your reasons for changing. Knowing the benefits of new behaviors will keep you motivated. Gathering information and talking with experts can provide a strong rationale and will help you stick with your new behaviors. The more clearly you detail and define your goals, the smoother you will move through the phases and achieve them.

 • Identify your barriers. Whether it’s old bad habits, current unhealthy relationships, or any other forces holding you back, making an inventory of your barriers to change will help you identify and overcome them.

 • Process your feelings. Anxiety, guilt, and other uncomfortable emotions often reinforce old behaviors and create barriers to change unless they are thought through and understood. Self-reflection, candid chats with people you trust, or psychotherapy can be effective in elucidating such emotions.

 • Strengthen your support system. The scientific evidence is compelling that strong social support is key to successful behavior change. Spending time with like-minded individuals who share your goals and who can cheer you on will increase your likelihood of success.

 • Shoot for reasonable goals. People often set the bar way too high for success. Achieving a series of smaller goals rather than trying to do everything at once is more likely to lead you to success.

 • Prepare for lapses. Remind yourself that a lapse here or there is common. Anticipate and try not to embrace them as failures. Instead, reframe them as temporary setbacks so you can quickly regain a sense of control.

 • Readjust your approach when necessary. Despite your best efforts, you may find that you keep lapsing back to your old ways. That’s when it’s time to step back, review your goals and motivations, and possibly try an alternative strategy.

As you read ahead, you will get a better idea of your baseline personality, future goals, and how to achieve them. Making a commitment to taking action, defining your end point, and sticking to your program is the formula that has helped many of my patients achieve their goals and become who they wish to be.