Читать книгу My Trans Parent - Heather Bryant - Страница 14

As much as it feels like it’s your parent’s transition and your life is separate, it’s not. It’s your transition, too. That’s not to say that this defines who you are, but you will have your own zig-zag path through this. It will be yours. And you’ll need your own community, too. I didn’t think that I needed a community. My family felt like a community of four. I could talk to my sister and my mom. If someone had offered me a community or a place to go, I would have probably said, “No, thanks.” What I found out later was that community can take many forms. It can be one person who says, “Yeah, I’ve been there.” It can be a group or an online chat. It can be a book or article. It can be someone in your family who really listens.

As Leila said, if your parent really loves you, they’re going to tell you they’re transgender. It’s about trust. People who care will share about who they are, inside and out. If you’ve only known your parent as transgender, like Leila, you might come to a place where they share what this means to them from their experience.

There might not be a conversation if you’ve only known your parent as transgender. It will come out like the rest of their life and yours—in pieces. You will learn over time what it means for them and for you. At one point, they might not share openly in the wider community, and then they might change their minds, too. You can do the same.

Your parent might be crossing the lines of gender or they might have already crossed, but all along you can find out where you fit in. And wherever you are in terms of understanding, that’s where you can start.

Toolbox for First Steps

1. Awareness: Learn what it means to be trans for your parent first. Ask questions if you need to.

2. Acceptance: You may land on acceptance quickly, but don’t rush there if you aren’t feeling it just yet.

3. Action: Take an action on behalf of yourself and your trans parent that feels good and right to you.

4. Know that this will be a transition for you, too. You’ll need help and support through this shift in your family. Whether you need help navigating the shape of your family or your parent, don’t be afraid to ask.