Читать книгу The Good Behaviour Book: How to have a better-behaved child from birth to age ten - Martha Sears - Страница 61

• Don’t forget the garage, with paint thinners, antifreeze, gardening tools, supplies, insecticides, and other hazards.

• Use a safety gate at the top and bottom of stairs, especially if they are steep and unpadded. Some parents choose instead, if their stairs are carpeted and not too steep, to let the baby learn to crawl up and back down and keep a close eye on the ungated stairs for the few weeks it takes baby to learn.

• You can move an adjustable safety gate from doorway to doorway to keep your child away from temptation when you can’t be right on his heels to supervise. Being able to block off the kitchen, for example, can save a lot of wear on mum and dad – you may not want the saucepan cupboard emptied at every opportunity. It’s safe, but sometimes mum can only take so much.

Once you have the “don’t-touch” items out of the way, consider positive steps you can take to encourage good behaviour in your toddler. Give him his own drawer in the kitchen, filled with interesting items to pull out, sort, and study, things like measuring spoons, plastic dishes, a potato masher. Provide things of his own around the house that he can push, pull, turn, and manipulate. Give him a safe outlet for climbing. Let him experiment with pouring water in a saucepan outside or in a bath, or at the sink under your supervision. Uncooked rice or oatmeal are easy-to-clean-up indoor substitutes for pouring sand.

Placing child-sized furniture around the house encourages the busy toddler to sit still longer and “work” at her own special table. A step stool will help her reach the kitchen sink for hand washing, tooth brushing, and for “helping” in the kitchen.

Toddlerhood is an exciting time in a child’s life. It can be great fun just to watch your little one play. Being observant will also help you know when to step in and help out and when to let your child work out a problem on his own. A safe environment allows him to do this.

Organize your day to fit your child. It’s easier to shuffle your daily schedule around a bit than to change the temperament of your toddler. Do not set yourself up for impossible struggles. You know your own child best, and you will learn by trial and error what works. Try these tips:

• Use wisdom when shopping. When you shop with a toddler, be sure you are both well rested, well fed, and be ready with a nutritious snack to keep his mind off the cereal boxes, lettuce, and egg cartons. Be prepared to have it take twice as long – take your baby sling along, let baby ride in the trolley, have fun and a short list. If you’re in a hurry, feeling distracted, or stressed, shop without baby. (See “Supermarket Discipline”).

• Plan ahead. Know your child’s up and down times of the day. Most toddlers behave best in the morning, worst in late afternoon or just before naptimes. Plan outings during what we call “easy times”. Martha finds mornings one of the easiest times of the day to get our children to fit her agenda. During “tough times” of the day, our toddlers stay at home.

• Anticipate your child’s moods. Provide snacks, lunch or supper, before he gets ravenous. Sit down to share some quiet activity before he’s so wound up he can’t fall asleep at night.

• Provide regular routines. You don’t have to be a slave to a schedule, but toddlers need predictability: breakfast first, then get dressed; put on socks and shoes, then go bye-bye; supper, quiet play, bath, brush teeth, then bedtime stories. Routines give a child a sense of mastery.

Organize your child to fit your day. While children are not machines set to behave according to the design of the parent engineer, there are simple ways to channel little minds and bodies to make your day run smoother:

• Rested mind and full tummy. If you have no choice but to take a toddler to a place where it’s difficult to be a two-year-old, plan ahead. Suppose you have a meeting with your older child’s schoolteacher at four o’clock and you have to take along your two-year-old. Encourage your child to take a one-and-a-half-to two-hour nap at one-thirty, give a snack just before leaving home, and take along some quiet but fascinating toys. Be sure your child has had sufficient attention earlier in the day. This may help him behave better while you concentrate on the meeting. Invite him to sit on your lap while you talk.

• Provide workable playtimes. Life with a toddler can seem like a roller-coaster ride unless you know what sets off the highs and the lows. Note what prompts desirable behaviour, and cut out what stirs turmoil. Some play environments foster good behaviour in your child and fewer hassles for you. Seek out the ones that work; avoid the ones that don’t. It may be a who, when, and how-many-playmates decision. Recognize who your child has the most fun with (this may not be the child of your best friend) and the time of the day he plays best. Does he play better one-on-one or beside two or three other mates? Most toddlers do best playing alongside a carefully selected playmate with a compatible temperament. Many children under three are not developmentally ready to play together cooperatively. Playgroups for toddlers work well when the mothers are willing to be present and observant, able to be involved as the toddlers learn the social “ropes”. An alternative to same-age playmates would be four-to-six-year-old playmates for your two-year-old. The older ones like playing with “babies” and they won’t end up fighting.

Eliminate high-risk toys. Plastic bats are great for solo play but a disaster in a group. Select age-and temperament-appropriate toys. An impulsive thrower needs soft toys, not metal cars that he can use as projectiles. If a toy habitually excites squabbles among playing children, shelve it. Children under three do not yet have the developmental capacity to share. (See “Sharing”.)

Busy the bored child. A bored child is a breeding ground for trouble. Let your child be busy with you, sometimes have things to do on his own, and sometimes play with him yourself. The fourteen-to-eighteen-month-old will need you a lot. After that, a toddler is more and more able to self-stimulate.

The bored child with a busy parent is a high-risk mismatch. An attachment-parented child who has been connected well from birth will always be able to make her own fun by age four. Until then, count on the old standby: “Want to help Mummy?” Her “help” may slow you down, but this is less time-consuming than dealing with an “unbusy” child.