Читать книгу The Good Behaviour Book: How to have a better-behaved child from birth to age ten - Martha Sears - Страница 65

The child needs to break from the mother in order to learn about his environment and about himself; the mother needs to let her child go and learn how to maintain their connection over a longer distance. As with so many aspects of discipline, it’s a question of balance, giving the child enough slack to become independent, yet keeping the connection. Mother does not let the child go off entirely on his own, nor does she keep him hanging on to her apron strings because of her own fears or need for his continuing dependence. Throughout the second year, parents may feel they are walking a fine line between being over-restrictive and being negligent. One way carries the risk of hindering a baby’s development, the other of allowing the baby to hurt himself or others or damage property. Here are some ways of keeping connected while helping your baby separate.

Play “out of sight” games. Beginning around nine months of age or earlier, play peek-a-boo and chase around the furniture with your baby. As you hide your face with your hands or you hide your body on the other side of the couch, the baby has the opportunity to imagine that you exist even though you’re out of sight.

Separate gradually. Best odds for a baby developing a healthy sense of self are for the baby to separate from the mother and not the mother from the baby. Discipline problems are less likely to occur when baby separates from mother gradually. When the baby inside the toddler remains connected, the toddler part of this growing person feels more secure to go off on his own. The connected child takes a bit of mother with him for comfort and advice during his explorations. It’s like having the best of both worlds – oneness, yet separateness. We learned to appreciate this feeling during our family sailing adventures. Because our sailboat was fitted with an electronic homing device that kept us “connected” to a radio control tower on land, we felt secure venturing farther out into the ocean. Connection provides security.