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STEFAN AARNIO

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relative to the rest of the world, and we pay high prices because we are conditioned to accept what we are given. When we go shopping at Walmart, we pay the sticker price for every item in the store; we don’t bother negotiating or asking for a better price because of conditioning. In other countries around the world like Mexico, China, and India, goods and services are negotiated, and it’s an accepted part of the culture. Ironically, China, Mexico, and India are becoming some of the most competitive players in the global business arena right now while the United States and Canada fall behind.

To become competitive and get what we want, we must negotiate. Everything we want is currently in the hands of someone else, and the only way to get it is to negotiate.

Most people have problems asking for what we want and getting what we want. We typically get what people give us.

Why?

When you were born you were a good negotiator. When you cried for your mother’s milk, she gave it to you. That is why you are alive and able to read this; if you didn’t win your first negotiation, you wouldn’t be here today. Children and babies understand how to negotiate, they point at something they want and cry and scream until they get it. Somehow in the process of growing up and going through social conditioning we lose our innate ability to negotiate and get what we want.

Why is that?

Every human interaction is negotiation, whether it’s dating or trying to get your wife to agree to buying a new house or deciding on a restaurant. If you’re trying to get your boss to give you the hot new project or a raise, you will have to negotiate. Everyone wants something.

Every human interaction is a negotiation: every look, every touch, and every sound you make is the beginning, middle, or end of a live negotiation. Positions change over time and may become stronger or weaker depending on the circumstances. For example, it may be impossible to get a date with the prom queen when she’s on stage wearing a tiara and a sash surrounded by friends, allies, and admirers. However, it would be much