Читать книгу Raising Able - Susan Tordella - Страница 13

The Latin origin of discipline is disciple, meaning student. The modern definition of discipline has been misinterpreted as punishment. This positive parenting plan advocates that children learn better through encouragement, natural and logical consequences, family meetings, chores and mutual respect rather than punishment.

As parents, our job is to teach children. Punishment is often irrelevant, unnecessary and harsh. Youngsters usually suffer enough when they make a bad decision.

When I make a bad decision, the accompanying pain reminds me to change my behavior without someone hounding me. Children can learn without being punished, overpowered, grounded, physically harmed, blamed or shamed.

One of my favorite bad examples of teaching children is when a mom (or dad) watches William, 4, hit his sister, 2. Mom grabs William, hits him and yells, “Don’t ever hit your sister again!” It’s an ironic example of what not to do.

Recall the best teacher you ever had – inside or outside of school. That person probably didn’t hit, belittle or threaten you to make a point. Your best teacher probably made learning fun, encouraged you to believe in yourself, challenged you to take risks, celebrated your accomplishments, and consoled you after setbacks.

Parents are tasked with being an ideal teacher by example, usually based on how we were raised. Unfortunately, we’re human, and therefore imperfect. We make mistakes, lose patience, and sometimes just don’t feel like being an ideal teacher in every moment.

Lucky for us, our children forgive us for not being perfect. Lucky for us, every day is a new day when we can try again.

Learning to be a good enough parent and developing patience will spill over into life outside of the family. Raising children is a course in self-development. Parents encounter the extremes of the emotional spectrum. I feel a deeper love towards my children than I ever knew existed. With that love and responsibility comes a range of emotions from love to hate, patience to anger and understanding to frustration.

That range of emotion taught me to have what Dreikurs calls “the courage to be imperfect.” Parenting is the toughest job you will ever love. It takes courage to stick with it.