Читать книгу Raising Able - Susan Tordella - Страница 4

The only way I’ve ever significantly changed my thoughts, feelings and deeds has been by sitting in a circle with people who shared the same pain and wanted relief. We met weekly for two or three months, studied and discussed how to change. We practiced the theory in between sessions – until we internalized the lessons.

We shared our doubts and failures. The teacher taught us new strategies, which we applied to our families and lives for a week. Like bees swarming around the queen, we returned to the hive for another bite of honey, support, laughter, to share stories on our mistakes and successes, and find courage to try again. After much practice, I became a teacher in the hive.

You will benefit from reading the book alone. Joining a study group will magnify the results ten times. The results will be more memorable by studying it with other parents, ideally with friends and your spouse. A united team is much more likely to succeed.

Blended families especially benefit from adopting one unified approach. However, if your spouse, former spouse or significant other does not embrace the new plan, one parent can implement it unilaterally. A change in your child’s behavior may convince other adults to follow suit. If not, don’t worry about it. Children are perceptive and adaptable.

Every group I participated in allowed me to polish my skills, gain confidence and have a happier heart and home. I experienced results immediately and built on success. In between courses, I started to slide back to my old ways of yelling, threatening and losing patience. Another class and a different Adlerian-based book reminded me of the power of a positive parenting plan.

It took two to three years to re-train myself to automatically respond differently, to give up most of the yelling and anger (I am not a saint), replace reward, punishment and praise with encouragement, mutual respect, family meetings and natural and logical consequences.

I changed and our family atmosphere changed.

Disciplining – teaching – our three children became less stressful and easier when I had a positive parenting plan. After a year, using the new strategies gave me the courage to have a fourth child. I’m not advocating for bigger families, just harmonious families.

My husband Bob and I laid a foundation during the first twelve years that made the next thirteen years of raising teenagers tolerable, even enjoyable. I encourage you to use the first decade to form a strong positive connection with your children by using this guide, which is written for parents of tots-to-teens.