Читать книгу Raising Able - Susan Tordella - Страница 14

A key aspect of a positive parenting plan is to say what you mean and mean what you say. Actions speak louder than words. Dr. Sam Goldstein coined the phrase, Act, Don’t Yak. This concept can change how your children relate to you.

Give one firm warning in a friendly voice, and then take action, immediately and without rancor. No exceptions.Children don’t reach the age of reason until age 7, so don’t waste your breath reasoning with little ones.Give up counting to three, bribery, threats, cajoling, multiple warnings, and reasoning. Instead, be quiet and move.

Taking action:

•eliminates “mother deafness,” when parents have trained children to ignore counting to three, bribery, threats, cajoling, warnings, and reasoning;

•eliminates parental anger that comes from feeling out-of-control;

•allows children to feel safe because they learn to develop self-control from their parents’ action;

•establishes a safe, positive and respectful family dynamic; and

•requires parents to choose their battles, and to control their emotions.

With a plan in place, parents can learn to manage their emotions and lower their blood pressure They can enjoy, not endure their children. Parents will develop patience because they have a plan and have learned to wait for children to practice making their own decisions, which prepares them for independence.

The practice of minimizing words and maximizing action applies to tots-to-teens. You will create a more harmonious family atmosphere by issuing firm and friendly boundaries and following through without anger.

It demonstrates personal power to your children. They understand you mean business and you are in charge. They may try to be in charge, but deep down, they know they are not capable. It is overwhelming for a child to have too much power, and eviscerating for children to have too little power.