Читать книгу Pink Ribbon Stories: A Celebration of Life - Tammy Miller - Страница 14

There I was, standing in front of a whole group of women, their faces smiling at me and there was pink everywhere. I was telling my story at the State conference of the PA Breast Cancer Coalition. That is something I could have never imagined…

Imagine holding a “secret” inside of you for over 31 years. Imagine that “secret” is something that almost everyone talks about these days, but you were forbidden to even breathe the words. For me, that “secret” was that I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

It was a very different time in 1975. I worked for the local school district as a cook from 1965 until 1993. When I was diagnosed in 1975 with breast cancer, I did not dare breathe a word to anyone that I had breast cancer. At that time, many people thought it was highly contagious and was even compared to people with AIDS. People thought that you could “spread” cancer by touching someone. If I had told anyone, it would have certainly meant the end to my job, and as a single mother of three beautiful children, I could not risk being unemployed. In fact, the word cancer was rarely spoken, but it was referred to as the “Big C”.

Fortunately, if you can say that, I had problems with my back, so when I had to be off for cancer surgery and recovery, I just told people it was because of my back problems. I didn’t really get sick, my recovery was fairly good, and that was a good thing. My doctor was the only one who knew what was really happening.

I found the lump while I was doing an exam in the shower. It was a tiny, tiny little thing, about the size of a pin head. When I had it checked, they tried to aspirate it but they couldn’t get anything. The doctor tried again, and when he gave me the results, he didn’t even sit down. He came into the room and just said, Christine, it is cancer”, and he walked out of the room! I was in a complete daze and didn’t know which way to turn or what to do.

As fate would have it, I had JUST read a story about a doctor, Dr. Carl Mansfield, who was the first black man to head up the Radiology Dept. at Thomas Jefferson Hospital. I didn’t know what I was thinking, but I walked right over to that hospital to the Radiology department and asked if I could see him! The nurse went to get him and he came out to see me! Imagine that! Dr. Mansfield said he wasn’t able to help me, but he would get a doctor who could help. That doctor turned me over to another doctor, a female doctor, and I was finally with a doctor who cared about me as a patient – the whole me, not just the cancer.

Although I didn’t say a word to anyone, I started talking to a lot of women that I knew who had breast cancer. ALL, yes every one of them told me that they lost their breast, or both breasts during their surgery, and they didn’t know until they woke up in the recovery room. My doctor was a female and just out of medical school a couple of years. When I mentioned this to her, she said that she didn’t do it this way. She believed at the time that a lot of doctors just didn’t care about the after affects of a breast removal – they just did it. The word I remember her using was “radical”. She said there was a new procedure that she used and IF they had to take my breast, she would wake me up before she did it. As it turned out, the cancer was small, stage 1, and I was able to keep my breast.

I was off work for just a couple of weeks. After the surgery, I went to the library and read everything I could find about chemotherapy and radiation. At that time there was very little that a person could find that was in language that a regular person could understand. Certainly nothing like what is available to people today.

I attended every seminar I could find where they were talking about cancer and it seemed like the idea of your health and your diet came out in a lot of them. My doctor told me once that we are all born with cells that could lead to cancer, it was just the choice of cells which way they went and whether they became cancer.

I was always interested in alternative medicines so I went to a little store on Green Street in Philadelphia, PA, called Penn Herbs and met with Lonzo. Penn Herbs is still there in Philadelphia!! He talked to me at great length and made up a variety of herbs, drops, teas, and pills for me to take. He told me to go to the doctor and listen to everything they told me, then tell him and he would duplicate what I needed.

You can believe what you like, but for me, I know without a doubt that I was healed because I believe in two things – prayer and Jesus!

During the recovery time, I think I felt “lost” because I couldn’t talk to anyone about anything that was going on. I certainly had the Lord, or maybe I should say He had me. The whole process was a very frightening experience because I didn’t have anyone to help me through or really be able to discuss it with anyone except my doctor. Someone asked me once if I felt I had any special treatment with my cancer. I told them “no” because no one knew anything about it! I was always on guard for fear that someone would find out. I had a neighbor across the street who helped me from time to time with groceries, but she had done that before the cancer so it was no different.

I would love to say that was the end of breast cancer in my life, but the Lord had other plans. In 2004, my beautiful daughter Pauline, at age 52, came home and told me she was diagnosed with breast cancer. As she was filling out the papers for her treatment, she made a statement that it was interesting that there was no family history. It was as if the dam broke and I told her, for the very first time, that I had breast cancer 31 years before!

I have been asked many times why I never said anything before that time to anyone. I can’t honestly say whether it was shame or it was just forgotten or maybe I still had a little fear of what might happen. I still didn’t tell her all the details of what I went through, but just that I had cancer. Again, I don’t know why but I think it was hidden so deep inside all of those years, I just couldn’t. Whatever the reason, Pauline and my family were hearing it for the first time.

Pauline’s cancer was found during a mammogram. She knew very early that it was cancer and was given a lot of information regarding her options. What a difference from my diagnosis! I vividly remember feeling like I was numb and in a daze and asked Pauline if she was okay. She said she was fine and felt like she was very informed.

Pauline’s story has a different outcome than mine. She did the chemo and radiation. During one of the visits to have her port changed, something happened, which to this day NO ONE has been able to figure out, but Pauline contracted some type of bacteria. She was in the hospital for three days, and then went into a coma for six weeks. It settled in her back and she is now confined to a wheelchair. Everyone, I mean everyone tried to check everything and there just isn’t any explanation for what happened, but I am thankful I still have my daughter and I was glad I was there to help care for her while she was in the hospital. I knew what she needed and I was able to be there for her, to be her voice.

Through all the challenges, God has blessed us abundantly! I have three wonderful children, five grandchildren and six great-grandchildren and life is very full! Many members of my family have been educated and serve in positions where they help other people. I am very proud of all of them!

Tammy asked me to talk about what I had learned through all of this and what I tell people today. I have a few things I would like to share with you that may or may not be helpful.

First, we need to PRAY and talk to God the same way we talk to our very best friend. He knows all about us, no matter what. Sometimes we need to wait and sometimes the answer is no, but we must always pray and talk to Him.

Second, do not ever give up! There is always hope and we must never give up hope! I am a 36 year survivor and I never gave up hope.

Third, you have to trust your gut. Your gut can help you in a lot of ways, not just trusting. Our diet and health, what we put in our gut is very important. We need to eat healthy to keep our system regular and keep our gut clean and working. I firmly believe in green tea and yogurt as two ways to keep us healthy. We need to eat more grains and fiber, especially whole grains and the darker the breads the healthier. Put good things in your body. I believe that if I had eaten better throughout my life I would not be dealing with high blood pressure and diabetes, and who knows, maybe I wouldn’t be writing this story as a breast cancer survivor.

Fourth, we MUST take a hand in our own health, not just being informed while we are making decisions and going through things, but also afterwards to make sure we are doing everything we can to maintain our health. We have to get second opinions, and learn everything we can about our options. If you don’t like your doctor, especially, if she/he doesn’t treat you as a whole person, not just the ailment or disease, then get another doctor – your doctor has to be good for you! For example, with cancer chemo may be an option, but it may not be the only option. Be vigilant. Do regular breast exams. Get plenty of rest.

Fifth, along with your doctor you have to choose a hospital that has love and YOU in mind! You can’t treat cancer separate from the whole person. They have to love you and be there for you!

If you need help, then ASK for it. I couldn’t go to any support groups because I was so afraid that someone would find out. Pauline went to support groups and they even asked her to bring her family along because they were part of the recovery. I never had anything like that. There are a lot of people out there to help – ask for it and seek out what YOU need.

Not too long ago I had another scare. The doctors thought they found something again and I went through more tests. There was definitely something that they both found, but when they went back, they couldn’t find anything on the films. I told them they can call it whatever they like, but I call it Jesus! When Jesus heals you, it’s a promise. What He does, lasts, and there is power in His healing!

Imagine! For so many, many years I was unable to open my mouth about my life and what was going on, and now, with Him glory and blessing, I am using my voice to try and help others! Amazing grace, indeed!

Christine Allen

As written by Tammy Miller

Christine Allen lives in Philadelphia and is a 73 year young mother of three; grandmother of five; and great-grandmother of six beautiful children. She works with the Wellness Community, which just merged with the Gilda Radner Foundation, to help other people facing the challenges of cancer. She was awarded the “Champion of Inspiration” award from the Susan G. Komen Foundation, and is deeply involved in volunteering efforts, most recently with the hospice program at the University of Pennsylvania. She works with the Community Health Center #5 of the Philadelphia Department of Health and serves as a Board member and volunteer. Author’s note: And, she was an inspiration for this book!