Читать книгу Pink Ribbon Stories: A Celebration of Life - Tammy Miller - Страница 9

I do not think anyone is completely prepared for how they will react when their friend tells them they were just diagnosed with cancer. That happened to me on a day in September, 2001 when my good friend Tammy (author of this book) came back from an appointment and told me she had cancer. I was scared and wasn’t sure if I knew how to support or help someone diagnosed with this disease.

Before I had much time to think about it, Tammy made me “pinky swear” that I would promise not to let her get depressed about it and would always stay positive. If you’re not familiar with the age old tradition of “pinky swear”, it comes from childhood game of locking pinky fingers and making a promise to each other about something really important. In childhood though, it was more along the lines of we wouldn’t tell our parents that we kissed a boy behind a tree in second grade. But, this one was a whole lot more important than that and I wasn’t sure if I was ready. I swore I would, but deep down I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to keep my promise.

When dealing with Tammy it wasn’t hard to keep my promise as she was more positive than anyone around her. It was easy for me to stay positive when wearing a clown nose and being in a kazoo band, or helping to organize a nipple send-off party. When around Tammy, everyone’s spirits were always high. I was amazed, because here’s Tammy the one going through all this and she was the real laughter leader. There were times that I was worried because I thought she was hiding her true feelings and eventually would crash…and crash hard.

I only saw a small glimmer of that once, Tammy called and said she was feeling a little down. It was after one of her surgeries and she was to stay in bed and rest, the weather was a little gloomy. Anyone who knows Tammy knows that she is always on the go and loves the sunshine. So bed-ridden and gloomy are not in her vocabulary. I showed up at her house with a ray of sunshine. It was a paper mache sun which was actually a piñata. I figured she could pretend the sun was out or take out her frustrations and beat it with a stick. That day was the first time I saw concern in Tammy’s face. The topic that was bothering her was what she could eat. She was always a healthy eater and felt she took good care of her body and couldn’t understand why something like this would happen to her. Since her cancer was estrogen receptor positive, and some foods create estrogen naturally, she was reading that she should stay away from certain foods that she considered healthy and was afraid to put anything in her mouth. In retrospect, we both think it had more to do with the hormonal changes in her body from her surgeries, as she broke down in tears, but at the time she was upset about what she should be doing. And, I wasn’t sure what I should be doing either! This was the first time that I really questioned whether I was doing enough to support her. I guess because there weren’t any clown noses, kazoos or boas. It was just me and a friend talking about feelings…real feelings. I was there with an ear and a shoulder to cry on and we made it through with smiles on our faces. But, it was after that day that I really questioned whether I was doing enough.

Fortunately, this incident was one of the very few times I witnessed Tammy without a smile on her face or doing some crazy antic, and I have since found out that there were a few grey times for Tammy during this journey but she never let them get her down. She made my pinky swear promise so easy to keep because she never let the grey times get the best of her. It wasn’t me keeping her up and positive it was her keeping me up. I just had to be a good friend. There to listen, there to cry with, there to laugh with and someone always willing to go along with her crazy ideas.

Tammy asked me what I would tell someone who just had a good friend diagnosed with cancer, or any type of serious illness. It is vitally important to just “be there” for someone, and sometimes that is to stand back for a little bit to see how a person is going to respond and what THEY need. Everyone deals with these situations differently, and by making yourself available to help with the smallest of tasks to the biggest, just being there to let them know you are there.

Tammy has a tendency to try and deal with all situations with humor. I know this isn’t always the way people approach it, but I have found through reading the stories she has collected here, and the interviews she has done with people that it is important to view things with a positive attitude. Her platform when she speaks is that we can’t always change what happens to us in life, but we can control how we respond. By going through this experience with her, I was able to see first-hand how the humor and positive attitude not only helped her, but helped those of us closest to her to help her get through an otherwise difficult and challenging time.

Being there for each other is one of the most important responsibilities of a friend and that can mean different things for different people, but just BE THERE. Oh, and don’t be stingy with hugs, either!

Tammy has taught me that no matter what life throws at you, attack it with a positive attitude. It has been 10 years and I still feel like I haven’t done enough and that she has helped me more than I have helped her. But, I will always be there to listen, to cry and to laugh with my best friend!

Mary lives in Bellefonte, PA and is the proud grandmother of sweet Isaiah, Hannah and Sophia. In her spare time, she enjoys spending time with her family, Kevin, Vanessa, Katie and Jeff. She is especially proud of her son, Kevin, as he serves in the United States Army. She also loves to have fun with her friends, which sometimes includes getting into trouble with her friend, Tammy, and is counting the days to retirement!

A Sprinkle of FUN from the Author…

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, “Dang, that was fun”.

--Unknown