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Don’t be afraid or feel embarrassed to use the 3Rs in front of, and with, your child’s friends. If, for instance, Tom is having a game of football in the garden with his mates and you have asked him and the rest of the group to play away from the flowerbeds, and they don’t, deal with it by addressing the whole group. Request – ‘Please play with the ball at the end of the garden, away from the patio and flowers. Good boys.’ If they persist, then Repeat your Request. If they continue, Reaffirm with the sanction – ‘Boys, I’m sorry, but if you can’t play with the ball at the end of the garden, you’ll have to put it away and find something else to do.’ Your child might scowl or throw you a disapproving look, but he and his friends will respect you for your authority. The alternative is that you compromise your rules whenever Tom has friends in to play, feeling uncomfortable about disciplining the whole group, which will result in your authority taking a beating every time Tom has friends in, until eventually you have to stop him having his friends in at all.

Likewise, if Claire makes a beeline for your make-up when she has a friend to play (as one of my daughters used to), with the result that your one lipstick becomes a congealed lump on the bathroom mirror, then Request, Repeat and Reaffirm as above to both Claire and her friend. Children of this age are very sociable and will want to bring friends home to play often, but they can also use their audience as a chance to take liberties, believing you will not correct or discipline them in front of their friends. Prove them wrong once and it will be far easier the next time. Not only will Tom or Claire remember that the rules and respect still apply when they have friends in, but their friends will have noted what is acceptable in your house, where you are rightfully in charge. If friends know the expected standard of behaviour, they will soon feel relaxed and at home, confident in the knowledge that they know how to behave correctly when they visit.