Читать книгу Editing Emma: Online you can choose who you want to be. If only real life were so easy... - Chloe Seager, Chloe Seager - Страница 13
Оглавлениеposted by EditingEmma 12.22
Back to the drawing screen. I’m discovering people I never even knew existed… who are apparently in our year at school… (Who is Umar Khan? Or Brian Fielding?) And there are lots of people I’ve seen around but never had ANY interaction with.
. . . Am I hugely anti-social?
Let’s not dwell too much on that.
posted by EditingEmma 15.59
I have found a couple of possibilities… Laurence Myer and David Hudson. An elusive pair of technology nerds. You don’t see them often, but when you do it’s usually together and it’s ALWAYS on a computer. I overheard a conversation between them once and it was about the relative differences between android and iOS operating systems. No idea what that actually means, but I sense that they’re the kind of guys who will grow up to make millions inventing something to do with algorithms that no one else understands.
Adding them both. I’m actually kind of nervous. What if they don’t accept?
posted by EditingEmma 16.04
I needn’t have worried. Four minutes ago, Laurence Myer accepted my request, and three minutes ago, David Hudson accepted.
Evidence: Technology nerds get back to you quickly. Probably because they are always attached to their phones and/or their laptops.
I couldn’t choose between them, so I’m going with Laurence Myer because he accepted first. As solid a reason as any. After going through his pictures for a while, I am astounded by the fact that I’ve never really noticed Laurence. He is, actually, quite attractive. My love for Leon has made me blind to everyone else around me. I save the most normal-looking picture of Laurence I can find for my case study, cropping out everyone else around him and enlarging his head.
posted by EditingEmma 21.00
I was feeling really pleased with myself until I spoke to Steph:
‘Steph, I’ve done it. I’ve set off on an important journey.’
‘Where are you going?’
‘To a new beginning.’
‘You’re beginning a journey towards a new beginning?’
‘Yes.’
‘So you spoke to Laurence Myer?’
‘Oh, no. I added him though. We’ve achieved virtual friendship.’
‘Woah! Slow down, Emma!!’
‘Oh. Really?’
‘NO. Talk to him!!!’
‘. . . I feel like that might be a step too far, for tonight.’
‘Yes, you’re right, you might end up achieving virtual pregnancy.’
‘. . . Fine.’
Maybe he won’t be online.
Of course he’s online. OK, here goes… I’m going in for the kill.
posted by EditingEmma 21.46
Our conversation, which I have recorded (with commentary):
Emma: hey Laurence: hi
Emma: how are you?
Laurence: im good
There is a long pause.
Laurence: you?
Emma: im good thank you, what are you up to?
Laurence: just listening to some music
Emma: what you listening to?
Laurence: nickelback
Emma: ah cool, I haven’t listened to them in ages…
Because the only reason I’ve ever listened to them is that my dad used to play them, and my ears would bleed liquid mediocrity. How old is this boy, sixteen or fifty-six?
Laurence: do you have any of their stuff? I would download it but I have no money and I’m morally opposed to piracy and I hate the adverts on Spotify
That was way too much information. I suppose some of Dad’s beige songs might still be cluttering up this ancient laptop.
Emma: probably somewhere
Laurence: could you send me anything?
Emma: ermmm, hang on…
I’m in the middle of feeling a bit judgemental and superior, when something awful happens… Just as I’m about to send him a song Mum screams something about a missing eye-shadow, which I know is at the bottom of my handbag. I turn from the screen and call back that I have no idea where it is. I turn back and click ‘paste’ but instead of pasting ‘How You Remind Me’ into the conversation, I end up pasting the last thing I copied.
The enlarged picture of his head.
I sit for a second in utter disbelief.
‘No. No. No. No. No. No. NO NO NO!!! Cancel! CANCEL!!!’
Laurence: whats that?
Emma: that… that is a picture of you
Laurence: ok
Think of an excuse!! Think of an excuse!! Oh God… there IS no excuse! What excuse could I POSSIBLY have?!
Emma: I was just zooming in to see your teeth, I noticed before you have very nice teeth
There is a long pause.
In fact, that’s sort of why I added you, I was wondering if I could have the name of your dentist
Laurence: er, I don’t know her name
Emma: oh well. Ok
Laurence: ok
Oh my God, just STOP TALKING.
Emma: got to dash Got to dash?
Laurence: ok. Bye
Emma: byeeeee ☺
Yes, the smiley face at the end makes everything better. Much less scary.
Well, after that I may have ruled out Laurence Myer as a potential case study. URGH. Now I feel worse than I did before. Just when I thought my self-confidence couldn’t sink any lower, I fail to get a date with a Nickelback fan.
posted by EditingEmma 22.04
Oh God. If I can’t even speak normally online, what hope do I have in real life?! All physical awkwardness (like how long you’re supposed to make eye contact without coming off as a psychopath) has been removed AND you get as much time as you need to think of a witty response. Even if you wait like ten minutes or something you can just pretend you were ‘getting a cup of tea’ and not frantically trying to sound clever. And it’s not even like I was that anxious. That idiotic interaction is me at my most relaxed and most likely to come off as a real person.
No wonder Leon isn’t speaking to me. I wouldn’t speak to me either.
Going to bed. At ten. What is my life?
posted by EditingEmma 22.38
I can’t even sleep. Mum is snoring in the next room. Usually, I would make a loud noise to wake her up then pretend it was her ‘night terrors’ but I can’t be bothered. I don’t even have the energy to cry any more. I’m exhausted, all the time. I never stop thinking about Leon. He never stops being there. One time I made myself stop thinking about him for a week or so. That was exhausting in itself. And then I fell asleep from the exertion and just dreamed about him all night anyway.
