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Friday, 5 September i.e. Day 48 of Despair

posted by MissH 12.46

Ghosting – Is This An Actual Thing?

Got an email from Gracie. It said, ‘I know you don’t want to talk but this might help xx’ and then she linked me to some article about something called ‘ghosting’.

The Urban Dictionary definition of ‘Ghosting’, just in case you were wondering:

The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just ‘get the hint’ and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested.

Was this supposed to make me feel better?!?!

posted by MissH 18.28

Spent the last five hours reading horror stories about ghosting. One woman was dating a man for eighteen months, had met his parents and agreed to move in, and one day he was just… gone. She went round to his flat and he’d moved out. She eventually got in touch with his old flatmate and apparently he was living in Scotland with another girl. Even more bizarre, one woman had been married (yes, MARRIED) to a man for twelve years (TWELVE YEARS) and one day they went to the local swimming pool. One moment he was there, doing his lengths nearby, and the next he was gone. Just like that. Did he get up and go in his trunks?? It’s two years later and she’s still technically married to him.

Aghh, I must stop this! YET ANOTHER DAY HAS BEEN WASTED FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. I need to focus on something else, anything else!! THE TIME HAS COME. Something good has to come out of this pathetic, miserable summer!! I will forget about Leon and his complete, utter rejection of me that makes me want to do nothing but lie in darkness watching serial killer documentaries on Netflix. I WILL NOT BE LEFT LOST AND CONFUSED IN A SWIMMING POOL.

I deserve so much more than a ‘ghosting’, and so does every other human being on the planet! I always knew it, in a sort of vague way like how you know you should floss, but now I’m really starting to feel it. Ugh. What a JERK. He had me feeling bad about not baking. I HATE BAKING. AND THAT IS FINE. It’s not like he’s so perfect, either… Let’s take a moment to examine Leon’s CONS, why don’t we!!

posted by MissH 18.57

Reasons Why Leon Naylor Is NOT Worth Any Girl’s Time or Virginity

1)	He ends relationships by pretending girls no longer exist. Do I need to go on? No, but I will anyway because there’s more.
2)	He eats far too many Chewits. There are other foods, you know.
3)	He finds fart humour way too funny. Sometimes it is, but there’s a time and a place.
4)	Relating to my last point, he is completely juvenile.
5)	He’s actually kind of stupid. He’s always getting me to help with his Maths, Physics & Chemistry (he really struggles with anything vaguely numerical). He pretends like he doesn’t care but he tries SO HARD in everything and usually gets bad marks anyway. He once confided in me that he felt like his parents loved his brother more, because he was the smart one and applying to medical schools. I told him it wasn’t true, but it probably is.

Oh, and his brother is better looking than him, too.

I hate him.

posted by MissH 23.48

I’m going to bed consumed with rage. I’m shaking a little bit and my teeth are chattering, I’m so angry. At least, I am for about five minutes and then I feel sad again. And then angry. And then sad. It feels good to finally be angry, I think, but it also feels like my body is too small for everything that’s going on inside me. It’s like a cage. How can everything that I’m feeling be contained in me, in this little room, in this little house? And everyone else’s feelings inside them, in their little rooms, in their little houses? All trapped inside ourselves sitting alongside each other in this big mess? Why hasn’t the world imploded?

I think anger must mean I’m feeling a bit better, anyway.