Читать книгу Editing Emma: Online you can choose who you want to be. If only real life were so easy... - Chloe Seager, Chloe Seager - Страница 14
Оглавлениеposted by EditingEmma 18.52
Today I got to work on resolution 1B (stop isolating myself) and walked round to Faith’s. I was quite afraid of leaving the house and lingered in the corridor for twelve minutes until Mum pushed me outside and locked the door. I’d forgotten what our street looked like. My irises felt quite assaulted by the amount of natural brightness, and I was feeling exceptionally beaten down by the time I rang the doorbell.
Faith’s mum answered, dressed in an apron that said, ‘My Husband Wears The Pants. I Just Tell Him Which Ones To Wear’. I couldn’t help but think that my mum would have doused it in petrol and thrown it, with its frills and questionable presentation of gender roles, on a bonfire.
‘Hi, Emma,’ she said, tentatively, as if I might start crying at any moment. (Did she see the status, too?)
‘Hi, Lillian.’
‘Faith’s upstairs, painting.’ She smiled.
When I came into her room, Faith’s blonde curls were covered in flecks of purple and red. She was wearing a long, blue shirt, also caked in paint, and she was, very earnestly, decorating her wall with a giant flower.
‘Hello, Georgia O’Keeffe,’ I said.
For a moment she said nothing, and then, ‘Thank you, Emma.’
‘Thank you for what?’
‘Georgia O’Keeffe painted flowers – though only about 10 per cent of her work was actually flowers, you know – and was plagued by accusations that they were vaginas. She insisted time and time again that they weren’t. I try to paint an expression of my sexuality; a giant, purple and red flower-vagina, in the middle of my wall, and my mother comes in and says, “What a pretty flower, Faith.”’
It looks like I’m not the only one who’s been too isolated this summer.
‘I’m not sure “pretty” is the word I’d use. It’s a bit of a monster,’ I remarked.
She put down her brush, then, and looked at me. I looked at her. We both looked at the flower and burst out laughing.
Reasons That Faith is One of the Best Humans I Know
| 1) | She hardly ever moans, and keeps her bad moods to herself, usually channelling them into something creative. I have no idea how. Imagine having a feeling and not examining it over and over until you’ve turned it completely inside out and bored your friends stiff with it. |
| 2) | Despite her parents not accepting her being gay (granted, she hasn’t definitively told them yet), she is one of the most accepting people I’ve ever met. |
| 3) | She has a strong moral compass. (Something I’m still developing. But as my teacher in Year 1 told me when I was trying and failing to tie my shoelaces, we all develop at different rates and that’s OK.) |
| 4) | She’s a peacekeeper. There have been many times when I’ve wanted to throttle Gracie, or Gracie’s wanted to throttle me, and the only reason we’re both still alive is Faith’s soothing, balmy presence. |
| 5) | She gives really good advice, which is probably a result of reasons 1–4. I hardly ever listen to it, but it’s reassuring to know it’s there. |
I spent the entire afternoon lying on Faith’s bed looking at Elle and Marie Claire galleries on her computer whilst she painted. I told her about my plan and she said, ‘Are you sure you’re ready to date? You’ve cried three times since you got here.’
See. Solid advice, reliably ignored.
posted by EditingEmma 20.01
A Further Reminder of My Sadness
Mum came in and threw my mail at me.
‘It’s time to open it. I’ve had enough of you cluttering up my house.’
‘You shouldn’t have had a child, then,’ I muttered as she walked away.
It was my new A level timetable, which I’ve been avoiding since it arrived three weeks ago. I’m taking Art & Design, English, French, Maths, Biology. Yes, that is five instead of four, and no, I’m not one of those super-intelligent and slightly unbalanced students who really enjoy learning and go to after-school clubs.
CONFESSION: I only really took Biology because Leon was taking it.
WHO AM I?????
Even writing it down makes me feel dirty. I rationalised that otherwise we wouldn’t have had any of the same subjects (he’s taking History, Politics, German and Biology). I didn’t want to give up anything I wanted to do, so I just… took an extra one.
Mum was all,
‘Are you sure that’s not too many, Emma?’
‘Are you sure you actually want to take Biology, Emma?’
‘Since when did you like touching dead animals, Emma?’ And I was all,
‘It’s not too many, Mum.’
‘I can handle it, Mum.’
‘Of course I want to take Biology. Why else would I be doing it, Mum?’
EVIDENCE: Heed my warning. DO NOT make life decisions that will actually affect your future based around someone you like. Even if you think you may ‘love’ them. It is not worth it. You will end up like me. I am doing a whole extra AS level because I am an idiot.
posted by EditingEmma 22.25
I was just contemplating which series to start from the beginning yet again, when…
Laurence: hi
.…What’s this?!
Emma: hey
Has he hit his head? Does he not remember that I am a strange stalker?
Emma: you ok?
Laurence: yeah you?
Emma: I’m good thanks
Laurence: I got the name of my dentist off my mum…;)
Is he being nice about yesterday?
Emma: haha… thanks
Laurence: now you can have teeth as nice as mine
Emma: I’m not sure they’ll ever measure up
Laurence: haha. Do you want it?
Or does he really think I want his dentist’s number?
Emma: er sure ta
Laurence: you’ll have to get it off me in person Oh. I see.
Emma: I see
Laurence: do you want to go to the cinema tomorrow?
Emma: sure
Laurence: ok, meet me there at 7, I’ll get the tickets
Emma: cool see you then
Laurence: see you tomorrow
And the investigations are back on track!! Interesting. Very interesting. I’m quite taken aback.
Evidence: Technology nerds don’t scare easily.
So, I have a date tomorrow… I hope he doesn’t mind that I’m in love with someone else. Or that he’s a case study. Going to sleep now. I feel marginally better about life. (Marginally.)
