Читать книгу Editing Emma: Online you can choose who you want to be. If only real life were so easy... - Chloe Seager, Chloe Seager - Страница 15
Оглавлениеposted by EditingEmma 10.10
Up bright and early. I’m not really nervous. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Before seeing Leon, I used to shake like a leaf and feel sick. Even though I saw him a lot.
I miss him.
I wonder how often he sees Anna? I mean Apple?
posted by EditingEmma 11.37
I was looking through pictures of Leon on my phone when I realised something that I’ve never noticed before… he has quite a small head. And I have quite a large one. What was I thinking?? Trying to make a relationship work with someone who has such a smaller head than me??? I pointed this out to Mum.
She replied, ‘Yes, that’s probably why it didn’t work out. He was afraid of your big, beefy skull.’
Must snap out of this. Focus on tonight. I’m Louis Theroux, I’m Louis Theroux.
posted by EditingEmma 18.07
I can’t seem to motivate myself to put on make-up. Sometimes I feel like there’s nothing fun about it any more, it’s just some cruel necessity… and I’m only sixteen. What am I going to feel like when I’m twenty-six? Thirty-six?
Mum came in and stared at me staring at the mirror.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Feeling resentful that half the population don’t feel pressured to waste time and energy painting their faces every day.’
‘You could stop doing it.’
‘Then I’d feel bad about myself because I’d look worse than everyone else. It will only work if every single woman on the planet puts down their eyeliner and says, “no, this is what I look like, and this is how I am.”’
‘Someone’s got to start the revolution.’
‘Will you join me?’
‘No.’
posted by EditingEmma 18.41
I suppose, if there is one small consolation to the injustice of dreary, habitual make-up, it’s that I can cover up my stye. OK… I’m off on my ‘date’ now. Maybe it will actually be magical and we’ll have lots of sex and terrifying babies that look like Chad Kroeger.
posted by EditingEmma 22:14
My ‘Date’: A Play By Play
Magical is definitely not the word I would use to describe tonight.
7 PM: I arrive at the cinema and Laurence is already waiting there, swaying awkwardly from side to side with his hands in his pockets. He’s wearing baggy jeans and a baggy t-shirt with some sort of cartoon dog on it. It’s a look, I guess. I walk over to him.
‘Hi!’ I say.
‘Hi.’
Silence.
‘So, you got the tickets OK?’
He nods.
‘How much do I owe you?’
He shakes his head.
‘Oh, well, I’ll buy you some popcorn or something.’
He shrugs.
7.20 PM: We are probably in the seats by now. Conversation has been minimal so far. Minimal to the point of… well, nonexistent. I tried a few topics and got mainly head twitches and grunts in response.
7.30 PM: Just before the movie starts.
‘Do you want a Minstrel?’ Laurence asks.
Yes!! We have conversation lift off! I think.
8.30 PM: No, we didn’t. I’m ashamed to think of my enthusiastic hour-ago self.
I always thought cinema dates were just a bit of an excuse to sit in the dark and giggle at things. It seems Laurence actually really wants to see the movie.
9.20 PM: The film is over. We stand awkwardly at the doors of the cinema. So far the sum total of Laurence’s conversation is still, ‘Do you want a Minstrel?’
‘So, you enjoyed the film then?’ I ask.
He nods.
‘OK, well, bye, then…’
‘Oh, bye.’
I give him an awkward hug. And then he walks away. Seriously?! Is that… it?! Can that count as a date? Or even as an interaction? I say more to the cashier at Tesco when I’m buying some gum.
Evidence: Technology nerds are more charming over the internet.
posted by EditingEmma 22.28
I just got a message from Laurence: ‘Lol that film wasn’t as good as I thought it was gonna be. Disappointed. Did you enjoy it?x’
Evidence: And over their phones.
What? Just… what?! I can’t even be bothered to reply. That whole evening was such a flop. Why does anyone bother stepping outside the front door? The odds that you’ll have a better time doing anything on the outside than you will sitting watching TV seem pretty slim to me.
posted by EditingEmma 23.09
Until now I’d somehow successfully blocked that it was the night-before-the-first-day-of-sixth-form from my mind. It must have been all that scintillating conversation. Just think, before all this I was actually looking forward to starting sixth form. PAH.
Emma Nash @Em_Nasher Whyyyyyyyyyyyy
posted by EditingEmma 23.50
Imagining What Will Happen When Leon Sees Me Tomorrow
I’m listening to very intense music to set the scene. I walk into school, in my new black skater skirt and fitted shirt (that I bought from & Other Stories), finally liberated from the lumpy school jumper I’ve been stuck wearing for five years. My stye is barely noticeable. Our eyes catch… We keep making eye contact and he can’t pretend to focus on the conversation he’s having any longer. He strides over to me and puts his hand behind my neck and his other hand on my face and just kisses me…
And everyone is watching.
