Читать книгу Dealing with Difficult People - David Brown, David Brown - Страница 15

You are an important part of any situation involving difficult people, so you need to understand yourself and your reaction to difficult situations. Armed with self-knowledge, you can avoid the mistake of putting people in pigeon holes and, instead, treat each situation individually.

Let’s explore why you react as you do. What might cause you to lose control of your emotions? It might happen when:

• You feel that your fundamental beliefs or values are threatened.

• You sense you are being treated unfairly.

• Someone lets you or your team down.

• You are overloaded.

• Your intentions are misunderstood or misinterpreted.

• You make an embarrassing mistake.

• Others lose their temper.

• You are cornered, with no choice or options.

• Your ambitions or goals are threatened.

• You are irritated by a personal emotional trigger.

“Emotional strength comes from self discovery and self mastery”

Bossidy and Charan, authors of Execution

The secret is to develop your skill at handling yourself before you engage with others, as it’s important to respond in a calm way rather than adding to the emotional cocktail of a difficult situation. If you don’t, you are likely to be the ‘difficult one’.

• Know yourself. Be aware of how you react and what causes you to lose control of your emotions. Are you confused, embarrassed, frightened, disgusted, angry or sad? You need to ask yourself about what you feel and why you feel as you do before you can handle difficult people.

• Listen to others. Listening to others and acknowledging how they feel will defuse the emotions that make life difficult, and give you time to understand yourself and them. Accept that listening takes time.

• Stay calm. Develop relaxation techniques. Take a few deep breaths.

• React to what’s around you. You need to take note of the system in which you operate. Allow for company procedures, the law and the interests of others in the company. This requires objectivity, detachment and structure.

• Respond to the person. It is important to attend to the needs and feelings of others. This requires that you understand the truth as perceived by them. We’ll look at this more thoroughly in Chapter 3.

Know yourself if you are to work successfully with others.