Читать книгу Dealing with Difficult People - David Brown, David Brown - Страница 9

One-way communication is a closed system. It is limiting and leads to frustration. This Secret explains how to ensure that communication is two-way, constructive and likely to promote good relationships.

When I was struggling to understand why someone failed to respond to one of my memos, one of my colleagues said, “David, it’s no good you being pleased with your communication. Your message is only okay if it produces the results that you require.” He went on to explain that the recipient’s perception of the message is every bit as important as your message. It has to be a two-way thing. Here are a few suggestions that will help you to be on the same wavelength as someone with whom you are working.

case study Here’s a lesson I learnt about always making sure that your language is correctly understood by all concerned. As a young man I went on a course where we played management games. One involved creating patterns from dominoes. We

• Accept that their perception is reality to them. The challenge is to understand them and their situation well enough to find common ground. This means taking time to understand the belief systems and values that others hold.

• Know yourself. You need to be clear about your own beliefs, and when they might prevent you from taking on board a good idea. There is a constant need to be open-minded to fresh ideas.

• Be aware of other ways of thinking. There are plenty of other filters besides those mentioned in the last Secret; some people talk detail, others look at the big picture; some like choices and some like a rigid system; some people are mainly reactive and others proactive. To increase rapport you should be prepared to enter another person’s world. If you are a strategic thinker, for example, take time to explore detail with those who relish the minutiae.

• Talk their language, paint them a picture. Appreciate that, if someone prefers to visualize rather than verbalize, you’ll need to use language that they might use, such as, “This is what it will look like.”

• Mutual respect. Above all, you need to respect each other before you can hope to work effectively together. You don’t need to like each other, but you do need to establish a basis of mutual respect before difficult transactions.

Keep asking: are you on the same wavelength as others?

debated what to do with a ‘three four’ and a ‘double six’. It took 30 minutes before one of our team asked the question, “What’s a double six?” He was Korean, and none of us had bothered to think about his culture or to check his understanding of our language!