Читать книгу Dealing with Difficult People - David Brown, David Brown - Страница 8

‘Difficult’ might just mean ‘different’. This Secret will help you understand different people, so that you can accept some differences before deciding what is unacceptable and needs changing. So what causes all of us to be different?

• Values. You may value punctuality but have a colleague who considers that any time will do. Many organizations promote key values to engender harmony, but an individualist may struggle to accept them.

• Beliefs. Different political, cultural and religious beliefs can limit our ability to work with others.

• Gender. Although some women are more aggressive than some men, on the whole women are inclined to be more empathetic than men, to value security more and to put greater emphasis on teamwork.

case study Recently I managed a project where one member of the team would say things like, “that could backfire on you” or “that won’t work”. Her glass was ‘half empty’, as it were. Another team member would regularly say, “it’s worth a try”. There was no right or

• Personality. Our personalities are a complex web of background, culture, beliefs, values, genes and more besides. Some combine well and productively, some abrasively yet still productively, while others are unmitigated disasters. We need to accept, though, that mankind thrives because of our differences – we need to use difference, not stifle it.

Before leaving the question of differences, consider NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) filters. We all see the world through different filters, and if you understand this you will be well placed to manage the differences through better communication. Our different filters include:

• Internal/external. If you ask an ‘internal’ person, “How will you know you have succeeded?”, they will say, “I’ll just know”. Whereas the ‘external’ person will say, “I’ll know from the feedback I get”.

• Towards/away from. A ‘towards’ person will take risks. An ‘away’ person will see problems.

• Same/difference. A ‘same’ person will refer to what they’ve always done: “it’s like I did last month”. Whereas the ‘difference’ person will say, “let’s try a new approach”. The latter will need variety; the former may be reluctant to change.

• Problems/solutions. Some people always see the problem, while others focus on the solution.

Welcome the differences around you, and only see them as a problem when they are a barrier to results.

wrong – just healthy differences that were part of a successful project. If you want to get the best from a ‘half empty’ person, you need to match their language and make references to ‘half empty’ things, even if you are inclined to be ‘half full’ yourself.