Читать книгу Self-Healing: The only introduction you’ll ever need - David Lawson - Страница 17

Even the most positive people have areas of thought or belief that do not support their health and well-being. This does not mean that they are actively doing something wrong, just that – like everyone else on the planet – they need to grow beyond some of the ways they have learned to think.

As children, we rapidly absorb information about the world around us. We listen to our parents, our guardians, our brothers and sisters, our teachers and our playmates and pick up a wealth of ideas and information about ourselves, other people and the nature of the world that we live in. Some of this information is healthy, some of it is not.

On the whole, the beliefs that we learn work very well for us. Even if they are negative or limiting they often keep us safe and help us to survive during the more vulnerable periods of our lives. Chiefly we learn the best ways to gain the approval or attention of anyone who is there to look after us. Our patterns of behaviour, our thoughts and our beliefs reflect this.

As we grow up, we naturally review this knowledge, changing many of our ideas and beliefs along the way. This is part of learning and growing; we are listening to information, noticing the behaviour of the people around us, choosing our ideas and adapting to the situations we find ourselves in. The tension comes when we remain unaware of beliefs that are unhealthy for us or when we get a bit stuck in patterns of thought and behaviour that may once have been valid but now no longer reflect our needs, desires and aspirations.

SAM’S STORY

Sam was a man in his mid-thirties who came to me complaining of minor aches and pains. He constantly sought relief for his discomfort but had lost faith in the treatments he had previously attempted. He often did not complete them and his life was a catalogue of failures. He had lived through a series of unfulfilling relationships, dissatisfying jobs and missed opportunities.

We did some guided relaxation work together. I used positive thoughts and soothing visual images to settle Sam into a relaxed state and help him to release some of the tension that was contributing to his aches and pains. As he settled, Sam began to talk about his childhood and I began to hear some of his deeply held negative and limiting beliefs.

When Sam was a small child his parents had separated and Sam’s mother was left to bring up four children on her own. Money was scarce and Sam’s mother was so busy providing for her children that she rarely had the time or energy left over to give them all the attention they needed. Like most children, Sam would ask for toys and sweets, and would do his best to get a little extra attention. His mother would respond by telling him honestly that she did not have the time or did not have the money to give him what he wanted.

When she became over-tired or fed up with the constant demands Sam’s mother would say, ‘Stop asking! You can’t have what you want so there’s no point in continuing to ask. You just can’t have what you want!’ By the age of seven, Sam stopped asking. He became quite withdrawn and started to get minor illnesses, nurturing his little hurts, aches and pains. He did not complain very much because he had learned that there was no point in asking for things; at the same time his withdrawal earned him some approval from his mother, who felt less pressured by her least demanding child. He developed a belief that his needs could not be met.

As Sam grew up he automatically changed some of his beliefs. He found that he could earn money for himself and that there was not always a shortage of resources. However, he still held a basic belief that his needs would never be met and that it was not all right to ask for what he wanted. He also held a belief that there was not enough attention to go around, so he always formed relationships with women who were never quite available when he needed them. He often found himself surrounded by friends and colleagues who were distant and unavailable, too.

The more he relaxed, the more Sam was able to talk about his past and the more he too saw the connections between his childhood experiences, his deeply held beliefs and the patterns that he was living out in his adult life. Sam realized that his aches and pains came from the frustration of his unexpressed needs and the guilt that he felt about having those needs in the first place.

Together we created some positive thoughts for Sam to use regularly so that he could re-train himself to be available for more fulfilling experiences. These positive thoughts included:

• IT IS SAFE AND EASY FOR ME TO HAVE MY NEEDS MET.

• MY LIFE IS RICH AND FULFILLING,

and

• IT IS SAFE FOR ME TO ASK FOR WHAT I WANT.

By talking about his experiences and using positive thoughts to create some new, healthier beliefs, Sam was able to make some wonderful changes. His aches and pains soon dissolved and his life became richer, more satisfying and more nourishing.