Читать книгу Self-Healing: The only introduction you’ll ever need - David Lawson - Страница 21

As children, we also learn compulsive words from the people around us. Whenever we are told that we must do something, that we really ought to do it and that it is something that really should be done, we create compulsive beliefs – particularly when words like must, ought and should are repeated to us often. We copy compulsive beliefs from parent figures who constantly talk about what we, they or other people ought, must or should do.

Compulsive words create and reinforce compulsive beliefs that are often frustrating, draining and inhibiting. They act by motivating us to do things in a way that is pressured and joyless. The result is that we often push ourselves to the limit or more often give up in the attempt to reach some unhealthy measure of success or self-worth. Either way there is a feeling of failure and we come to feel bad about ourselves or to punish ourselves for our lack of success.

Compulsive words limit our choices. We use compulsive beliefs to drive ourselves too hard, push ourselves to do things that we do not want to do and in some cases force ourselves into situations that are unhealthy or damaging for us. They can contribute to desperation, workaholic tendencies, depression, laziness and fatigue.

Here are some examples of compulsive words, concepts or phrases that many of us use:

• Must/Must not

• Ought/Ought not

• Should/Should not

• Have to.

As in:

‘I must try harder to succeed.’

‘I must not stop until I have finished.’

‘I have to do this before I can do the things that I want to do.’

‘I should not cry in front of other people.’

‘I should stick to my diet.’

‘I ought to be feeling better by now.’

‘If I can just do this then everything will be all right.’

Some of the things that we think or talk about compulsively may be healthy for us to do. Perhaps we would benefit from sticking to our diet, but it is the way that we are thinking about it that is unhealthy. Compulsive thinking can inhibit, frustrate or sabotage the success of good, healthy schemes by rendering them joyless and turning them into a chore or a punishment.