Читать книгу Self Esteem: Simple Steps to Build Your Confidence - Gael Lindenfield, Gael Lindenfield - Страница 13

I firmly believe that we all start off in life with the same potential for good self-esteem. How many babies and young toddlers have you met who appear to be thinking negatively about themselves?! Unfortunately, we all know how quickly the picture soon changes. By the time the children are ready for school, the differences between each one’s self-esteem are noticeably marked.

It would appear that the seeds of our self-esteem begin to grow and develop as soon as we begin to experience a sense of ourselves as individuals. Typically it then embarks on a roller-coaster ride, being cultivated and strengthened one day only to be knocked back and diminished the next. The kind of childhood we experience is particularly important, because it is then that our basic personality traits and habits are formed.

Let’s look for a moment at some of the ways children’s natural propensity to feel good about being themselves may be threatened in the course of everyday life. I have listed below some examples which I have either experienced personally or have heard related to me. You can use this list as a checklist for yourself. As you are reading you could make a note of any of your own special memories as this could be useful to refer to when you begin to do the practical work in later sections.

I form a negative belief in myself that I am not an OK human being …

I begin to feel sensations of coldness, heaviness and tension in my body …

I have devaluing thoughts about myself, e.g. I am unlovable – I am unworthy of success – I am stupid, etc …

I begin to experience a loss of self-confidence and feel pessimistic …

I find that I am losing trust in people and the world around me …

I form the belief that it is unlikely that the world will ever be able to meet my needs or give me happiness …

I stop bothering to try to get my needs met or achieve success …

I become aware that I am actually much less happy and successful than some other people around me …

I allow other people who I perceive as more powerful to take advantage of me …

I begin to silently resent others who are more successful and powerful and wish them ill …

I judge myself to be a ‘nasty’ person for having such thoughts …

I begin to behave in ways which are self-punitive and self-destructive, e.g. sacrificing myself to others in an attempt to gain their esteem …

I look in the mirror and see the results of continually abusing myself and being abused by others …

I reinforce my belief that I am not an OK human being …

Then – I begin to experience the low self-esteem cycle all over again …

Low Self-esteem Experience