Читать книгу Self Esteem: Simple Steps to Build Your Confidence - Gael Lindenfield, Gael Lindenfield - Страница 15

Unfortunately, even if we have had a charmed emotional childhood our self-esteem still has a tough survival course to work through in modern everyday adult life. I am sure most of you can identify with many of these following examples as well! You can use this list as a checklist to reflect on how your self-esteem may have been damaged during the last month.

being taken for granted, ignored or rejected – especially by someone whom we like, love or respect

being ‘put-down’ or unfairly criticized – especially in situations where it is difficult for us to defend ourselves (by a boss at work; a friend at a party; a lawyer in court)

shopping for clothes and finding nothing to fit us – especially when we seem to be surrounded by sales assistants and fellow shoppers of the ‘Vogue’ variety!

coming out in ‘unsightly’ spots, rashes or sores – especially just before one of those daunting ‘high-profile’ events!

being ‘herded’ onto an overcrowded train – especially when we have just bought our ticket from someone who gave us the impression that we look more like someone who could only afford to go on foot!

an unexpected visit from certain relatives or friends when our house is a mess or the children are having an embarrassing tantrum

being deceived – especially by someone in whom we had placed our trust

failing an exam – especially one which everyone else in our world seems well able to pass!

being turned down for a job or course – especially one which was well within our capabilities

being left behind on our career ladder – especially when younger or less experienced people are skipping a few rungs

doing boring, repetitive work – especially when it’s of the kind we know could equally well be done by a mindless robot

not receiving appreciation or economic reward for our labours – especially when we seem to be surrounded by prosperous idlers

not being consulted about changes to our working conditions or job description – especially when the ‘reforms’ do not appear to reflect our interests

not being given fair opportunities to use our strengths and potential for taking responsibility

losing our job – especially at a time when we should have been working near the peak of our potential

having our needs ignored or barely recognized when we are incapacitated or disabled

making a mistake – especially one which we feel we should not have made

doing something ‘wrong’ – especially if the deed breaches our own moral code

These are just some of the more common experiences I know about! I am well aware that many of you will have experienced many more serious threats and damage, which may include, for example:

– prolonged unemployment or unfair dismissal

– persistent political or social discrimination

– sexual abuse

– violent attack to ourselves or our property

– serious deterioration of, or damage to, either body or mind.

And let’s not forget the vicious cycle that can start as soon as we receive just any one (not to mention two or more!) of these knocks.

Although all the above experiences have the potential to hurt our self-esteem, the extent of the damage caused by each individual knock will, of course, depend on a number of variable factors, such as:

– the sheer quantity of blows – don’t we all know the ‘last straw’ feeling?

– the current state of our basic, inner sense of self-worth which is, of course, substantially shaped and formed by the experiences our self-esteem has met both in childhood and as adults

– our physical health – don’t we all know how much more a put-down hurts when we are tired or ‘off colour’?

– the quality of our self-protective skills which enable us to ‘fight back’ and assert ourselves

– the amount of power and status we currently have in each situation. For example, an unfair criticism from a peer is unlikely to have the same wounding power as that of a senior colleague who uses his or her power to humiliate us in the course of an important public meeting.

It is going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it

Kin Hubbard

And finally, our ability to withstand each of these knocks will depend on just how many of these factors are currently in play. The low self-esteem cycle is so vicious that it is not uncommon to find all five present at once!

It is therefore vital that those of us who find ourselves prone to getting caught up in such negative whirlpools know how to use efficient, purposeful and even sometimes aggressive strategies in defence of our self-esteem.

With the odds for success and happiness so very heavily weighted against people with shaky self-esteem, who can afford simply to sit back and patiently hope that Lady Luck or a guiding star will eventually bring a fair share of good fortune? So let’s move into action!