Читать книгу My Trans Parent - Heather Bryant - Страница 42

If you don’t know what to say to your friends, keep it simple. Don’t try to explain everything all at once. You don’t have to sum up your parent, your family, the state of the world, and all the shows on television all at once.

“What do you think of Transparent?” one person asked me. What I think of Transparent is the same, more or less, of what I think of Six Feet Under or Jane the Virgin or any show I’ve binge-watched. I get swept up in the characters and story. Transparent was another door opening on the conversation, but it was also just a story about a family.

You don’t have to be an expert.

Keep it brief.

You don’t have to explain everything.

When you tell your friends, tell it like a story that makes the world bigger. Tell it like this is the family you chose, even if you don’t always feel that way. Tell it like you’re inviting them in to know more about your life; like a gift you’re giving; like it’s a part of you, but not all; like you’re expanding your own world by letting them in.

With telling friends, Becca L. said, “It’s all about how you bring it up.” In middle school, she told her friends like it was a big deal, but in high school, she just let them know as a matter of course. “I noticed that the more casual you were about it, the more casual they were about it.” If you present it as no big deal, they’ll take it like that. “If you make it dramatic,” Becca said, “it’s this whole dramatic thing. If you don’t make it dramatic, they don’t care.”

The way you say it can make a difference.

If they say something ignorant or confused, just let them be confused. Not everyone knows about this and people are still learning. Think of them like they’re sitting in a classroom packed with people and they blurted out the wrong answer. Oops! It happens. Be nice to them. Don’t close them out. Give them a chance to learn, too.

Some people will want to ask questions but hold back because they don’t want to make you uncomfortable. You can open the door, too. All of us have questions. As with any subject that has been silenced or ignored, we all have blind spots. The non-binary is still a blind spot for me, an area where I have questions, but it’s part of my experience, too. Just because my parent was asked to check one gender box back in the ’80s doesn’t mean it fit. She told me recently that neither binary gender identity fits for her, but it was the path she was given, the one that fit most at the time. The questions I have about being non-binary can help me learn that it’s part of my family’s experience, too. The questions your friends have about your parent and family can help them see that something they previously saw as foreign is part of their experience, too.