Читать книгу Grieving the Loss of a Loved One - Lorene Hanley Duquin - Страница 11

5. The Way We Grieve

My eyes are blind with anguish, / and my whole frame is like a shadow.

— Job 17:7

How we grieve depends on a number of factors. When we suffer a major loss, our pattern of grieving may be similar to the way we grieved in the past, but with greater intensity. Our personalities, our relationship with the person who died, and our relationship with God all come into play.

We may grieve in the same way that we saw our parents grieve. Or we may find that our way of grieving is completely different.

Some of us deal with the grief by crying, while others of us find that we can’t cry at all. Some of us will be private in our grief, while others will be more demonstrative. Some of us will turn to God for comfort, while others will find that prayer is difficult.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It is important for us to remember, however, that every loss — no matter how great or small — needs to be grieved.

It’s easier to understand our grief if we imagine that when our loved one died, it was as if someone injected us with a massive amount of negative energy that entered into our bodies. The negative energy might feel like sadness, anger, loneliness, tension, or pain. Grieving is the process by which we find ways to get the negative energy out of our systems.

Getting the negative energy out doesn’t mean that we stop loving the person. It doesn’t mean that we stop missing the person.

The pain we feel today will gradually lose its intensity and release its grip on us. Our grieving will end eventually, and we will begin to see that it doesn’t really matter how other people grieve. It doesn’t matter how much anyone else is suffering. What matters is that we are experiencing the loss of an important person, and that we need this special time to heal in our own unique way.

Prayer: Lord, help me to grieve the loss of my loved one. Help me to understand that you never promised a life without pain or suffering, but you did promise that you would be with us always. Comfort me in my sadness; and when I feel as if I can’t go on, carry me through the pain. Jesus, I trust in you. Amen.

St. Thérèse of Lisieux describes her grief over the loss of her mother in these words:

The moment Mummy died, my happy disposition changed completely. I had been lively and cheerful, but I became timid and quiet and a bundle of nerves. A glance was often enough to make me burst into tears. I was only happy if no one took notice of me, and I couldn’t endure being with strangers.