Читать книгу Grieving the Loss of a Loved One - Lorene Hanley Duquin - Страница 12

6. Suppressing Grief

If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble.

— Molière

There are many factors involved in the suppression of grief. But no matter what the reason we have for denying, avoiding, ignoring, or postponing our grief, it is one of the biggest mistakes we can make.

We may do it in an attempt to avoid the pain or because we don’t want to accept the reality of the death. We may try to postpone our grief because our lives are busy and we don’t want to “waste” time dealing with it. We may feel pressured by others to get back to normal. We may get so caught up in helping family members or friends deal with their grief that we don’t take time to work through our own sorrow.

The reality, however, is that grief does not go away on its own. It takes a tremendous amount of our energy to keep it locked away inside us. Eventually, whether we like it or not, the grief will resurface, and it is often more difficult to deal with delayed grief than it is to face it in the first place.

The word bereavement means “to be torn apart.” When someone we love dies, it feels as if they have been torn out of our lives, and we are left with a gaping wound. Grieving is the process by which we allow that wound to heal.

Grieving is hard work. During our time of bereavement, we have to accept the reality of the loss, acknowledge the pain that is associated with our loss, adjust to life without our loved one, recreate that person in our memory, and begin to move into a new stage in our own lives.

We have to work through each one of these aspects of grief — and when we come out of our time of bereavement, thoughts of our loved one will no longer be as painful. We won’t forget the person, and we will never stop loving or missing that person. We will be able to go on with our lives, carrying our loved one in a special place in our hearts, where no one can ever take them away from us again.

Prayer: Lord, I am afraid of the pain of grief. Be with me as I enter into this dark time in my life. Give me enough light so that I can always see the next step. Be my comfort. Be my guide. Be my strength. I cannot do this without you. Amen.

Warnings against suppressing grief have been passed down through the ages. The Roman poet Ovid (43 B.C.-A.D. 17) cautioned: “Suppressed grief suffocates, it rages within the breast, and is forced to multiply its strength.”

An old Turkish proverb advises: “He who conceals his grief finds no remedy for it.”

An Italian proverb predicts: “Grief pent up will burst the heart.”