Читать книгу Grieving the Loss of a Loved One - Lorene Hanley Duquin - Страница 9

3. Telling the Story

Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.

— William Shakespeare

In the first days and weeks after the death of a loved one, we find ourselves telling the story of what happened over and over again. We talk about what happened, how it happened, why it happened, when it happened. We go over and over the details. Each time we tell the story, we bring ourselves another step closer to accepting the death.

We need to tell the story because there is still a part of us that does not want to believe that it happened. There is still a part of us that wants to believe it was all a bad dream.

Telling the story also helps the people we speak to. They undoubtedly heard about what happened, but they often don’t know what to say to comfort us. Listening to the story of what happened is as much a relief for them as it is for us!

Problems arise a few weeks after the funeral, when the reality of the death hits us with full force. We still need to talk about it, but many of the people in our lives don’t want to listen. They want us to go back to being the way we were before. They tell us that we have to move on with our lives. They already know the story, and they don’t want to hear about our sorrow, our sadness, our pain, or our feelings of loss.

We know that we can turn to God in our sorrow. The psalmist assures us that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, / saves those whose spirit is crushed” (Ps 34:18). But when we are grieving, we are like the little child who told his mother, “I know God is with me at all times, but right now I need someone with skin!”

Talking to someone else about our grief is an important part of the grieving process. If we are having difficulty finding family members or friends who will listen, we may want to seek out the help of a bereavement support group or a bereavement counselor.

Prayer: Lord, I know that you are with me in my grief, but I need other people who will listen to my pain. Give me the courage to reach out and ask for the help I need. Allow me to see your face and hear your voice in the people who come to my aid. Amen.

“Real friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait to hear the answer.” — Anonymous

“Comfort comes from knowing that people have made the same journey. And solace comes from understanding how others have learned to sing again.” — Helen Steiner Rice