Читать книгу Grieving the Loss of a Loved One - Lorene Hanley Duquin - Страница 15

9. The Gift of Tears

Jesus wept.

— John 11:35

The problem with tears is that we never know when something will trigger an emotional response in us. It might be a song on the radio, or an image that pops into our heads, or something that someone says.

There are times when tears simply start to flow, and we don’t even know why. Our eyes fill up, and we feel self-conscious, especially if we are around people who are not comfortable with tears. We may try to stop ourselves from crying, or we may rush off to a private place where we can break down. We may think of tears as our enemy, as something bad, something that embarrasses us, something that requires an apology.

When we look at the Scriptures, however, we discover that Jesus wept openly when his friend Lazarus died (Jn 11:35). Jesus did not try to hide his sadness. He was not embarrassed by his emotions. He did not apologize or run off. Jesus simply wept, and in doing so, he gave us permission to weep over the loss of someone we love.

Tears are an important part of the grieving process. A study by Dr. William H. Frey II, a biochemist at the St. Paul-Ramsey Medical Centre in Minnesota, found that the tears of a grieving person have a chemical makeup that is different from the tears of someone who is slicing onions. Tears are God’s way of allowing us to release the toxins that build up in our bodies during times of grief. Tears of grief are actually good for us.

After a good cry, we feel calmness in the depths of our being. It’s almost as if the built-up emotions have suddenly flushed out in our flood of tears. Our hearts feel less heavy. The grief we have been carrying is a little lighter.

Many of the greatest saints refer to tears as a gift. Tears cleanse our emotions the same way the waters of baptism cleanse our souls. Our tears are holy. Our tears have meaning and purpose. Our tears are a gift from a gracious and loving God who knows the depths of our pain.

So the next time our eyes flood with tears, we can simply say to those around us, “I need to cry for a moment because tears help to restore my strength and my spirit.” We don’t have to apologize. We don’t have to feel embarrassed. Going off to a private place is okay. But we may discover that, like Jesus, our ability to weep openly gives others permission to cry. And we may find that the people who share our grief will begin to recognize that their tears are a gift too.

Prayer: Lord, help me to appreciate the gift of tears. Give me the courage to accept my tears. Allow my tears to release some of the sadness that I feel. Allow my tears to wash away some of the pain. And after my tears have ended, Lord, give me blessed calm. Amen.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” — Washington Irving