Читать книгу The Baby Sleep Book: How to help your baby to sleep and have a restful night - Martha Sears - Страница 10

You are learning where baby sleeps, when baby sleeps, and how to create a comfortable sleepy environment, and now we come to the next step in our plan: helping you work out what bedtime rituals work best for your baby. As you use these same routines night after night (or alternate through several routines consistently) baby will learn to fall asleep easily and stay asleep longer.

Creating healthy and relaxing sleep associations

A sleep “association” is not a naptime playgroup or a group of sleepy parents who gather to yawn and complain about their baby’s sleep habits. A sleep association refers to a connection in baby’s mind between falling asleep and the various activities, places, experiences, and feelings that precede his nodding off into slumber. The wiring in baby’s brain is full of patterns of association. For example, if you usually feed and sing your baby to sleep in a rocking chair, this setting will become programmed into your baby’s mind as a sleep-inducing routine. He will remember the calm and drowsy feelings he gets from rocking and feeding, and this will help him fall asleep.

What kind of sleep associations do you want to teach your baby? Do you want to create attachment-based sleep associations or independence-based sleep associations?

 Attachment-based sleep associations. Many parents like to “parent” their babies to sleep; rocking, feeding, or snuggling while baby drifts off to sleep. Baby learns to associate falling asleep with a parent’s presence. The advantage? Closer bond between parent and baby. The disadvantage? Mum or Dad must be involved with baby falling asleep for months or years. Depending on your own instinctive parenting style, you may actually view this as an advantage; certainly your baby would.

 Independence-based sleep associations. Other parents strive to help baby learn a more independent way of falling asleep, without the need for parent involvement. The most popular method for learning to fall asleep independently is the cry it out method. The disadvantage? You don’t teach baby to fall asleep, you force him to. Medical research has shown that excessive crying creates stress for a baby. So a baby learns to associate falling asleep with fear, stress, and worry. This is not healthy in the long run.

(We will discuss sleep anxiety more on page and the harmful effects of crying it out on page.) We all want our babies to eventually learn to fall asleep independently by their own self-soothing strategies at an appropriate age. Our sleep plan teaches them how, rather than forcing them to sleep independently.

As parents ourselves, we chose to create attachment-based sleep associations in our kids. But we know that not all parents will make the same choice. Is there a middle ground? Is there a way to help a baby learn to fall asleep independently but without excessive crying or stress? Is there a way to create attachment-based sleep associations that meet baby’s need and at the same time aren’t overly demanding on parents? We believe the answer to these questions is YES!

Why is it necessary for you to help your baby develop healthy sleep associations? Why not just put baby down in her cot, walk out of the room, and let her fall asleep on her own? Won’t she learn that being in the cot means there’s nothing to do now but sleep? Well, yes, she will begin to associate being left alone in the cot with sleep. Her developing brain is busy building patterns of association all the time. That’s what brains do. But in the early months, babies do not have the developmental capacity to transition themselves from the state of being awake to being asleep without help. A tiny baby left alone in her cot to fall asleep on her own is likely to cry fearfully and then sleep anxiously. Going to sleep anxiously defeats one of the goals of your sleep plan: to teach baby a healthy attitude about sleep; that sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a happy state to remain in.

Babies need to be parented to sleep so that they can form pleasant sleep associations. So what kind of activities, experiences, and feelings do you want your baby to associate with going to sleep? Babies who fall asleep while breast- or bottle-feeding will learn to associate warm milk, rhythmic sucking, and being cuddled close to Mum with sleep. Babies who are carried around or rocked to sleep will learn that motion and comfort, as well as contact with Mum or Dad, are what send them into dreamland. Babies who are put in a cot to cry themselves to sleep learn that sleep is a lonely time when they need to comfort themselves.

Remember, you not only want your baby to sleep longer, but to sleep happier. So, in considering any advice about sleep, including the advice in this book, ask yourself:

“If I were my baby, how would I want to go to sleep?”

Getting behind the eyes of your baby and imagining how you would want your parents to act in a certain situation is one of the most important parenting tools we have learned over our years as parents and pediatricians. You will nearly always make wise decisions about how to parent your children if you begin your decision process by trying to understand the situation from your child’s point of view. If you were a baby, would you rather be parented to sleep at the breast of mother or in the arms of father, or just put down in a lonely cot and left to cry off to sleep?

We are now going to show you ways to create sleep associations that have one goal in mind – to help baby learn that sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a happy state to remain in.

Primary and secondary sleep associations

Another concept we want you to understand is primary and secondary sleep associations. Think of your baby’s primary sleep association as whatever usually turns on the sleep switch.

and the sleep association winners are:

Primary

 Feeding to sleep (breast or bottle)

 Rocking

 Wearing down in a sling

 Falling asleep independently

Secondary

 Soft music

 Singing lullabies

 Dimmed light

 White noise

 Dummy or “cuddly”

 Patting

 Being walked

 Stroking (massage)

 Swinging

 Dancing in arms

 Scent of mother

 Verbal sleep cues (i.e. “nighty, night” …)

 Stories

 A combination of several

Secondary associations are things such as soft music, dim lights, or stories that may help to calm a child and prepare her for sleep. Some parents will choose one primary sleep association as the foundation, and use several secondary associations to help. Others like to get baby used to several different primary associations for sleep so that they have more options for bedtime.

Choosing sleep associations that fit your baby best

Which primary sleep association is going to work best for your baby? You won’t know until you’ve tried them all. We suggest you go through a trial period of a few weeks to see what primary method of putting baby to sleep works the best. Try feeding baby to sleep a few nights, then try rocking or walking. Try snuggling with baby but not feeding to sleep. Involve Dad in the routine as well. Try a variety of methods until you learn what works best. Here are the main primary associations to consider as you decide what will work best in your family: feeding baby to sleep, feeding baby almost to sleep, lulling baby to sleep without feeding, and laying baby down to fall asleep independently.

1. Breastfeeding or bottle-feeding your baby to sleep. Breastfeeding mums often find the easiest way to get their baby to sleep is by breastfeeding. In fact, in the first few weeks it is almost impossible to keep a baby awake at the breast for more than ten minutes. Baby is inevitably going to fall asleep feeding. Young babies also fall asleep very easily while bottle-feeding. Breastfeeding seems to be nature’s plan for comforting babies and helping them fall asleep. In fact, breast milk contains a sleep-inducing protein that helps lull baby into dreamland. As baby relaxes, so does mother, thanks to the hormones released when baby sucks at the breast.

We recommend that you not place any limitations on your baby feeding to sleep during the early weeks of breastfeeding. In the first four to six weeks after birth, you are learning to read your baby’s hunger cues, your baby is learning to tell you when he is hungry, and your milk supply is adjusting to baby’s needs. Relax and enjoy the breastfeeding experience.

A smart baby will get to love this feeding-to-sleep association and come to enjoy and expect it for as long as you breastfeed or use bottles. On the one hand, this means that you will be able to count on feeding as an easy way to get baby off to sleep. Even a baby who is fighting sleep will eventually succumb to the relaxing feelings that come from feeding. On the other hand, Mum’s breasts have to be there at bedtime, and again, when baby awakens in the middle of the night. Even if breastfeeding is your baby’s number one primary sleep association, you may want to help him learn other associations so you have other ways to put him to bed.

In developing our sleep plan, we asked mothers of frequent night wakers, “For your next baby, what will you do differently?” The following answer, from our daughter Hayden (formerly the star of our Fussy Baby book and now a new mother), is representative of what many mums told us:

I cherish those precious times of feeding Ashton to sleep, as I realize they will pass all too soon. Yet, for our next baby, I will not use just one way of putting her to sleep. I’ll do a variety of things so she’s not so set in only one way of falling asleep. This will include my husband, Jason, putting her to sleep now and then, so that when she’s older he can put her to sleep in his own way.

Many parents tell us that feeding baby at bedtime and a couple more times during the night works very well for them. Baby is content, and mother manages to get enough sleep, because baby is sleeping close by and she can feed baby back to sleep without waking up completely herself. Maybe Mum wakes a little more often, but she feels that the benefits outweigh any inconvenience for her.

Some mums, however, have told us that at age six months, twelve months, even eighteen months, their babies continue to wake up several times (or more!) each night to feed, and that they can no longer cope with this much night-feeding. They wish that their babies would learn that there is more than one way to fall asleep. Well, babies can learn other ways to sleep, and we will share ways to teach a baby new sleep associations later in this book. For now, we want you to know that many mothers breastfeed their babies to sleep for many months, feed them during the night, and still manage to get enough rest. If you currently enjoy breastfeeding your baby to sleep, we don’t want to get in the way of a good thing. One of the lessons we want you to learn about parenting is to enjoy the moment. We want you to get attached to your baby without worrying about a lot of what-ifs. (If frequent night feeding is a top concern, you will welcome the tips offered in chapter 6.)

2. Feeding baby ALMOST to sleep. Breastfeeding parents who want Dad to be able to put baby to sleep, as well as Mum, often teach their baby sleep associations beyond breastfeeding. Baby breastfeeds at bedtime, settles down, and starts to feel drowsy. Then Dad takes over while baby drifts off to sleep, using walking or rocking while patting baby’s back, and other methods, for easing the transition into sleep. (See “Try Our Favourite Nighttime Fathering Strategies”). Bottle-feeding parents can use this approach, too, if they don’t want their baby falling asleep with a bottle in her mouth. This approach helps baby learn that there are other ways to fall asleep besides relying on the comfort of sucking. When you use this approach with an older infant who no longer needs two or three nighttime feedings, baby may be less likely to wake up at night and she may be more willing to go back to sleep with just some gentle patting or snuggling from either Mum or Dad.

The main reason for getting baby used to other sleep associations is to avoid mother burnout from frequent night feeding of the older infant (the most frequent sleep concern we encounter in our pediatric practice). In the wonderful world of night feeding, babies absolutely love going fully to sleep at mother’s breast and having instant access to this warm and cosy prop when they awake, and if it’s working for you please don’t change. Yet, it often helps to add the finishing touch of another prop after feeding to help baby go from being awake, but drowsy, through light sleep into a state of deep sleep. Try these finishing touches:

 Feed, then pat, sing, or rock to sleep. Instead of feeding baby completely to sleep, breastfeed until she starts to slow down her sucking and closes her eyelids, but she’s not yet asleep. Ease your nipple out of her mouth (see Martha’s de-latching trick), and then rock, pat, or sing her down until she is completely asleep.

 Mother nurse, plus father nurse. Near the end of the feeding, ease baby gently into father’s arms to add the finishing touch (see a complete discussion of how fathers can do this, page). Then, hopefully, when baby wakes up, she is more likely to accept Dad or another caregiver putting her back to sleep using the same finishing touch.

 Add a variety of secondary sleep associations. You can use any of the tools listed on page to lull your baby to sleep. If these techniques are not working and baby insists on feeding to sleep, consider that a baby who is not willing is not yet ready. Give your baby a few weeks for her sleep patterns to mature and then try again.

3. Putting baby to sleep without feeding. Easier said than done. Because of the sleep association principle discussed above, if baby always falls fully asleep the same way, especially at the breast, she will expect, demand, or even scream for the same prop – usually the breast – to put her back to sleep. Occasionally try putting your baby down when he is sleepy, but not totally asleep (or feeding almost to sleep as mentioned in tip number two). Learning to fall asleep without feeding teaches him that it’s okay to go to sleep in other ways. Expect that your baby might fuss when you try to use some of these sleep-inducing tools listed on page. If he does fuss more than just a little, remember the parenting principle: don’t persist with a bad experiment. Yet, even if just once or twice a week you try to put your baby down partially asleep, at least you’ve planted a bit of the “I can do it” association.

4. Putting baby down to sleep independently. Some parents like to set up a more independent sleep arrangement early on, in which, hopefully, baby learns to settle himself down to sleep without much parental interaction. They reason that a baby who learns to fall asleep on his own will also be able to settle himself back to sleep on his own when he wakes during the night. This type of sleep training has become popular with some parents because it results in a “low maintenance” baby at night. It has also received a great deal of criticism because of the amount of crying that baby experiences during the training phase. Babies are born with an innate need for comfort and security while falling asleep, upon waking, while going back to sleep, and in some cases even while sleeping.

Ideally, a human caregiver supplies this comfort. Babies who sleep independently usually need to have some sort of secondary sleep association handy to calm them when they are falling asleep and when they awaken. They may need motion, such as rocking, swinging or bouncing movements of a cradle, swing, or baby hammock. They may depend on a dummy. Perhaps they learn to associate soft music or other sounds with sleep. Parents develop a routine around this sleep association that lulls baby into dreamland.

varying baby’s sleep associations

Get baby used to a variety of sleep associations at bedtime. The way your baby goes to sleep is the way she expects to go back to sleep when she awakens. When baby is older, you and your partner may want to take turns putting baby to sleep. Baby will learn Mum’s way of getting her to sleep (probably feeding) and Dad’s way of getting her to sleep (walking, “wearing down” in the baby sling, rocking and humming, and so on). For example, you may decide that you want to have your baby sleep in bed with you, but you are going to vary what you do to help her fall asleep. Some nights Mum will feed baby to sleep. Other nights Dad will soothe baby to sleep. You both can vary your soothing techniques. Some nights wear baby down to sleep by walking her around in a baby sling carrier. Other nights lull her to sleep in a baby swing. Mum has the option of not feeding baby to sleep and instead using Dad’s “wearing down” technique. You can even vary where baby sleeps. Some nights put baby in her cradle. On other nights put her in a cot and bring her into bed with you when she wakes. Or, share the whole night in your big bed together.

To train babies to fall asleep lying in a cot by themselves without any comforting sleep associations would be very tough on them. In chapter 10 you will learn why we discourage this “tough-love” approach to sleep training when it involves crying it out.

Research shows that a sleep-training method that involves extended crying alone (without parent comforting) is not emotionally or physically healthy for babies – or for parents. Very easy-going babies may be able to learn to fall asleep independently with only minimal fuss, and we will offer suggestions on how this can be done in an appropriately sensitive way later in the book. Remember, our goal is for you to create stress-free sleep associations that result in a happy, healthy sleeper.

We’ll now go through a list of favourite sleep associations to help your baby fall asleep happier.

Laying baby down to sleep – transitioning tips

Babies don’t come equipped with the type of sleep switch that you can suddenly turn off at naptime and bedtime. Yet, a transitioning-to-sleep ritual can be like a dimmer switch that gradually tunes out and turns down stimulation in baby’s environment. In sleep psychology, this is known as “fading” (like what happens when you are listening to a dull talk). You can’t expect a baby to go from his exciting waking life right into sleep. (You don’t fall asleep this way, do you?) There has to be a transition time. Here are some favourites that have worked in our families:

Feeding down. If babies could vote, going off to sleep the warm way would win the Best Transition Award. A high-touch continuum from warm bath, to warm arms, to warm breast, to warm bed is a winning recipe for sleep. Nestle up next to your baby on your bed and feed her off to sleep. If you feed baby to sleep in your arms, be sure to wait until she is fully asleep before you try to transfer into her own bed. Once baby is asleep, try Martha’s de-latch technique (page) to learn how to ease away. (For related strategies, see “Night Feeding”, to learn why night feeding is such a special and effective sleep-inducer. See also “Try Our Favourite Nighttime Fathering Strategies” where Dad adds the finishing touch to mother nursing, page).

Fathering down. “Nursing” implies comforting, not only breastfeeding. Fathers can and should “nurse” their babies down to sleep. Place baby in the neck nestle position (see illustration, page) and “dance” or rock your baby to sleep.

One day after explaining the concept of sleep associations to a tired mother, she replied, “My baby has only one sleep association – ME!” If this is you, read – with your partner – chapter 8, “Twenty-three Nighttime Fathering Tips”.

Nestling down. Transferring the sleeping baby from your arms to his bed may prove to be tricky. An abrupt change from being nestled next to a parent’s body to lying alone on a mattress will awaken some babies. To ease your baby through this transition, try the intermediate step of lying down on your bed with your sleeping baby still in your arms. We call this the “teddy bear snuggle”. Once he’s sound asleep (see limp-limb sign opposite), you can ease yourself away and maybe even move him to his own bed.

Sucking down. Sucking is soothing, yet the human pacifier can wear out. Besides the breast or bottle, try your finger or teach baby to find his own hand to suck on.

Patting down. As you are easing baby into her bed, pat her chest or tummy gently and rhythmically, around 60 pats per minute (like your heartbeat). Gradually lighten and slow the patting as she succumbs to sleep. Add some verbal sleep cues (listed on page).

As she was just about to sleep, I’d run my fingers across her face, over her eyes, and down her nose so that her eyes would close.

Touching down. Oh, how babies love to be touched as they fall asleep. Here are some ideas for soothing, loving touches:

 Patting – gentle, rhythmic patting on baby’s back or bottom while she is being held in your arms. Gentle patting on her tummy can also be used to soothe a baby who is lying in bed, especially when picking her up might be too stimulating.

 Massage – light stroking of baby’s head and back is a favourite.

 Skin-to-skin – young babies especially love the familiar feel of your skin on theirs.

sears’ sleep tip for dads:

Avoid the quick release in getting your baby to sleep. Have patience. Sometimes a too-quick release of the feeling of being securely attached to a parent can bother babies and cause them to jerk back awake. If baby continues to wake up when you try to transition him from your arms into his bed or is not falling completely asleep in your arms while rocking or walking, try putting him down on your chest in the neck nestle position or next to you. Once he is fully asleep (you can tell by observing the limp-limb sign – hands unclenched, arms dangling loosely at his side, facial muscles still), then ease yourself away. If baby’s hands are fisted and limbs flexed, chances are he is still in the state of light sleep and will awaken if you try to put him down too quickly.

Wearing down. Place your baby in a baby sling and wear her around the house for a half-hour or so before the designated bedtime. When she is fully asleep in the sling, ease her out of the sling onto your bed. Or, if she’s not fully asleep, lie down with her in the neck nestle or snuggle hold position on your chest. When baby is fully asleep, roll over on your side, slip yourself out of the sling, and let baby lie on the bed on her back using the sling as a cover. Wearing down (or what we also dub “slinging down”) is particularly useful for the reluctant napper. When baby falls asleep in the sling you can both lie down and enjoy a much-needed mutual nap.

Wearing down in a sling.

Rocking or walking down. Try rocking baby to sleep in a bedside rocking chair, or walk with baby, patting her back and singing. To keep the motion going (and keep baby asleep), ease her into a cradle and continue the rocking motion at a rate of about sixty rocks per minute. This is the heartbeat rhythm your baby was used to in the womb.

Swinging down. Try a bedside baby hammock. For most babies, motion, not stillness, signals sleep. Remember how your baby used to sleep during the day when you were pregnant but kept you awake at night when you lay down to sleep. When you were up and around, the motion of your body soothed her into sleep. When you were still, she woke up.

Wind-up swings for winding down babies are a boon to parents when their arms are wearing out. Some infants find the mechanical swing less interesting, if not downright boring, compared to being in the arms of a human being. So, off to sleep they go. Yet some babies are notoriously resistant to mechanical mother substitutes and will protest anything less than the real Mum. Before you actually spend money on a swing, you might want to borrow one for a week or two to see if the spell of the swing will work for your baby. You may discover that you are uncomfortable with mechanical mothering and decide that your baby is better off in your arms.

Driving down. If you’ve tried all the above transitioning techniques and baby still resists falling asleep, place baby in a car seat and drive around until he falls asleep. When you return home and baby is in a deep sleep, carry the infant car seat (with the sleeping baby) into your bedroom and let baby remain in the car seat until the first night waking. If he is in a deep sleep, you may be able to ease him out of the car seat into his own bed.

Using props. Called transitional objects or “cuddlies”, these are favourite toys that help children more easily transition from the familiar and interesting waking world to the world of sleep. Transitional objects should be cuddly, but safe. (See “Sleep Safety”). Rolling over on plastic toys may awaken baby.

Transitional touch. If baby starts to stir as you try to slip her out of your arms or ease away from her in bed, offer the laying on of hands. Place your hand on baby’s chest or tummy and leave it there until she drifts back to sleep. This extra touch is especially important in babies who have a hard time transitioning from your arms into the Moses basket or cot. They need this transitional touch to stay fully asleep. It can save you a trip back to the rocking chair, to soothe an awakened baby back to sleep.

The scent of mother. Leaving in the cot a breast pad or t-shirt mother wore all day may help baby transition from the whole mother at night.

Music to sleep by. A parent softly singing a lullaby is the classic sound cue for babies to go to sleep. Quiet instrumental music is another traditional favourite. Here are some creative ways you can use sound to soothe baby to sleep:

 Mum’s musical voice. The soft sounds of Mum’s voice, either in song or in quiet words will mesmerize baby. That’s why they’re called lullabies.

I saved one song, our sleep song, for when it was time to go to sleep. She learned to associate that song with falling asleep.

need more sound advice?

 Put together a medley of easy-listening lullabies on a CD or tape, and then set the player for continuous play. You won’t have to worry about running out of music and breaking the sleepy mood.

 Tape a medley of you singing baby’s favourite lullabies. Your familiar voice may help baby settle when put to sleep by someone else.

 For babies in a cradle or cot, turn on a musical mobile to help baby associate the gentle movement and the sound with going to sleep. If the mobile helps to get him to sleep, restart it when he wakes to get him back to sleep.

 Besides choosing music that is easy listening to your ears, select tunes that your baby enjoys. Infants usually settle better with classical music that has slowly rising and falling tempos with lots of repetitive themes. Simple music with repetitive rhythms tends to work best. Turbulent rap or rock music is likely to be a night waker. A music box with classics, such as Brahms’ Lullaby, is a proven settler. For some suggestions from the Sears’ family library of music to fall asleep by, see Appendix A.

 Dad’s deep tones. Some babies really take to Dad’s full, rumbly tones. Besides hearing his voice, they can feel the vibrations from the voice box when held on Dad’s chest. (See the neck nestle, page).

 Rhythmic music. Music with simple repeating words and rhythms is soothing to babies. Nursery rhymes and lullabies are the classic examples. Even quiet pop music with a steady beat can get baby into the rhythm of sleep. Peaceful classical music is another favourite. Complex classical music, on the other hand, can be over stimulating.

More sounds to sleep by. Use white noise – monotonous sounds that block out other noises and bore a baby to sleep. Besides the continuous monotone humming or “Shhhh” of a parent, here are some white-noise sounds that work:

 Sound of a fan, air conditioner, or even tape recordings of womb sounds or vacuum cleaner sounds. (Don’t wear out your vacuum – record the sound.)

 Running water from a nearby tap or shower. (Record it to conserve water.)

 A bubbling fish tank.

 A loudly ticking clock or a metronome set at sixty beats a minute. (These can be tape-recorded too.)

 Recordings of waterfalls or ocean sounds.

 Rocking in a rocker to the hum of a small fan.

I wore my baby in a sling while vacuuming. The sounds lulled him to sleep and I got some cleaning done.

Our son loves to feed to sleep and sometimes will prolong the feed as much as 30–40 minutes. My partner realized one evening that our son had fallen asleep after only ten minutes while feeding and listening to a quiet Mummy and Daddy conversation. I decided to tape our conversation one evening. Now when our son needs to go to sleep a little faster and my partner isn’t around to talk to, I just play our Mummy and Daddy tape.

If baby is restless and won’t feed off to sleep, my partner turns on the dishwasher for white noise and then walks baby for a while.

Motion for sleep. What baby doesn’t like motion? This is why babies fall asleep in swings, rockers, cars, and while being held and walked. Here are suggestions for slings, swings, and other things you can use to lull baby to sleep:

 Rocking. Mum or Dad’s arms and the steady motion of a rocking chair have been putting babies to sleep for ages.

 Cradle. Gently rock baby’s cradle to lull baby to sleep or back to sleep.

 Baby swing. Many babies will drift off to sleep in a baby swing at nap time or bedtime.

 Baby slings. “Wearing baby” in a sling or other infant carrier while you move about simulates the womb environment and will soothe baby to sleep. (See wearing down).

Dancing for all the senses. You can combine all kinds of sensory input in a dance that will envelop baby in a soothing environment. This works well for fussy babies or those that fight sleep. Snuggle baby in your arms, either in the cradle hold, up on your shoulder, or draped tummy down over your forearm. Move around gently in all directions – up, down, and back and forth, and pat baby’s bottom as you hum, sing, or make other gentle sounds. All this gentle stimulation blocks out the anxious, fretful feelings coming from inside of baby and really takes baby back to the womb.

science says: crying it out could be harmful to babies

Is it possible that excessive crying can harm a baby’s intellectual, emotional, and social development? Here is how science answers this alarming question:

 Infants who are routinely separated from parents in a stressful way have abnormally high levels of the stress hormone cortisol and lower growth hormone levels. These imbalances inhibit the growth of nerve tissue in the brain.1, 2, 3, 4

 Researchers at Yale University and Harvard Medical School found that intense stress early in life can alter the brain’s neurotransmitters and structure in a similar way to that found in adults with depression.5, 6

 A study from the University of Hertfordshire, U.K., showed infants with persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to grow up to have ADHD, concluding this may be due to unresponsive parenting.7

 Research at Baylor University found when chronic stress over-stimulates an infant’s brain, the child will grow up with an overactive adrenaline system, causing aggression, impulsivity, and violence later in life.8

 Studies at the UCLA School of Medicine found the stress hormone cortisol actually destroys nerve connections in critical portions of an infant’s developing brain, and when babies are neglected, they can grow up to be violent, impulsive, and emotionally unattached children.9, 10

 Doctors at Case Western and Duke Universities showed prolonged crying in infants caused increased pressure in the brain, elevated stress hormones and decreased oxygenation to the brain.11, 12

 Researchers found babies whose cries are usually ignored will not develop healthy intellectual and social skills.13

 Doctors at the National Institute of Health found that infants with prolonged crying (not due to colic) in the first 3 months of life had an average IQ 9 points lower at five years of age and had poor fine motor development.14

 Infants with excessive crying during the early months show difficulty controlling their emotions and become even fussier when parents try to console them at 10 months.15

All babies cry, and most babies grow up to be emotionally and neurologically healthy children. However, this research is clear on one point: intense, extended periods of crying alone can permanently harm a baby’s developing brain. What does this mean for the CIO method? A baby who only cries briefly for a few nights is probably fine. What about crying for many minutes, night after night? We can’t say how many minutes and how many nights are safe, because no one has ever researched this. We urge parents to be very cautious if they decide to try this method.

A box full of tricks. While most babies need a predictable routine to get to sleep, some enjoy novelty. And even your best transitioning tips may not work when baby enters a new stage of development. You need a box full of sleep strategies to see you through the first year or two of your baby’s life. Keep trying new things.

Your attitude. Consider winding-down routines as an opportunity to spend quality time with your child. Enjoy this peaceful time together. Don’t look at your watch. Don’t think about everything else you have to do. Your baby will pick up on your relaxed attitude and probably go to sleep more easily.

Trial Period

During this first week or two you will be trying to work out what primary sleep associations work for your baby.

For newborns and younger babies, you will be trying to find one (or maybe two) things that you can depend on to get your baby off to sleep. This may turn out to be feeding, rocking or walking.

For older infants and those who already have a strong primary sleep association (in other words, something you can count on to nearly always turn on the sleep switch), you will be trying to find one or two new primary sleep associations either because the old ones are no longer working for you or because you want your baby to be able to fall asleep in other ways. Your baby will probably protest or fight this change and want you to go back to the tried-and-true. Keep trying different ideas, as long as you are comfortable. Use secondary sleep associations, such as music or motion, along with whatever primary sleep association you are trying to establish. Write down your observations, to help you remember what works.

What is your baby’s favourite sleep-association combo? _______________________________

Now that you have figured out a variety of ways to happily parent your baby to sleep, let’s learn ways of helping baby to enjoy sleeping longer.