Читать книгу The Baby Sleep Book: How to help your baby to sleep and have a restful night - Martha Sears - Страница 15

We’ll begin with fifteen tips that apply to nearly all toddlers. These are practical strategies aimed at 1) getting little ones off to dreamland and 2) teaching them a healthy attitude toward sleep. The second half of this chapter turns the spotlight (or a very dim nightlight – don’t want to wake the kids) on common toddler sleep concerns – and solutions – that tired parents have shared with us.

One night my daughter called out “Mummy, I need you!” I went straight away to her room, fed her, and she sleepily said, “Thank you, Mummy” and drifted off to sleep. I thank God that she knows we are here for her and that she uses us when she needs us. I hope that this will be a lifelong pattern, not just in sleep, but with her everyday life.

1. Tire out your toddler

Encourage your child to be active during the day. The more physical activity that children – and adults – get during the day, the better they sleep at night. Babies who are not yet walking can be encouraged to play on the floor, cruise and crawl. Take your toddler to the park and run, jump, and bounce on the playground equipment. Toddlers get their exercise in bursts of activity. They don’t take long walks or set out to jog three miles as adults do. They take frequent rest stops during active play, but they don’t mind being active much of the day. Toddlers should not be plugged in for more than a half-hour a day playing video games or watching television.

Sears’ Sleep Tip: Kids who are couch potatoes by day tend to sleep less at night.

2. Set consistent bedtimes

Infants and toddlers generally go to bed “too late”. Or they go to bed at different times every night. Modern families’ busy daytime lifestyles encourage this “whenever” approach to bedtime. Unless your family’s lifestyle allows for your toddler to sleep later in the morning, try to set an early and consistent bedtime for your little one. Even if a later bedtime is what works best in your family, try to be consistent about when your child goes to bed. By putting kids to bed at the same time night after night you are programming their internal sleep clock to fall asleep easily at this set time.

3. Set the stage

Toddlers and preschoolers are not going to go to bed willingly if there is a lot of activity going on in your household. They don’t like to miss out. When it’s time for your toddler to go to bed, turn down the lights all over the house, turn off the television (you can record what you’re missing), and channel older children’s energy into quiet activities. As you turn down the household activity level, let your child know that bedtime is coming. Set the kitchen timer for 10 or 15 minutes and tell your child that when the timer goes off, it’s bedtime. Or use an egg timer and say, “When all the sand hits the bottom, it’s time to start getting ready for bed”. Kids are less likely to argue with a timer than with a parent.

nighttime props for tots

While a mother’s breast, a father’s arms, and a familiar voice singing a lullaby will always be your child’s favourite sleep inducers, there are times when parents need some reinforcement. Try these:

 An aquarium. The bubbles, the graceful fish, the hum of the heater, the lights and shadows – the slowly changing patterns all built into this cute container are mesmerizing. They will calm toddlers and eventually bore them to sleep.

 White noise machines. A favourite of adults, these bedside sound machines allow you to choose various monotonous sounds, such as a bubbling brook, ocean waves, rainfall, and melodious chants, that soothe young and old into sleep. (See “More Sounds to Sleep By”, page).

 An air filter. A HEPA air filter not only rids the bedroom air of dust, allergens, and other nose stuffing and night waking irritants, but also produces white noise that blocks out other sounds that may awaken a light sleeper.

 A dimmer switch. Gradually dimming the lights will help ease your toddler into sleep. See if you can find a dimmer that can be operated with a remote control. Or put a dimmer on the reading lamp next to the bed.

4. Enjoy a variety of bedtime rituals

Bedtime rituals are all the things you do consistently, every night, starting a half hour to an hour before tired time. Bedtime rituals help the busy toddler wind down and make the transition from an exciting and active evening to the quietness and relative boredom of sleep.

You can’t force a child to sleep, but you can create a quiet, soothing environment that allows sleep to overcome the child. Avoid stimulating activities, such as wrestling or running around the house for a while before bedtime. Save exciting activities that rev up a child’s mind and body for late afternoon. Children need a buffer zone between a busy day and bedtime. Quiet activities and a regular bedtime routine can help kids make the transition from awake time to sleepy time.

Bedtime routines don’t have to be exactly the same from night to night. Toddlers enjoy novelty. Bedtime with Mum may be different from bedtime with Dad, but that’s good.

Even children who are very tired may not be willing to give up and go to bed. They don’t want to be separated from you or miss anything interesting. This is why bedtime rituals need to be creative and include quality time with parents. Bedtime routines should be interesting and special, even as they wind children down from an active day.

Ritual tips. Different babies enjoy different rituals at different ages. Be flexible. What works one month may not necessarily work the next. Here are some tried and true favourites:

 The Bedtime B’s: bath, bottle or breastfeeding, backrub, book, and clean bottom (if bath time revs up your child, bathe her during the day).

 Strolling through the house with baby in a sling (see “wearing down”, page).

 Reading a poem or singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star”.

 Saying goodnight to everyone: toddlers love long goodnight lists: “Good night, toys, good night, pets, good night, Mummy, good night, Granddaddy”, etc.

 The bath and favourite, calming book combination.

 Back rubs. Give your child a massage and gradually lighten your touch as your child drifts off to sleep. Or “plant a garden” on your child’s back using different touches for the different kinds of seeds your child asks to plant. Gradually lighten your strokes as you smooth out the soil.

 Listen to music and hum or sing along. Choose quiet, gentle songs, not get-up-and-dance-along music. You may find that playing or singing one special song becomes part of your settling-down-to-sleep routine.

 Your child may fall asleep more easily if there is quiet background activity in the household instead of complete quiet. A little bit of noise reassures her that you are close by.

 Feeding to sleep – a perennial favourite.

I’d save all my phone calls and return them when I knew my toddler was ready for sleep. Toddlers always want to feed when you’re on the phone, so take advantage of that and let the quiet ebb and flow of your voice lull baby right to sleep.

Signing off. The bedtime ritual that worked best for us with our toddler, Matthew, who had a hard time winding down and leaving the excitement of daytime activities, was one we called “signing off”. When it was near his bedtime, we made the rounds: “Say night-night to the toys, night-night to Mummy, night-night to Princess (the cat), night-night to Honey Bee (the dog).” As we walked upstairs, we said night-night to the relatives in the photos on the wall, and night-night to whatever else we encountered between the family room and the bedroom. When we finally arrived in the bedroom, we completed the wind-down ritual by saying night-night to the toys and pictures on the wall. This slow signing off seems to help children who are so engrossed in their play that they have a hard time transitioning into bedtime.

The fish story. When Matthew was three, an evening of exciting activity often meant that he would have a hard time falling asleep. So after he had climbed in bed, I would tell him a “fish story”. It was not an exciting tale about the one that got away. Instead, it went like this: “When I was a young boy, I used to go fishing … and I would catch one fish, two fish, three fish …” With each fish my voice got lower and slower. Some nights it was a ten-fish story, other nights I caught twenty fish before Matthew was peacefully asleep. Basically, I was boring him to sleep.

Before bed prayers. Nighttime prayers are a way to share your faith with your child. We have always felt that the words children hear as they drift off to sleep are imprinted more deeply in their minds than words spoken during the day. You can say the same prayer every night, either a traditional child’s prayer or one you make up in your family, or use a basic prayer with variations based on the child’s day (“Thank you, God, for …”) This prayer is likely to stay in your child’s memory for the rest of his life.

5. Respond to sleepy signs

Throughout this book, we have urged you to respond to signs that your baby is tired. Toddlers, like babies, go to sleep more easily when they are feeling sleepy. Watch for signs that your child is tired and ready to wind down and go to sleep:

 Activity slows, lies on floor, rubs eyes, yawns (younger toddler)

 Activity picks up – to fend off the send off (older, wiser toddler)

 Picks up cuddly and ambles toward bedroom (fairy tale toddler)

If you wait to start your ritual until after tired signs begin, you’ll miss this window of opportunity. For some toddlers, preparations for going to sleep can wind them up. If you wait until he’s tired to start getting ready for bed, he may be all charged up again by the time he’s clean, dry, and in pyjamas. Bathe him, brush his teeth, put his pyjamas on and get him all ready for bed before the usual time the drowsy signs occur. Let your child become drowsy while you do the quiet part of your ritual like stories, massages, and snuggling.

Rather than do the whole ritual thing, we simply did quiet things until our toddler gave off tired signals. If she wasn’t in pyjamas, no big deal. I’d feed her to sleep and that was it. As long as clothes are clean and comfortable anything can be “pyjamas”. Tooth brushing can be whenever, too. And if you get caught by tired time and the clothes are dirty, change them once baby is out. Do the main thing, feed off to sleep when the window opens or it will close while you’re fiddling around with toothbrushes and outfits.

6. Enjoy bedtime stories

A story tops off the day, like dessert at the end of a meal. Reading to your child is an important part of nighttime parenting, one that most parents enjoy most of the time. (There may be one or two stories that your child absolutely loves that you might get a little tired of.) If you treasure the time you spend reading bedtime stories, you will radiate patience and relaxation as you read them. If your child senses you are tense and just trying to get to the last page (or trying to actually skip pages), she won’t fall asleep as quickly. Here’s how to get the most out of books for babies:

 Love your books. Since you’re going to spend a lot of time reading, pick stories that you enjoy too, so that when your little one pleads, “Read it again”, you won’t mind. Martha and I have been reading bedtime stories for 38 years now. Our last child, Lauren, was no longer breastfeeding as a toddler (she’s ours by adoption), so it took a large stack of books, and she loved every one. It was a great way to get our biggest night owl to lie still long enough to get relaxed and drift off. Some of our favourites that are appropriate for children ranging from two to five years are listed in Appendix B, page.

 Use your sleepy-soothing voice. Speak gently, quietly, and in a monotonous voice. Avoid exaggerated facial expressions or sudden change in volume, which can startle a child awake. Gradually pause longer between sentences and read more slowly and softly toward the end of the story.

 Keep it simple. Read age-appropriate stories with simple pictures. Try to keep to one book. Otherwise, your child may awaken during the pause while you search for another book.

 Position for sleep. Have your child lie in her most common sleeping position while you read to her.

 Don’t stop too soon. Even though their eyes are closing, children’s ears are very keen to follow a story. We once heard a child instruct his mother to “Keep reading – I can still hear you even when I’m sleeping.”

I read to my three-year-old daughter at bedtime, and then she tells me “good night, love you, sweet dreams” and then rolls over and goes to sleep on her own.

7. Put a “cuddly” to bed, too

As you tuck in your toddler, put a favourite stuffed toy, doll, or other “cuddly” to bed next to her. Help her tuck her little friend under the covers and give her cuddly a hug or a kiss goodnight. Watch her parent her doll or toy off to sleep the same way you help her sleep – this will help her wind down. On nights when your child is reluctant to go to bed, tell her, “Let’s go put dolly to bed”. As she shares in dolly’s bedtime ritual, she will get ready for sleep herself.

I stumbled upon a way to get Ashton to fall asleep once when she was just resisting. I went cheek to cheek with her as if I was giving her a hug and I nibbled her earlobe with my lips. I immediately felt her body relax and her eyelids start to droop. The rhythmic nibbling combined with the warmth of my breath and our closeness to each other sent her quickly into dreamland. It was also very soothing for me and a good tool for my partner to try.

8. Offer sleep cues

Find a few favourite phrases that relax your child. Say these over and over in a singsong voice as your child is falling asleep or when he needs assistance in getting back to sleep. The child hears your soothing voice, but doesn’t have to think about what you are saying. Dr Bob used to repeat, “Rest your eyes” to his son over and over again. Try:

 “Nighty-night”

 “Go night-night”

 “Sleepy-sleepy”

 “Time for sleep”

 “Sleep now”

Find a phrase that is reassuring to your child during the day and use it consistently to help him recover from a meltdown, something like, “It’s okay!” Soon your child will learn to associate “It’s okay” with settling. When he awakens from a scary dream or some other reason, hearing the familiar “It’s okay” may quickly resettle him back to sleep.

Our two-year-old loves trains. Sometimes he wakes up during the night fussy and upset and we say, “Can you hear the train?” and we make train noises. He listens, nods, and stops crying. He knows we can’t hear the real train, but at least he will stop crying to listen carefully.

9. Enlist help from a sibling

At age six, our daughter Hayden could easily “mother” her two-year-old sister, Erin, to sleep (because she had plenty of it when she was little). We would occasionally encourage Hayden to lie down with Erin and sing to her or look at a picture book and get her to sleep “just like Mummy and Daddy did with you”. Erin fell asleep, and sometimes Hayden did too. We got a lot of mileage from sibling co-sleeping. When we had two close-in-age children that we wanted to go to bed at the same time, we would announce, “Whoever is in bed first, picks the story.”

Sears’ Parenting Tip: Your future grandchildren will value the parenting-to-bed skills you taught their mother or father.

10. Make peace before bedtime

Children, like adults, have difficulty sleeping when they are angry or upset. If children have been arguing or fighting during the day, help them make up before bedtime and go to bed friends. If you and your child have been at odds all day, or if it has been an upsetting day for other reasons, take time to talk it out briefly, then do something pleasant with your child before bedtime. Maybe this is a night for an extra bedtime story, or for a tale from your adventures as a child. Cuddle your child off to sleep and help him clear his mind of upsetting thoughts. This can even be a part of your sign-off prayer to help it happen in a neutral way.

11. Try a reward chart

If bedtime is not going well at your house, try a reward chart. Set the timer to announce bedtime, and tell your child that if he goes to bed without complaining, he will get a gold star on his chart. After three good nights in a row, take him out for a fun reward (fun as in play, not as in a junky treat). When you’ve had a success or two, change the reward schedule to once every 7 days. Soon he’ll forget all about the chart.

12. Water your child

“I need a drink of water” is a classic stall tactic. Head this off by giving your child a drink of water in the bathroom before bed. Call it the “last drink” so she knows she can’t keep asking for water. Or, put a trainer cup or water bottle next to the child’s bed to quench the thirst that invariably hits as soon as the child is under the covers. He’ll enjoy the independent feel of having it on hand for himself, especially if he feels he’s had a good dose of hands-on nighttime parenting.

13. Use a nightlight

Sleep researchers have shown that the brain is able to sleep better at night with no light on, but some children are afraid of complete darkness. Try using a dim night light in your child’s room. An older child may feel more secure with his own flashlight or a reading light next to his bed that he can turn on if he wakes up. With our daughter Lauren we found that when she was older and in her own room she was happier when we let her keep the light on. We then turned it off when we went to bed.

14. Try the “fade away” strategies

Getting your baby to sleep independently implies helping your baby get used to needing less of you and comfortably relying on his own self-settling abilities. “Fading away”, means gradually weaning your child from breast, bottle, arms, voice, and eventually your presence at his bedside as he falls asleep. (See pages for examples of this getting-baby-to-sleep-alone strategy.)

15. Just go to bed!

You know your child is tired, you’ve been through the whole wind-down ritual, but he will not go to sleep. In this case, tell your child to go to his bedroom, lie in his bed, and either look at books or play quietly. If he still needs you close by, read your own book or magazine in his room. If he has to entertain himself, he will probably soon be ready to sleep.

The rule is he doesn’t have to go to sleep. He just needs to stay in bed. He is allowed to read as long as he wants. He seems to get to sleep earlier and easier when he feels he has some control of his sleep time.