Читать книгу The chosen vessel. Fighting of the spirits - Miki Lazović - Страница 10

Mara, my aunt, has grown up in a bride. The girl is more than twenty years old, and my mother Dara is still little girl. My grandfather stayed there for two – three days and went back home. Time goes on. My aunt Mara has married. Parents had only my mother. She also has grown up. She was fifteen. They have begun to look out for her from all sides even she still was a little girl. And she, the child as a child, talked to the mother:

“No, mummy, I am not going to marry with someone unknown as it accustomed in the village. They will come, will arrange a match for the girl, and she even never saw future husband and didn’t speak a word with him. I want, mother, at first to talk to future husband and if he will be pleasant to me, I will allow him to marry with me and then I will go beyond him”.

“My daughter, – mother answered, – look, my dear as war killed almost all youth, and shiptara[13] will only be heard about what young little girl begin to hunt for her to take away. Because of these parents give children even to old if only to keep honor and the person of a family, just not to give the child hasn’t into shiptarsky hands. Therefore, daughter, everything goes according to recommendations. If in a respectable family there is a groom, the matchmaker comes to them and tells about this or that girl. If someone suits them, then they go and marry off her. Then, families of the groom and the bride have to award the matchmaker for the fact that they were intermediaries of that marriage. And so, daughter, that you have got acquainted with some guy, saw him, agreed with him – whether wants to arrange a match for you or not, daughter, this can be in future, now it is impossible”.

All illusions and dreams of my mother have fallen into water. As well as each girl at that time, before the sixteen – anniversary she had received a groom from dear and rich family Lazovic. She didn’t want to hear about it, but nobody asked. And the matchmaker – was her sister Mara. She told, explained and advised this dear family, and my grandmother and the grandfather have agreed to give daughter out. They have pledged the word. They have agreed about that when the wedding will take place and the matchmakers happy, have gone home.

For the next day on a threshold of the house my grandfather has appeared. He has brought again meat of a game, potato, haricot, wheat and corn. He entered the house. My grandmother has begun to tell him what has occurred as they have pledged the word and now they were waiting for the wedding day of my mother. Grandfather has put her on knees, ironed on long hair and consoled:

“Do not worry, my daughter. That. Such is destiny. I know that you don’t love him yet, but it will come time when you’ll love this person more than yourself. Don’t worry, daughter, everything will get up on the places”.

My mother calmed down and left the house so that old could talk.

“Sister, – grandfather began to speak, – I can’t tell you what freight fell on my shoulders. I know that you pledged the word and you can’t withdraw it. It would be equated to suicide. I know that you sent the child to the richest and dear family in Kosovo, but I know also that all misfortunes and burdens of this world will fall to this guy and it will be very heavy for her to live with him”.

“Brother, don’t frighten me, I beg you. If it is so, then I won’t endure it!”

“Believe me, sister, while his father is alive, and his is a support of that family, everything will be as it should be, but after his death they will appear in an abyss. God grant, there would not happen what was shown to me”.

They spent two – three days together again and agreed to meet on the first of May when the wedding day was appointed. My grandfather went his own way, and grandfather and grandmother remained with their thoughts.

The wedding passed. My mother lodged in the new house. At the beginning everything was as in a fairy tale. It seemed to her that she fell in love with my father more than life. Why not! While he was such hardworking and attentive. She felt that he is ready to give his hurt for her at any time. Immensely he loved her and agreed with her in everything. In everything he was the best. And when he sang, all with delight listened to his melodious voice.

It is impossible to measure their happiness when the first son appeared. His father Sretko waited appearance of the grandson, and then after a long disease passed away. It became the first misfortune for all family. It passed around a year from anniversary of his death as Olga, elder sister of the father, married an Albanian. My father couldn’t endure this shock. Everywhere he looked for her and wanted to kill her to keep honor of a family. It was in vain. She wasn’t let to go anywhere from home. And my father, always smiling and cheerful, became silent and gloomy. His pain, hatred and desire to revenge to Olga sister, didn’t cease also in a month. And here, like a bolt from the blue, there passed hearing, as other his sister Natalya married an Albanian. It just killed him. Nobody could talk to him anymore. Even more often he began to get drunk. It happened while he was sober, he came to mother who was pregnant at that moment and mourned the evil destiny. At around the same time, when he had especially serious crisis, her mother died and soon her husband Sreten died. I assume that their experiences killed them because of a prophecy of my grandfather which began to be performed. After the second mother’s childbirth, a beautiful girl came to the world. She thought that this will calm him, and everything will return on old again. However, everything was vain. Mother became pregnant and gave birth to one more son. And this child didn’t pull together them.

Once, while my father was engaged in rural affairs, in their house appeared a relative and told to father’s mother and my grandmother that he saw her daughter Natalya and the son – in – law Nazif. He told to send “hi” and to wish them to be happy and that they wanted to visit my grandmother in her house. She answered that she will possibly accept them and she will only talk to other family members. In the evening when all were at home, only grandmother mentioned it, father was nearly at a blow. If he could, then at that moment he would kill mother, brother and two sisters who convinced him that life goes on and it is necessary to reconcile. There was a quarrel and father threatened – if they come, then he will kill them right in the middle at home! Grandmother became angry and threatened to throw him out from the house if he doesn’t respect her decisions.

This night he for the first time hit my mother. Then he left and didn’t spend the night at home. And the next day he didn’t appear. He returned only late at night and as a thief crept in the house. He wasn’t drunk. This evening, in silence of the room, he tried to construct a relationship with mother. At the beginning she became angry about him, but then she was softened and began to talk. They came to the decision that here, in the family circle, they can’t live. They will talk to all about the section and will take away the part of farm on which they will build the house and will live with their families and there they will accept the one who is wanted.

In the morning father mentioned about the last before mother, brother and unmarried sisters and again the quarrel began. His mother flew into the room where they slept and began to throw out the things bought by my parents during marriage from a window. She didn’t want to live with them under the same roof no one day more. She threw out them from the house, and didn’t want to divide earth while she is still alive.

There was good weather and, without having where to go, they took place under old plum. So, they lived for a week. As well as in each village, the message about a quarrel of mother and son extended very quickly. All hoped that it quickly will pass and grandmother will call him back home. If not because of him, then for the sake of three young children. It didn’t occur.

Father looked for housing everywhere. After seven days spent under the open sky they took things and lodged at godmothers’ house. For small kept money father bought from the relative a piece of earth of eight ar[14]. He worked on it hard and began to build a house. Occasionally he drank one – two shots. Again, returned to the family, but still he had no joy or good mood. He worked much so that at any cost to build the house till winter. At that time, my mother was already pregnant with me.

He didn’t contact to dicks of the family in any way. Once to the house under construction came several his relatives, who being alone didn’t dare to tell him any bad word, and all together they got brave and began to tease him. So, till the end of the August daily they provoked and swore at him. They spoke to him as if they at his place they have finished this drama long time ago killing both sisters, and sons – in – law, without allowing them to dispose in his family economy while he lives as the last poor.

Under influence of this punishments and quarrels father began to drink again. And he began again to hit my mother without any reason. Conflicts with relatives led to the fact that he became nervous and irritable. Mother didn’t hear from him any kind word.

The destiny reduced him in one market day with his own sister and son – in – law. Under the influence of constant quarrels with relatives, in him the blood began to boil and he attacked the sister’s husband. There was a fight. All thought that he will break off sister’s husband barehanded. It is unknown from where the police appeared and by means of several volunteers pulled out the son – in – law from his arms. Policemen took indications from several witnesses, and at once sent father to prison.

Next day he was brought to the judge. He was threatened by imprisonment for few months, but the judge has released him with an explanation that the son – in – law has given evidences that he is guilty and my father should be released. He was released out of prison with such chagrin in soul that it seemed to him: lick him a devil – will get poisoned. After such act of the son – in – law father has decided not to revenge him anymore, but he has made one more, pernicious decision: he will drink and thus he will kill himself.

From this day, he drank every day. He was often drunk. Having slightly sobered, mother tried to bring to reason him, and he then beat her. As if all his hatred and demon, which he felt for his sisters, was poured on her. It was not just a slap in the face any more, but beatings which couldn’t be taken out. And then, at the end of October, when she was at seventh month gone, father has decided to bring mother to her uncle, my granduncle, and there to leave her to give birth. He wants to bring up my brothers and sisters. She resisted, but without a result. Someone has hammered to him into his head that all sisters have married Albanians because of the fact that he married her. Even if she was by birth a Montenegrin.

Early in the morning at three o’clock after midnight or at dawn, at the end of October they have gone to Montenegro. Day earlier weather was solar and quiet. Father expected that the next day will be the same. However, in mountains you can never be sure which weather will be there. At first, they walked, and after several kilometers, because of the fact that mother was pregnant and couldn’t sustain long to go, father has put her on a horse and has continued the way. The time passed and they moved away from the house further and approached to the mountain Chakor. From there to the grandfather’s house there were thirteen kilometers, but the road goes down and it’s easier and quicker to go. It is difficult to orient precisely, but somewhere for one kilometer to Chakor, snow has begun to fall. At first small, and then is stronger and stronger. It was very heavy to move in such conditions, but they continued to go. Father didn’t fill cold walking near the horse, and mother sitting astride felt cold, so her teeth knocked from cold.

For couple of kilometers from the house, grandfather met them and incurred with him a blanket to cover and warm mother. Covered and they continued the way to the house. Grandfather felt the torments which were tearing apart soul of my father and didn’t want to provoke him by conversation. He began to talk and my grandfather tried to influence on fathers’ consciousness. But he couldn’t explain whether because of snow, whether because of the shown pain which had at mother or a high dose of bitterness at heart of father, but he didn’t manage to reach the desirable. He thought that when they will enter the house and will sit down to have a rest, without problems he will manage to control acts of father and to give commands to his consciousness. Grandfather didn’t want to reproach him for this receipt and that weren’t silent so far go, he began to ask about the house, cattle and other insignificant things. Father answered with a great effort. At the end of the way grandfather asked him:

“Sonny, what poisoned you so much? Why do you poison your soul of the family’s’ soul? I want, sonny, to help you, to pull out bitterness from your hurt and to cure your wounded soul”.

This conversation began for couple of hundreds of meters from the house. Grandfather expected to punch soft words armor of his suffering. But father overflowed with bitterness didn’t hear his words and began to argue. Little by little and altercations, because of roughness of father, it developed into a quarrel. Grandfather didn’t participate in it. He listened to his shouts and so they reached the house.

There grandmother, aunt and the uncle came out to try to lower a frozen body of my mother from a horse and to bring in the house with common efforts. The grandfather was quiet all the time, trying to comfort the father who without ceasing shouted and accused each of them. For a moment, he didn’t want to accuse himself.

While mother was removed from a horse, he jumped on it. Grandfather grabbed reins, without allowing to go away. Hoping that he will only enter under the rooftop, he will manage to influence consciousness of father and thus to help him. And if once he helps, he knew, he will be able to help him to recover finally. Meanwhile, father pulled reins, the horse jumped, and nothing remained to grandfather as soon as to release it. He tried to direct his will to the horse, only it didn’t turn out because of pain which felt his niece. Father went back though snow was already to a stomach of the horse.

In the house all were lost. Mother was almost unconscious. Change of temperature so influenced her that she hardly breathed. Grandfather entered and ordered to open all windows. Cold air filled the room. On the furnace water was already heated. He filled with warm water several bottles and delivered to the mother’s body covered with several blankets. He prepared bottles with warmer water and each fifteen – twenty minutes changed on more and more warm while the room was filled with fresh mountain air. Thus, it was easy for her to breathe and not to faint. Only in two hours of continuous fight for life, my mother calmed down and began to breathe regularly. She fell asleep. Grandfather ordered to warm up more hot water. When mother wakes up – childbirth will begin. Fight for her life continued.

All knew that he doesn’t tell senseless words, but nobody, except him, knew how hard will be the fight for mother survival.

In half an hour, an acute pain awakened her. She cried. As suddenly pain developed, so suddenly disappeared. Fifteen minutes later she still cried harder and more piercingly. As if someone stuck a knife into a stomach. Shrill pains were in increasing frequently, and at the end she began to faint. At that moment grandfather strongly pressed a stomach and she stridently screeched and here from her crotch children’s crying was heard. Grandfather cut an umbilical cord. I was put in an improvised bed and again switched all attention to mother. Nobody paid attention and disturbed by my crying. Grandfather lowered hands on my mother and worked hard to help her. Possibly, her brain couldn’t sustain more tension caused by an excommunication from children, accusations that she is guilty of a marriage of fathers’ sisters.

As people say “something broke in her”. She felt in similarity of a coma. She heard everything, understood what is told, but couldn’t tell a word. This condition was extended for ten days. And at this time when I cried, I was given the diluted goat milk.

As I was told later grandfather took me on hands and told:

“Will live, my Parapanats[15]”.

Later he called me Parapanats. Grandfather used all his salutary power and mother became much better soon. When everything calmed down, he paid attention to some trifles which noticed that day when the father brought mother to him. It happened to him, because of the falling snow, or because of pain which felt at that moment mother. Grandfather couldn’t direct the impact to consciousness of father, and later and to the horse. Now the time has been come to engage in the solution of this problem. He left the house and began to train. Cold didn’t prevent him to achieve desirable result. At last he managed it. He knew that only in one place he can’t show the capabilities, this is a toilet in the yard. It was removed on about five tens meters from the house sot in summer the stench wasn’t felt from it. Many times grandfather tried to do it there, but it was impossible. Then his grandfather Demetrius, who was a former Elect, appeared to him. He explained that he suffered in vain. From there he can never manage to direct impact to consciousness and never can see any picture of clairvoyance. This gift, which grandfather has, is a gift from God and he as the brightened – up personality, from such nasty place won’t be able to use it or to control.

Ten days later mother already understood what occurs around her and participated in talks. Even more she often took me on hands. Mummy remembered her children and was depressed. She began to feed me, but she had no enough milk and continued to give me diluted goat or cow milk. So I was born, so passed my first days. Because of all that occurred, and also cares of mother’s life, none of eyewitnesses remembered exact date of my birth.

I was writing down only a few months later so I celebrate birthday on the fifth of January.

And there, in the house, that day when the father was on the way, the same relatives that many times created quarrels and problems gathered. When they saw in the cold house three crying and hungry children they regretted them and brought from the houses something to feed them. Someone brought firewood, someone bread, someone balls, milk, meat, and one brought sweets. They kindled fire and fed hungry children. When children gorged on and received sweets they told as their father beats every day mother and accuses for all bad that occurs in their family.

“Now he took away her somewhere far and now we will never see her! – The senior explained and began to roar.

With him two others together began to cry too, as well as many comers to them.

One of them told:

“People, think of soul! Look that we did because of our nonsense? We’ve destroyed the whole family and only God knows what will happen with these kids and with their pregnant mother. The great sin was made. I want to be the first when Nedzhelko returns, to come to him, to apologize and tell that we went too far. It would be good to gather everything and to help him with everything. Look what poverty is here. Without taking into account the fact that the mother banished him from the house without inheritance and money, we pulled hard on him. Because of us he banished his wife and left these three small children without mother”.

All were silent as grown dumb. They were shamed to have a look each other in eyes. They went home. When father exhausted and wet came back home, there were what to look at. When he took away mother, in the house there was nothing – neither firewood, nor food. Now it was warm in the house and much of everything appeared. The eldest son began to tell him, what happened, and here someone knocked at the door. Father opened and saw frozen faces of their relatives. He allowed them to enter. There was no place to sit down. In the kitchen, there were only four chairs, and there were seven relatives. He offered them and they seated on chairs and on the bed. One of them on behalf of all began to talk:

“We saw as you returned and considering that we already visited your children and saw to what led our silly jokes, we understood that it went too far. We gathered and came to ask to forgive us and again to return to these children mother who isn’t guilty of our nonsense”.

For father, there wasn’t enough chair and he sat down on the log which was in a corner. There was nothing to treat them and there was no any binge in the house. He looked at them and as didn’t understand any word. He looked and suddenly began to laugh. All looked with surprise at him, and he laughed more and stronger. Then his laughter developed into crying to which children joined. There was everything in it: sufferings, helplessness, grief, pain and disappointment which collected in him for these two years. He wanted to tell all about hard it was for him, but only because of the huge tension, which was inside, he began to shout. He laughed, cried, shouted and eventually banished all from the house.

All saw what the devil made the business and father had nervous breakdown. They called an ambulance. When doctors came and saw his state, at once they took him away to hospital.

The same relatives, because of whom he got into such situation, began to care for children who remained alone in the house. Some began to look for mother to return her as soon as possible, but to the mountain village the message reached only in twenty – seven days. Convalescence of father lasted more than one and a half month. At this time nothing lacked children. For the twenty eighth day, as the father was brought to hospital, grandfather brought me and my mother home. Later, when I grew up, grandfather told me that brothers and sisters didn’t recognize us. Then mother took them on arms and children instinctively felt their mother. On two horses grandfather brought different products.

Next day together with mother they went to hospital to visit father. Because of tablets and injections he felt much better. Now it was possible to speak with him about everything. Again, he became the same good husband. Mother asked whether anybody from his family came to visit him.

“For all this time, which I spent here, only you two visited me and I am most guilty before you. Gatso, I ask you to forgive me, she is my wife and her duty is to forgive me, if not because of me, then for the sake of small children”.

“Leave it, Nedzhelko. You shouldn’t mention it. If you were healthy so you could to written out from here earlier, all the rest is trifle” – answered grandfather to him while mother wiped tears.

On fathers’ face appeared smile as once in the beginnings of their marriage when they were happy. He told them about that case when relatives gathered to apologize for what they’ve done when saw what brought their acts to. Then father promised them that he won’t drink any more. And he felt sorry for that as he behaved when was with grandfather. It is illness, nervous tension made this with him. In two hours after they talked about everything, grandfather and mother went to the doctor to find out about his state of health and when he would be allowed to go home. The doctor told that the condition of mentality of father is changeable. Some time it is excellent, he speaks and understands what he is doing, but it happens – he is completely lost, doesn’t know where he is and what he speaks. His treatment will last for ten – fifteen days more.

Next day grandfather went back, and mother remained to care for us. Relatives also brought something, but there were enough products brought by grandfather. So, we lived carefree all the time of fatherly treatment. At last, mother went to take away father from hospital and we remained to wait at home. For these fifteen days, none of his family came to visit him. They didn’t visit him and mother’s sister who tried to merry her daughter with him.

“Poor creature, and for God it is heavy to care about you!” – My mother often whispered.

Only occasionally father didn’t know that he does and speaks. He ceased to drink. From all forces worked equipping this lodge constructed by own hands. He worked hard and built. Within two years after completely stopped drinking in everything improvement was visible. Mother became pregnant again. During this time, while we fought for survival, relatives of father married his sister and married his brother. They organized weddings both for sister and for brother. Of course, father wasn’t invited as they had no contacts. These events very much touched him. After all tablets and the injections given in hospital the doctors prohibited him strictly to take any alcohol. But he made it. Again, all that with huge work was created fell in water. Father more and more got drunk day by day. Mother gave birth to daughter. In such conditions while we were more often hungry, than full, there passed two more years. In our lodge, only with kitchen and a room, there was neither floor, nor electricity, and I didn’t speak about water and a bathtub. In the kitchen, there are a wooden bed, a table, four loosened chairs and two benches on which could sit children, the furnace on firewood and in a corner a rack for ware. And in the room except three big beds made by father there was one case for clothes.

We, children, had our own world. We played a blind – man’s – buff and other games as we had no toys to play them as other children. Very few people came to us. So, we played. So it was at this day too. I was three and a half years old when during the game in a blind – man’s – buff I struck left knee. I cried a little, but after a while continued to play with brothers and sisters. Next day grandfather came and brought different food. At that day father was half – drunk. Mother prepared a little to treat uncle. I remember it, though I was a small child, as my grandfather put me on his knees, and then put the hands on my knee. He held hands and I felt an increasing warmth. Grandfather told that it is necessary to take me to the doctor because he felt by the fingers that I injured some nerve which can become the reason of muscles withering on a leg. Mother was frightened because she knew about his force, only half – drunk father began to quarrel on grandfather.

“Are you, Gatso, normal? Look, the child is like a gold apple and you invent something and philosophize. With such words don’t cross my threshold anymore!”

“Listen, Nedzhelko”, – grandfather began to speak with a calming voice. – You know how much I respect and appreciate you!”

“Damn you. If you respect me, so never put a curse on the child”.

“God be with you, Nedzhelko! How can you tell this? What damnation? This is my child too!”

“Go on, go on, Gatso. All know that you are able to do any nonsenses…”

“It isn’t a shame!” – mother spat towards father – How can you tell such words to uncle?”

“Be silent, witch, probably It’s you, who probably persuaded this witcher to say such things!” – Father continued with a half-drunk voice.

Grandfather tried to calm them, but only mother, because of all endured torments and humiliations and braved by the presence of grandfather, couldn’t keep silent. She answered him in the sickest way:

“I know that there are not bigger witches and sluts than your sisters…”

The unexpected blow knocked down her from a chair. Half – drunk father began to beat her. Grandfather tried to stop him, but father hit him and grandfather felt in other party. We began to cry and squall. We felt sorry for mother and grandfather.

“I will kill you, slut! I will break off on hundred pieces!” – shouted father and began to bit mother who was doubled up and tried to protect her head with hands.

Grandfather rose after received blow, directed his hands in the direction of father and father felt as if he was hit by a huge fist. Grandfather transferred hands to another side and father flew away as a rag doll there. He hit a back against a wooden rack with the placed ware. Many plates broke. Once again grandfather transferred hands, and once again the body departed and some back broke two – three chairs. Father was rather large person, but at that moment I had feeling that his body is similar to a rag which is shaken out by someone. Though I was still small, but then I thought that it is an excellent lesson for father and after that he will improve his behavior and will better treat mother and us. Let him fell what we experience when he daily beats us! Several minutes passed, but father didn’t move. Then he began to shake his head. We still poorly cried and mother calmed us. We thought that when he gets up, he will revenge to all of us. Somehow father, with a great difficulty, sat down at a table. He took a glass and poured out all water on the head. He shook it and water was sprayed extensively.

“Listen, Nedzhelko, that I want to tell you and remember it well. Don’t dare more in this life even to think of hitting this child. You’ve to know. If I hear that you at least once hit him, you will remember me and you will never forget it. My sister left on me a precept of caring for her and you because of the bad drunk head beat her! The reason is your drinking… And, believe me, I won’t let you do it!”

In these several minutes father completely sobered.

“They say that each dog barks in front of his house. So, I did alike in my home. Raki and a demon made of me inhuman”.

“Nedzhelko, I don’t want to offend you and to say that you are inhuman. I would never do it, but couldn’t see as you beat my niece. I know that you want to promise me that you won’t beat her and you will stop drink, only it will last to the first bottle. Raki kills you, Nedzhelko. And you saw that you are able to live without it. You didn’t drink more than for two years. At this time, you worked and you were respected by people”.

“It isn’t necessary, Gatso, it isn’t necessary, I ask you! You don’t know what happens inside my heart. Pain, Gatso, breaks me off. I worried about my family. Father has asked me to care for all and my sisters… They have killed me, Gatso. If we were a bad family, I would understand… And so, we are rich, respected, and they have dishonored us. And where, Gatso, I am respected? Where we will only appear, people laugh over me and provoke. Avoid to talk to me and if it will happen, then unwillingly. I feel superfluous unusual everywhere. My family has thrown us. No, Gatso, I can’t promise to stop drinking. I will drink till I’ll be alive, but I will try not to beat my family at least. You are right. They aren’t guilty of anything. I am guilty that I have such big family and that has spoiled their life”.

“Nedzhelko, you have to live for the sake of them and you shouldn’t be concerned that others tell”.

“In vain, Gatso, everything is vain. Only when I will get drunk I don’t see a smile on strange faces and I don’t hear their insult. Here I am completely sober and things that I will promise now, believe me, so will be till my last day in life. I will drink while I’m alive, but my family I won’t offend. And one more thing, Gatso. I am poor, but I ask you while I live, don’t come and don’t bring us gifts any more”.

Mother has begun to swear again, but grandfather has calmed her and promised not to come any more. After that he has left, and father has kept this promise. He drank so hard as if he wanted to kill himself with alcohol. He didn’t beat us and didn’t scoff at us as earlier. And with mother he behaved rather decently. There were good moments during these two years too. She has again become pregnant. Somehow at this time, we played with children and again – I have hit left knee. This leg at me was thinner than right because of last trauma. Possibly muscles as grandfather told, have begun to desiccate. At the beginning there was nothing terrible, but in several days the leg has begun to hurt indescribably. There was no my grandfather who could put his hands on a knee and could help again once more. Mother has taken me to the doctor as I couldn’t go. Have examined me and except hypostasis could find nothing. They gave me some hypostasis pills, having explained that it has arisen from blow. I drank tablets which helped me a little and it was easier for me. In couple of days pains have again begun. Again, I’ve to visit the doctor. Then he has made a detailed survey. Then they sent me to Belgrade. There it was found – some nerve has begun to desiccate because of blow. I have released from hospital with an explanation that in process of growing, the left leg in development will lag behind right. This diagnosis was completely exact.

Day by day I grew more and more, the body developed, only the left leg became thinner and thinner. It was not only that. It lagged behind also on length. I suffered from pains and constantly cried. Mother drove me to different doctors, but nothing helped.

On the second of May, 1970, when I was six years old and four months, for the first time in life father took me to hospital. Better he wouldn’t do it. Or it is destiny and it had to occur as it was written down somewhere in God’s books. This day father was drunk too. Possibly it was bothered by my crying and he took away me to the doctor and as soon he saw us began to shout at him:

“Listen, Mister Lazovic, why do you bring this child again? Your spouse was told already several times that only ablation of a leg can help!”

Half – drunk father looked at them and understood nothing. Then the doctor began to explain to him again:

“When we received the analysis from Military Medical Academy of Belgrade in which colleagues explained that the nerve on his leg dries, we at once understood that operation is inevitable. We explained it to your wife who didn’t want to understand actual state. For anything she didn’t want to sign a consent to carrying out operation. I don’t know whether she explained to you that we wanted from her and I don’t understand why at these moment you didn’t appear, but I know that every day tightening is indescribably risky for life of your child”.

Then the father began to abuse mother and to say that she told nothing to him… He asked the doctor what is necessary to help me. The doctor answered that as the parent it is necessary to sign the consent to ablation of a leg. Father agreed. At the end of the working day, about half past two, father endorsed the document according to which tomorrow at ten in the morning my leg had to be amputated on knee, and in case of need up to a femur. He left me in hospital. Later I was told that this day father was scary angry and swore at mother. This quarrel brought nothing good to mother. Again, after long time he beat her till she lost consciousness. In this state he tied her a chain for a neck to plum in the yard. He bound arms behind the back, and thrust some rag into a mouth and closed up with an adhesive tape so she couldn’t shout.

Mother connected and hackneyed spent this night on the street. When recovered – she felt all body pain. This pain was insignificant in comparison with the fact that the leg of her child will be amputated. She tried to release herself, but it was impossible. Then she drooped and so waited dawns with hope that her husband in a night will sober and will salvage her child in the morning. It didn’t occur. She didn’t know that he drank half liter of raki in the night and was deeply drunk, and time inevitably passed.

There was a morning before operation in hospital. Two sisters came, shifted me to some table or a bed on castors and carried to the operating room. I was covered with a green sheet and I know I was very frightened. I didn’t know what ablation is, but I felt that it is something terrible for me. This fear was confirmed by one of nurses, having told another:

“It is a pity. We carry on ablation of a leg, and none of his relatives came to be near him, to support and reduce pain”.

If I could, I would like to hide under this sheet so that nobody could ever find me. And they pushed, castors turned and the bed quickly approached to the hall in which I will be operated. When underwent the last turn of a corridor, approached to the operating room, before the doors I saw nobody else but my grandfather Gatso. There passed two and a half years as we didn’t see each other. It seemed to me that and I was never delighted to anybody as to him. Grandfather stopped sisters.

“Come to me, my little Parapanats,” – said the low voice.

All fears disappeared as soon as he took me on arms. He entered the operating room. Near a table where operation had to take place, there were two doctors, three assistants and two nurses. They waited only for me to begin operation.

Good afternoon! – I heard grandfathers a voice which in silence sounded as peals of thunder.

All grew dumb. Grandfather held me on the left arm, and right imperceptibly referred on them and several times waved to the left – to the right. I don’t know what to tell and how to explain it, but at this moment I saw the full transformation which happened to the doctors and all being there. In the eyes of the doctors I saw rage because of the appearance of my grandfather. At their lips I saw angry words which they didn’t manage to say. In a flash, all this was gone. Smiles appeared on their faces and expectation of what he will tell them. Then grandfather began to explain that he came to take me away, He will treat me in own way, and father agreed to operation because he is the famous drunkard and didn’t understand what he is doing because of the alcoholism. Doctors listened to him constantly smiling. Grandfather ordered the secretary to print the medical conclusion that operation isn’t necessary.

Again, the impact on their consciousness made so that doctors unconditionally followed instructions which he gave them. In addition to all those instructions which were followed he influenced their consciousness and they called police which brought us home.

Two policemen, two doctors and we with grandfather went home. When we reached the house – all were strongly surprised. My father on a wooden chair in semi – lying situation sat at a table in front of the house, and it was faced by almost drunk up raki bottle. He doesn’t see us and doesn’t know what occurs around. Mother was surrounded by the yearned children trying to help her somehow. One of policemen shocked by what he has seen crossed. And here everything as if on command started moving. Doctors began to examine her. And they couldn’t untie her. Removed an adhesive tape and took out a rag from a mouth. Policemen searched father and found a key to open locks and to remove chains which attached my mother. They managed. Mother was very exhausted. Because of the chopper which was taken out from a mouth, she couldn’t tell anything for some time. The first that told by a weak voice:

“Uncle, again you saved me and my family!”

One of doctors commented on this moment:

“My God, even animals don’t do like that! This woman is pregnant, and he left her tied on the street for the whole night”.

Drunken father was jostled in the car and brought to prison. And doctors left with them. They ordered to mother if she will feel any deterioration, then she has to address to hospital. Thank God, mother had no consequences. Entering home, we saw grief and a trouble there. It was unpleasant to mother that there was nothing to treat grandfather. Then he told:

“My daughter, there was no time to collect and bring something for you. Otherwise it would be late to save my Parapants. Don’t be confused. I also know what poverty is. Your uncle brought money and now I will hurry to buy for you and children everything what is necessary.

At first in shop near the house he bought some bread, paste, sausage and sweets. We as any yearned children ate greedily at once. So, far grandfather went marketing, and mother joined us to satisfy hunger. He bought two bags of flour, two bags of potato, ten kilograms of haricot, two boxes of apples, two buckets of jam, fifty canned meat, five kilograms of smoked sausage, coffee, sugar, rice, oil, juice, several packages of different sweets and a lot of other trifles. He bought for us a goat. He told:

“Let children have some milk and don’t eat dry bread”.

So, there passed three days. Mother and grandfather talked about everything, and one of all numerous about what agreed was that I will go with him to be treated me in his own way. Then grandfather went to police to take out father form prison. Father was released, but with shame he couldn’t look either to mother, or to grandfather in eyes. He got home and then grandfather began to dim into him:

“Look, Nedzhelko, I don’t want to reproach you for what you have made to your son, I don’t want to reproach that has again beaten my niece though you also promised never to do it. This time I have come to save the child from accident, to take away him with me and to cure”.

Father was silent, and grandfather has continued. “I promised you not to come any more. Also, I wouldn’t come if you have kept the promise”.

I have thought:

“Where from grandfather knows all this? He lives so far from us? Probably they talked and mother has told everything to him”.

Grandfather continued:

“All right, we both haven’t kept the promises. And now let it be as we didn’t give them. Nedzhelko, I have decided to pay to you connection to electricity and to a water supply system, to buy you boards so you would be able to put floors and children won’t have to be in the house on the ground. I will leave you enough money so you could make all this, you could pay to masters and could live. And I want to take away this child tomorrow with me and when I come next time let everything be made as we have agreed”.