Читать книгу Ten Times Happier - Owen O’Kane - Страница 12

Some negative or traumatic past experiences will get in the way of your life if they are not dealt with. I am confident some of what I offer you here will be immensely helpful and allow you to move forward. It is worth mentioning some long-standing deep issues from the past may need discussion with a professional, simply to help you process the events and leave them in the past. Not everyone needs therapy, but some people do. There is no right or wrong here. Simply be aware that there are options for how you decide to manage this section of our work together. If self-help work isn’t enough, always seek professional guidance.

The approach I use to help process a difficult experience or event from the past encourages you to ask yourself five key questions about that event in the here and now:

1. Ruminating. Is there any benefit to holding on to this hurt from the past?

2. Self-judgement. Was it your fault this painful event or circumstance took place?

3. Expectations of self. At the time of the event can you accept it would have been difficult to have the perfect mindset to deal with it?

4. Self-blaming. Did you wish for this event or experience, which ultimately had a negative impact, to happen?

5. Mindful awareness. Can you accept the actual event is in the past and you are now safe?

In the vast majority of cases the answer to all or some of these questions is likely to be no. But no matter how many you answer no to, the main aim is learning to stop with any self-judgement or self-blame, which can often accompany these experiences.

What I know from the hundreds of clients I have treated over the years is that holding on to the past causes one thing only: pain. My interest is in easing that pain and I believe the solution lies in the five alternative options below which link to the questions I have just asked. For example, if harsh self-judgement is one of your patterns, then you have the option to drop this and replace it with something more helpful. Below are some of the alternatives I propose you take on board. You will know what resonates with you.

I suggest you reflect on a past event that troubles you and work through each of the five points below with the event in mind. It will help you find a new perspective.